Decisions
by letrasdeunangel
Summary: Kate is still in denial about her feelings for Castle, hiding behind her relationship with Josh. Meanwhile, Castle is beginning to reconsider the possibility that they'll ever be together. So what happens when Castle has made his choice? Stay or walk away
1. Chapter 1

Hello my fellow writers! This is my first fan fiction ever and I'm really excited. I only ask three things of you. One: to give it a chance, two: to treat me as you would any other writer and three: to give honest feedback. Tell me what you like, what you don't like and even what you would have done. Now enough will all the seriousness and enjoy!

This is set at the beginning of season four but there are a few changes. Montgomery didn't die and Kate wasn't shot.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p>Prologue<p>

It had all makings of a perfect day. An early Monday morning, the weather still bearable before the sweltering summer temperatures, the residents of New York all well rested from the days before.

Usually Detective Kate Beckett would walk in at some ungodly hour, relaxed and rejuvenated if she actually had a weekend to enjoy. If a murder hadn't occurred yet as was the case today, Mr. Castle would stroll out of the elevators at whatever time suited him armed with two cups of coffee. He would plop down in his chair, presenting his gift of creamy goodness and Beckett would take it. She would hold the cup with both hands inhaling the liquid's aroma, take a sip, delighting in the slow burn of the liquid running down her throat and then offer her thanks. Today of all day shouldn't be any different except that today Kate found herself staring at the empty chair which had come to be known as that of the writer himself. She sat there replaying their conversation in her head for the hundredth time. Quite frankly the whole situation was depressing.

_In the early weeks of May, the precinct's resident author, Richard Castle, seemed like his usual 6yr old on a sugar rush self to most people, even Ryan, Esposito and Lanie- but Kate knew better. Castle had begun to become distant. He would still get up at the crack of dawn just to see a dead body and the crazy theories he'd spin in his web of CIA conspiracies, aliens and humanity's impending doom by other worldly threats remained a regular but his relationship with Beckett had changed and she noticed. There was a growing chasm between the two and it had a name, Josh. _

_It began with the flirting. The shameless flirting often initiated by one of the two parties amidst the well-known Caskett friendly banter came to a halt on Castle's side. Kate had noticed when during their usual bickering, his reactions lacked all Castle-ness. Being Katherine Beckett she wrote it off as him having an off day and didn't pursue the matter. After all, asking would give him the impression that she looked forward to it which was true but absolutely not the point. _

_Soon it had graduated to respecting her personal space and worst of all he no longer asked her to grab a bite or watch a movie nor would he conjure up any other excuse just to spend more time with her. Fully concerned, she had asked if he was okay and he'd said yes so again she let it go. It was only when he had asked her to talk that she wished she hadn't._

_Beckett was in the break room fixing herself a cup of coffee when her partner appeared at the door. He watched her for a second, slowly building up the courage to have the conversation that would end not just their partnership but quite possibly tear them apart. _

_Taking a deep breath he approached her, his sweaty palms tucked in the back pockets of his blue-black denim jeans. "Hey." _

"_Hey," she greeted in return, glancing up at him before turning back to the task at hand._

_He came to a stop next to her. "Can I..." he swallowed, mentally trying to piece together the current mess of words, formerly an eloquent speech, "can I talk to you for a second?"_

_The shakiness in his voice was enough to make her stop what she was doing to face him. "Sure, what's up?"_

"_Well," he began, nervously running a hand through his midnight brown hair, "I have been thinking." _

'_Uh-oh' Kate sighed inaudibly. She was tempted to voice her concern that Castle was actually thinking something over but he sounded so serious, she decided not to interrupt. It was not the time for jokes though they may have done well to lighten the mood._

"_I've made a decision in regards to-well not just our partnership but my shadowing you .I-" he cleared his throat, willing the words to come out and save him the trouble of trying to cough them up, "I have decided that this is as good a time as any to end my service here...with the NYPD." _

_The shocked look on Beckett's face stunned him but he took a breath and continued. "I have done more than enough research to write as many Nikki Heats as is possible but hey," she could sense the change in his tone, of course he had to point out a bright side in all of this, "just because our partnership is over doesn't mean we're no longer friends. Feel free to come by the loft anytime you want, whether you it's to talk or for some insight on a case..." _

_He stopped, waiting for a reaction from Beckett who hadn't said anything as of yet. She just stood there staring at him, poker face in place. For a minute Castle thought he could see sadness with a hint of betrayal in her eyes but in a blink they were gone. She was biting her bottom lip, a habit he generally found adorable but at present it only made him edgier. _

_She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came so she merely gave a nod of understanding._

"_It was nice working with you detective," he smiled earnestly._

"_You too Castle," she replied, her poker-face faltering._

_He eased her into a gentle hug, the scent of cherries making his senses tingle. Surprised when she returned the favour but accepting all the same, he held her tighter, attempting to place all everything he felt, all he wanted to say but couldn't into that one action. _

_They broke apart and took in each other for a moment, navy blue sadly regarding glistening hazel. The reality of what he just did started to hit Castle and inwardly he began to crumble so as fast as he could he left, throwing one last reassuring smile her way._

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><p>So that's the end of the prologue. Hope you liked it so far and hopefully I will have the first chapter up soon.<p>

Your reviews will be much appreciated :D


	2. Chapter 2

First off I just want to say thank you to all those who reviewed my story. I've never blushed so much in my life. I have to admit that I felt more nervous about posting this one than I did the first one. I guess I didn't want to let you guys down after you gave me such wonderful reviews. Any-whoo... without further delay here is the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Kate had her own way of coping with Castle's absence. The first week she was flat-out angry and highly disappointed that he would just leave her like that. She felt as if he saw her as a partner and nothing else. By the end of the week she had it in her mind that Castle was a grown man so he could do what he pleased and she sure as hell wasn't going to cry over him because she didn't need him. During the next two weeks it was a different story. She accepted that he had made his decision and she would just have to get used to his absence from then on. Besides, he did say that she could still count on him even though they no longer worked together. The forth week rolled around she was in mourning. She was less lively and Ryan, Esposito and even the Captain would walk in to find her glancing- what she believed was inconspicuously- at her ex-partner's chair. Unfortunately, that was only the half of it. Lanie would more than often come in to find her sitting on one of the metal, autopsy tables waiting for her, which is where she was now.

Having just returned from lunch Lanie stepped out of the elevator and proceeded the push morgue's swinging metal doors only to find that bodies inside weren't all cold and unmoving as they should have been. Suppressing the urge to release a long suffering sigh, she continued in.

In a rare moment of utter exhaustion not just from work but having to deal with Kate, she wondered if being Kate's confidant was such a good thing but quickly decided that it was an honour to have her trust her enough to share. It was a hard job at times but somebody had to do it, especially since there was no doubt that if she kept it all bottled up she'd end up with an ulcer.

"Girl, what are you doing here?" Lanie asked, looking at her friend expectantly.

Beckett smiled innocently, "What? Can't I just stop by to visit my best friend?" The look she received clearly said 'don't play dumb with me'.

"Fine," Kate raised her arms in surrender. She began fidgeting with her watch, trying to stall as much as possible before she realised there was no way she could leave without telling Lanie. "I haven't talked to him in almost month," she muttered.

"I know."

Kate looked bewildered but of course she knew. It was Lanie for crying out loud! "How'd you?" she stuttered, pausing when she noticed the smirk being thrown her way.

Her expression quickly sobered. "So you guys have been hanging out?" It sounded more like a question than a statement.

The ME rolled her eyes, "Look, even though Writer Boy doesn't come here anymore doesn't mean that we're not friends- and don't you look at me like that."

"I don't know what you are talking about," she lied.

"Oh yes you do. Like I'm betraying you."

"Lanie. He left me."

"Sweetie, you're making it sound like you guys were together and he broke your heart," Lanie stated. She hopped onto the table opposite Kate. "And as far as I know you have a boyfriend."

"Lanie! This has nothing to do with Josh."

"Oh really?" she quipped, one of her eyebrows arched suggestively which Kate read as a sign that her friend knew something she wasn't letting on about.

"Castle let me down, okay? He said always and he obviously didn't mean it."

Lanie rubbed her forehead, she could feel a headache coming on. It was always astounding how blind Kate could be.

"Now you listen to me," she said sternly, "Castle didn't lie to you. The man gave you an all access pass to go over to his house even though you two no longer work together. He hoped and is still hoping that he could be a friend you can count on and honestly it was great of him to offer because a lot of guys wouldn't."

Kate waited for her to continue but she didn't so she voiced what was on her mind, "Am I missing something here?" Sadly the woman was at a true loss.

"Apparently," Lanie said not so subtly.

Ignoring her, she persisted, "Do you know why he quit?" She waited once more. One beat, two beats and still nada. Lanie looked like she had no intention of answering and was avoiding eye contact. "Well do you?"

She merely sighed, "All I'll tell you is that Castle did what he thought was the best choice because it appeared as if you weren't going to make one anytime soon so he took the initiative. And I quote, 'Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go'."

Kate's brows furrowed into a confused v, "You don't quote, he quotes. What's with the quoting? Why are you quoting?"

Parish leaped off the table, her heels clicking nosily against the white, marble vinyl floor. "Honey, I was quoting someone quoting someone and if I have to tell you who and what that person means, in that case, you're not as smart as we all thought."

"Did my best friend just call me stupid?"

"If you can't figure it out then yes," came her shouting from inside a utility closet.

Beckett got up, mumbling as she made her exit. "Wow, I feel so loved." Her sarcasm was amusing. "Oh and I love you too by the way!"

There was a thud in the closet, followed by the M.E's voice, "You should and of course you do, that is why you are going to visit Writer Boy as soon as your shift is over."

"Wha-"

Lanie came out and stood in front of her. "You heard me."

"Lanie you can't-"

"Oh yeah?"

"I can't-"

"Yes you can. Now shut up and get back to work."

"Hmphh," Kate folded her arms, "Fine."

"Good girl," Lanie smiled and watched as her friend left. "And don't even think about hanging back, claiming you've got work to do! Remember Kate, if you skip it and go home, I know where you live!" she shouted after her.

'_This is going to be fun,' _Kate thought as she entered the elevator,_ 'and when did Lanie become so scary?'_

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><p><em>Almost a month ago...<em>

_In this game of hearts he was losing big time. In the past few months Castle began to doubt if he and Beckett would ever get together and if she felt anything at all for him. She was still with Motorcycle Boy after all. Even now, after the decision had been made, Castle couldn't help but feel a pang of envy every time the doctor's name was mentioned._

_Kate seemed happy and he didn't mind it at all except that it meant once more he'd be left with no one. He lived this already- of course back then it was Kate and Demming- and he had promised that next time he wouldn't walk away. He saw the damage he'd caused the last time he did. His friends were all angry with him and they wouldn't talk to him. Most importantly, Kate was angry. He made a silent promise to himself never to leave her again but sadly, when it all came down to it something had to give. _

_The bottom line was, Castle loved Kate. He loved her and wanted her all to himself but her happiness came first. Obviously she had made her decision and chose him. She chose him and God knows how much it hurt. He felt a piece of his heart break every time he looked at her because no matter how much he dreamt about her, how many times he'd imagined her in his arms and not Motorcycle Boy's, how he ached with every fibre of his being just to sweep her off her feet and kiss her senseless...she was someone else's. Castle would do the gentlemanly thing and back off. He would allow her to be happy even if it meant sacrificing his own... Even if it meant giving her up. _

_He watched her for a second, slowly building up the courage to have the conversation that would end not just their partnership but quite possibly tear them apart. __Taking a deep breath he approached her, his sweaty palms tucked in the back pockets of his blue-black denim jeans. "Hey."_

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><p>The goal was too move on and move on he had. The fact that he'd established he would probably never fall in love again and he most certainly had no intention of getting back into his old ways only to end up marrying another deep-fried twinkie only after his money- made it easier. Alexis was going off to college in the fall and his mother was travelling the world with some of her theatre friends so he would be bored and lonely and the precinct definitely wasn't an option. Maybe he could do something he always wanted to do. Before he met Beckett the list was longer and included swimming in a public fountain but even after shadowing her the list had suffered. He thought about it and came up with an idea. After little to no debate on his part or that of Alexis who loved the idea but was a little upset that her father waited until she was about to leave college to do it, it was settled. Now, four months later at least something was falling into place.<p>

Castle sleepily trudged out of his room; the belt of a white, Egyptian cotton robe loosely strewn around the expanse of his waist; his ruffled hair sticking out in numerous directions.

He descended the stairs, the hum of the television greeting him almost immediately. He neared the living room when in mid-stride he spotted the flowing locks of a certain red-head hanging over the arm of the dark, leather furniture. Rounding the couch he noticed a smaller figure curled into the girl's side. The infant's head rested against her chest, an arm wrapped reassuringly around their tiny frame.

Sensing his presence, she looked up. "Morning Dad."

"Good morning Alexis," he said cheerily, captivated by the sight in front of him. "And how are my two favourite people doing today?"

"I'm great," Alexis smiled and threw a glance the small boy, no more than a year old- sleeping next to her, "while Nate here has been out for about an hour now. After I woke up I went to check on him and he was sitting in the crib playing with Fuzzybumpkins. So I brought him down, he ate and before you know it, he was out."

Castle grinned like an idiot before strutting off to the kitchen.

To make things simple, Nate was the result of the choice Rick had made to tick something off the list if things he wanted to do. Alexis always wanted a little brother or sister but his terrible history with woman prevented him from fulfilling her wish. Even when he felt that he'd found the one, it all blew up in his face. It was only after he thought about it did he realize he wanted a son. In his mind it seemed selfish not to pass on his ruggedly handsome looks to some lucky child but although it hadn't worked out as he initially hoped, he was grateful all the same. Nate, who had been adopted into the Castle family only a week ago, immediately fit in.

After carrying her up to bed, Alexis came back down to have breakfast with her father. They were beaming, engaging in their usual chit-chat. Alexis was talking about how excited she was and couldn't wait to experience college life but how much she was going to miss her father and new sibling. Castle who had significantly less to talk about in recent times just listened and gave reassurance where necessary.

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><p>It was near 5pm and Alexis was exhausted. For the last two hours or so she and Nate had been playing. She swore she would only looked away for a second only to realize he was gone. She had to admit that for a little guy he was fast and had been chasing him for the last half an hour to no avail. When she caught a glimpse of him, he'd simply scurry off.<p>

Eventually, Alexis gave up. Sitting on the floor in the upstairs hallway and panting like someone who just finished a marathon, she called in for backup. "Dad!"

Castle was downstairs when he heard the distress call and was about to sprint to the rescue when a knock sounded from the other side of the room.

"Just a minute Lexi, someone's at the door," he shouted.

As the door opened to reveal who was on the other side, Castle froze, his mouth slightly agape.

"Hey Castle."

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><p>*comes out from hiding* So...how do you like it. Hope I didn't let anyone down. Review are still welcomed. Thanks.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

First off I would like to wish all of my fellow fic writers a Merry Christmas. Never mind I'm a couple of hours late.

I would also like to say thank you to those who gave me advice, I helped a lot. You have no idea how much. Also big thanks to those who reviewed my story.

Ladies and Gentlemen, chapter 2...

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

As Castle stared at the woman on the other side of the door he realized that his friends knew nothing about Nate. The only people who knew where him, Alexis and Martha. He had last seen his Lanie, Ryan, Esposito and the Captain a week ago at the old haunt. They'd meet every week, usually at Castle's to play poker but with Nate coming he had to transform the guest room, baby proof the loft and do some shopping. This week he was too busy taking care of the new Castle to even chat over the phone.

He shifted nervously, pivoting from one foot to the other, "Uh, Lanie. What here you doing here?"

She eyed him warily as he fidgeted. "The better question is what did you do?" Lanie dead-panned. She sighed, a hand poised on her hip, "Writer Boy, what did you do?"

"What? Noth-nothing-I didn't do anything," he spluttered, desperately trying but failing to keep eye contact.

"Really. Then why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not nervous," he answered quickly. A little too quickly perhaps.

"Mm-hm."

He was about to speak when the SOS of a flustered, teen aged girl beat him to it.

"Dad, help! Nate!"

Castle paused, his mouth still open, the words at the tip of his tongue. He was looking everywhere except at Lanie.

The M.E's gaze narrowed on the man in question, "Who is Nate and what-"

"-Dad!"

"Seems like someone's been holding out on me," she stated, arms folded across her chest.

Obviously Lanie had no intention of leaving until he clued her in and at the realization Castle sighed. He moved out of the doorway and escorted her to his office before heading to his daughter's rescue. Five minutes later he returned. Lanie, who was leaning casually on his desk watched him.

"Would you care to sit?" he asked.

She shook her head. She knew what he was doing. "Quit stalling Castle."

"Okay then," he moved over to the couch and sat. "Well..."

"I can feel myself ageing Writer Boy. Out with it already."

"Fine. Nate's my adopted son."

There was a pause in which he knew that she was wondering whether or not he was joking.

"Say what?"

"Nate's my son."

Another pause. This time he was getting nervous.

"I assume there's a story behind this?"

"Not much of a story. I always wanted another child but the one person I could imagine having one with is currently another man's so... a little chat with Alexis and a few months later...here we are."

There was yet another pause. He watched her impatiently.

She straightened up so fast he thought she was going to charge at him, "I can't believe you didn't tell me! When I meet him? Do the guys know?" She began spewing out a questions. Castle smiled, he felt silly for worrying. It was Lanie after all. Of course she'd be cool about it.

He laughed, interrupting her tirade, "I'm glad to see you're excited however..."

Her face fell, "However?"

"You may have to meet him some other time. It's already past his bedtime and if he sees you it'll be another couple of hours before he goes to sleep. So, tomorrow maybe or whenever you have the time."

"No problem."

Castle was about to stand when he remembered something, "Wait, is there something you wanted to tell me? I'm assuming since you stopped by."

Oh yeah! She had totally forgotten about that. "I wanted to know if you saw Beckett."

He looked at her quizzically, "Was I supposed to?"

"So she didn't stop by tonight?"

"No."

She swore under her breath. '_Wait 'til I get my hands on her. You try to help them...'_

"Why would she come over when she hasn't talked to me in weeks?"

Lanie shook her head. "Never you mind. I'll take care of it."

"Dr. Parish," he said seriously.

"Mr. Castle," she mocked his tone then turned and walked out of the office, the writer trailing behind her, "I guess I'll be seeing you soon. Goodnight Castle."

"Night Lanie."

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><p>Already Beckett could tell that it was going to be a long day. She had gotten in at about 1:30 this morning which was mostly her fault because she had been hell bent on finishing up the last of her paperwork then around four a body dropped. She barely had time to take a nap and shower before leaving again. Now, standing at the murder board she was exhausted, coffee deprived and extremely pissy.<p>

She read over ever detail they had so far. Noah Radford, a 21 year old male found dead in a hotel room, two bullets to the chest, one barely missing the heart, the other puncturing the right lung and another to the stomach. In the room CSU had recovered a couple of cocaine joints along with an almost empty bottle of vodka. Mr. Radford was the younger son of Charles Radford, a rich oil tycoon and Viviana Radford, sole child and heiress of her father's nine digit fortune. Noah had begun using three years back and according to his parents who refused to divulge any further information in the interest of their family's image- he had quit and was straight for a year now.

Beckett sighed. She hated cases with rich people. They were proud, difficult and always threatening to use legal action. Plus, with all the secrets they had, she sometimes wondered if they were more interested in keeping them secret than in solving a murder.

"Beckett." She turned to her left to see Esposito coming her way.

"Yeah. What do you have for me?" she asked.

"The hotel owner gave us the surveillance footage from last night and it shows Radford entering around 7 with a woman."

"Do we have a face," she cut in.

"No. Neither the doorman nor the desk clerk got a good look at he face but we've got a description. She's a blonde, around 5'1 and about our vic's age. The thing is, five minutes later she was seeing exiting alone and she drove off in kind of a hurry. Then at 8:15 her car was seen pulling up in the car park but this time a man got out. He was wearing all black. He entered the building but there isn't any footage of him leaving. We have the victims' TOD as around that time. "

"Did any of the residents on that floor hear anything."

"Nope."

Reflexively, she ran her fingers through her hair, "Okay, describe the woman to the vic's family, see if anyone of them knows her and bring in the desk clerk and the doorman that night. Hopefully they'll be able to describe the man they saw for us. Where is Ryan?"

"He's going over the footage from neighbouring alleys, trying to find where our friend disappeared to."

"Okay. Tell me what you find." She turned to go to her desk.

"Sure Boss," Esposito began walking in the other direction. "Oh and Lanie said she needs to see you. 'So get your butt down here this instant'," he called over his shoulder. He could feel her glare at the back of his head. "Her words not mine."

Beckett sunk into her chair. Dealing with Lanie was the last thing she wanted to do right now. No doubt she had called Castle and asked him if she came over last night. Maybe she should have just gone like she told her then maybe she wouldn't receive the scolding she knew was coming to her. The least she could do now was try to put it off as long as possible.

"Okay, new tactic," she thought aloud. "Evade and-"

Her thoughts were cut over by the high-pitched shrill of her phone. The caller I.D said it was coming from the morgue. There was no doubt that it was Lanie on the other line. _'Maybe if I just ignore it it will stop.'_ It did and she breathed a sigh of relief. _'Guess she gave u-'_ No sooner did her cell begin ringing. She should have figured Lanie would't give up so easily.

She hit ignore but almost immediately it began ringing again. She frowned at the offending object, holding it might pounce on her any minute. She was about to ignore it again when a voice caught her attention, her eyes went wide likes saucers.

"Screening my calls are you." See knew the statement was meant for her. Standing a few feet ahead of her, holding her cell, an eyebrow raised in accusation was Lanie. She walked over and stopped in front of the desk.

"I was just-"

She knew her friend was going to give her some weak excuse. Sadly for Kate, she was having none of it. "Save it. I'm not in the mood. Now let's go."

"Lanie-"

"Don't Lanie me. Let's go."

"Where?"

"To the morgue. At least there I can kill you without anyone hearing," she staged a whisper. It was nothing shy of terrifying. She then walked away, leaving Beckett still sitting at her desk. She yelled to the detective to be in the lift before the doors closed before disappearing around the corner.

In the elevator Beckett was really quite and Lanie was watching her like a hawk. She new it made Kate uncomfortable but this was all her fault anyway so she'd have to deal with a bit of discomfort. Suddenly Lanie pulled the emergency button. The elevator jerked to a stop.

Kate steadied her balance and did 90 degree turn to face her friend who seem unfazed, "Lanie, what the hell!"

She mimicked her action, "I tell you the same thing."

"What?"

"I talked to Writer Boy. Apparently a certain detective neglected to show. Do you know why that is?"

"There was something import I had to do."

"Really. What was so important that you couldn't go?"

Kate sighed. She didn't want to tell her. She knew how it would sound. It would sound like she was choosing him over him. Again. "I went to dinner with Josh." She waited for a response. None came. She looked at her friend's face to find that it was blank.

"I'm waiting. What was so _important_ that you couldn't go to Castle's place?"

"Lanie, I know that you don't like Josh but-"

"Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you? He's a nice guy."

"Uh-huh. Whatever you say," she said sarcastically. Kate was about to protest but Lanie beat her to it. "Honestly, I don't give a crap what kind of guy the doctor is or isn't. We were talking about you and I was just thinking that you could go visit the writer _tonight_. No excuses."

"What? No."

"Yes."

"I said no."

"Well, I said yes and that's final."

"Lanie!"

"Kate!" Lanie sighed. She was tired of all the drama and right now it was all on Beckett. "Look," she began softly, "at least talk to him. God knows how long that man's been waiting around to find out whether you two are or aren't over. You owe him that much."

"So he's a man now?" she asked just because she didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. He earned it." _Unlike some other people_ she wanted to say but she bit her tongue. She pushed the emergency button, the lift jerked to life. "Tell me how it goes?"

The whispered question was more than the assurance that she would give Lanie the details on what would occur. It was one friend asking the other if they were okay, if they were still _best_ friends and if the other understood that this was just one friend trying to help the other even though they sometimes made it impossible.

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><p>Beckett took a deep breath, fighting the urge to run straight back to her car and drive as far away as she could. Probably somewhere where Lanie could never find her, that way her friend couldn't drag her all the way back here. She rose her hand in a fist and not a second later did it fall limply to her side <em>again<em>. What was wrong with her? She could bang on a suspect's door without the least bit of hesitation but panic at the thought of knocking on his.

_Honestly Kate, just knock on the dammed door. The sooner you do, the sooner you can go home, climb into a warm bath, drink a glass wine and read a good book.'_ She sighed. _'Might as well get it over with.'_

Knocking lightly she waited impatiently. A pair of feet echoed against the wooden floor and they swiftly approached her. She was in the middle of a thought when the door swung open and staring back at her was _him_. His blue eyes mirrored her own which were wide with surprise.

Beckett felt like New York was in the middle of a heat wave. Her whole body was on fire and suddenly fear and anxiety were replaced by lust. She felt her mouth begin to water as her eyes ran over his usually clean-shaven face, now darkened by a light sheet of stubble. His once designer-styled hair now a mess of waves, a curtain of dark, silken threads covering his forehead. Somewhat unconsciously her gaze began travelling downward when she remembered she hadn't spoken as yet. _Screw a glass, after this I'm going to need that whole bottle of wine._

She cleared her throat, "Hi."

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><p>Review, you know you want to. Thanks!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry that I took so long to update, I've been kind of busy with school and all. I'll try to post the next chapter soon.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

She cleared her throat, "Hi."

"Uh-hi," he murmured, still in shock for the most part. It was only when the visitor looked at him expectantly, did he remember his manners not to mention pick his jaw up off the floor. "Oh, sorry. Come in detective."

Beckett stepped tentatively in. She didn't speak to or see Rick in a month and after the conversation with Lanie she realized how silly she was being.

He closed the door before walking over to where Kate stood. Neither said anything, that was until Castle broke the silence. "So how have you been?" he asked, his blue eyes piercing Kate's own. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest at any moment. She had to tear away from his intense gaze. She could already feel herself crumbling.

Staring at the ground which had become interesting all of a sudden, she stated simply, "Good... How about you?"

He was about to reply when a "gotcha!" came from the second floor followed by a giggle. The voice Kate knew, it was Alexis- but the giggle? It sounded like that of an infant and-

Her eyes snapped to the man across from her and she fixed him with a glare. Not the death glare (she was saving that one) but one telling him to spill all the while accusing him.

"So I've been great and what brings you here?" Castle said quickly, clearly trying to avoid the upcoming subject.

Beckett didn't regard his attempt. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Castle pretended to think it over, "Umm...no." The high-pitched 'no' told her otherwise.

"Okay, then is there something I should know?" He could pick up the bitterness in her tone, it was hard not to miss.

This time he responded straight away, "Nope, I don't think so."

Beckett had just started and already she had had it. She gave him her best death glare and could see him squirm uncomfortably. She spoke in the tone she used for interrogating criminals, "What we heard a moment ago was the sound of a child, correct?" Castle nodded rapidly. "And we can also agree that a month ago that child wasn't here, correct?"

Castle gulped, "Correct."

"Now let's cut the crap okay? Is the child yours?"

"Of course," he scoffed, "I thought it was obvious. I mean she didn't get her eyes from her mother and definitely not her wits. I don't call the woman a deep fried twinkie for noth-"

"No, the other one!" Kate almost yelled. Weeks of anger from him leaving all rushing to the service. This couldn't be good.

"Oh, you mean?"

"Yes," she rolled her eyes, the end of the word drawn out in an almost hiss.

He shrugged. "Then yes, Kate."

Why was he being so nonchalant about this when she was seriously contemplating following through on all the threats she ever made him.

She said nothing but then as he was about to she spoke up. "Is this why you ended our partnership? Because you had a one night stand with some blonde bimbo, you hoped you didn't have to see again but then she hands you a child and you were too ashamed to tell me so you ran?" Typical Richard Castle, millionaire playboy author. Maybe she'd shoot the bimbo as well, teach her to keep her hands to herself. He was hers. Wait. What? He's not-

"What? Kate, no!" Castle said hastily. "There's no _blonde bimbo_ and there isn't even a mother."

Now Kate was confused, "What? How could there be no mother?", and convinced he was lying to her. She felt a new wave of hurt, anger and betrayal wash over her.

"Castle usually when people are going through a midlife crisis they buy a Ferrari, jump out of a plane or something. Why couldn't you just do like everyone else for once? Castle you bought a kid!" Her voice had risen.

Wait, first he bought a kid and now she says he's going through a mid-life crisis? Back-track a second.

Just as he was about to his raise his voice to match her own, a timid yet clear voice came came from the stairwell. He turned to see Nate at the top, his tiny hands clinging to the gate which separated the two levels.

With Castle no longer blocking her view she could see where he was looking. She stared slack-jawed at the infant whose bright eyes were wide in question.

"Hi buddy. Go back to Lexi, okay?" Castle coerced. He turned to face Beckett again but she was gone. _'Dammit!'_ He sighed. "Lex watch your brother!" he yelled before darting through the open door and into the hallway. He entered just in time to see the elevator doors close. He mentally sore as he ran all the way back inside, pausing momentarily to slam the door behind him- and up the stairs, hopping over the gate. He swept up Nate who was still perched on the frame. He found Alexis sitting in the corridor. "Sweetie, can you put your brother to bed? I need to step out for a few minutes."

The girl looked up from her position on the floor, "Sorry dad. I've been trying to for a while now but he won't even stay still long enough for me to pick him up."

"Okay. Don't worry. We'll do it together but then you're going to have to hold down the fort." He helped her up with his free hand.

Castle managed to stumble out of his building nearly half an hour later and just in time to hail a taxi. The whole way he was working on autopilot. The journey to her place was a blur. It was only when he found himself knocking on her door did manual kick in. Now he found himself trying desperately to think of what to say.

The door cracked open and he opened his mouth to say something but when he saw that it wasn't Beckett who had answered the door, the words caught in his throat. Josh, Beckett's boyfriend, watched him from the other side of the door. He looked at the writer the way he always did, like he was a pest that needed to be gotten rid of.

"Doctor," was the only greeting Castle could muster.

"I thought you weren't shadowing Kate any more," Josh dead-panned.

Castle dug his fist into his side. He really didn't count on running into Motorcycle Boy. "I'm not."

"Well Kate's a little _busy_ right now," he smiled slyly at the writer. The underlying meaning of the word clear to both of them.

Visually he remained stoic but inside was a whole different thing. He pivoted to face the lift, "Not that you were going to anyway but don't bother to tell her that I stopped by." With that he walked off.

Castle felt hurt. He felt hurt and stupid for coming there in the first place. It was like she had chosen Josh over him again. Really, why _did_ he leave home to run after this woman who cared nothing for him? How dare she come in his home, make him feel like the bad guy and then run off, leaving him no choice but to run after her? He was always running after her. _Always_. He sighed. He was tired and just wanted to go home to his daughter and son. At least there he knew he was wanted...and loved.

* * *

><p>"Bro, what did Castle do now?" Esposito mused aloud. He and Ryan were watching Beckett from the breakroom.<p>

The detective had been on a war path from the moment she'd entered the precinct that morning, snapping and glaring at any and everyone. The two were weary of her wrath, having been on the receiving end at least once or twice and had opted to stay a safe distance away at least until she'd gotten over whatever was bothering her.

Ryan turned to his partner, "What do you mean?"

"Dude, seriously? There's only ever one reason why Beckett acts this way and it certainly isn't because of Motorcycle Boy."

There was a beat before Ryan asked, "Do you think this will be as bad as the last one?"

"Gosh, I hope not."

"Me too. We barely made it that one."

"True that."

"Maybe we should ask Castle what's going on," Ryan suggested.

"He hasn't spoken about Beckett since he left. At least not to us. We'd probably have better luck with Lanie."

"Call her"

"Tried, she's busy working on another case. I left a message though."

He sighed, "Until whatever this is blows over we're all screwed."

"Yup."

Javier was about to head to the espresso machine when Beckett's voice stopped him in his tracks. "Ryan and Esposito!" she called, not even looking up from the murder board. The pair looked at each other before scurrying out of the breakroom and over to the detective.

"Yes Boss," they said simultaneously.

"If you ladies are done gossiping, do you have anything new for me?"

Ryan began fidgeting so Espo spoke up, "Umm...yeah."

"What?"

"We talked to the one of the vic's friends and one of them recognized the blonde as 24 year old Rebecca Thompson. She used to hang with Radford when he was using."

"Do we have an address?"

"Uniforms are bringing her in right now."

"What about our mystery guy?"

"Tech ran the sketch of our guy through the database but we came up short. He's not in the system. We did however pick up Martinez."

"Who?"

"The guy who used to sell to our vic before he got clean. Mrs. Radford had threatened him to stay away her son, needless to say he didn't take the threat to well."

"Okay, well what are you waiting for? Go interview him." Ryan turned on his heels and hurried off, Esposito in tow.

Beckett sat at her desk. She had been musing over what happened the night before and now her head was pounding. After the feelings anger and betrayal began to ware of she felt ashamed for the way she acted, she didn't even give a chance to explain. He invited her into his home and in turn she accused and yelled at him. The guilt was eating her up and she couldn't talk to Lanie. Actually she could but she didn't want to. The ME would probably throw a hissy fit when she heard what her friend did. Worst of all, she feared he'd want nothing to do with her after that and that scared the crap out of her. She'd fix it. She had to. Then maybe later she'd apologize to her team for being such a pain.

* * *

><p>Review please!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

"Shit," Beckett slammed her cell on her desk, sparking the attention of some of her colleagues. Usually she would have minded them watching her but right now she didn't care. She had been trying to call Castle since yesterday day but she couldn't get a hold of him. He was obviously angry with her. He had every right to be. Right now even she was angry with her.

She noticed Ryan and Esposito watching her out of the corner of her eye and had an idea. In a instant she was standing in front of them. It happened so fast that Ryan toppled out his chair nearly pulled Esposito down with him.

"Espo lend me your phone," she blurted out.

He looked at her like he was afraid she's jump over the desk and pounce on him. "Why?" he asked.

"Are you going to give me it or not?"

"Here," he cautiously handed it to her.

"Thanks." She hurried into the bathroom before he could question her again. She quickly made a sweep to ensure that no one else was there then pushed open one of the stall doors, locking it behind her. She dialled Castle's number and waited impatiently as it rang.

He picked up on the third ring. "Esposito, what's up?" came his usually perky voice. He was either a really good actor or he was actually in a good mood.

"Castle don't hang up." She felt a sense of panic when she heard nothing on the other end but breathed a sigh of relief when his voice was clear on the other end.

"You tricked me," he said bluntly.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Is that what you call it? Talking? I on the other would call it- i don't know- yelling, accusing, insulting-" It was hard not to miss the bitterness and hurt in his tone.

"Look, I'm sorry Castle." she cut in.

He paused. She guessed he was thinking about how to respond. "Just so we're clear, what are you apologizing for?"

Beckett massaged her fingers over her forehead, "I'm shouldn't have treated you the way I did."

He gave a non-committal hum."I adopted him and just so you know there's no mid-life crisis- I'm not even old enough to have one of those," he cut in before she could continue. "I really don't get why you were so upset. I mean you live your life how you choose, _with_ whoever you choose so is it so wrong for me to want to do the same?"

"There's no problem, Castle."

"Really because I didn't seem like it? Explain it to me so I'll understand."

She drew a shaky breath and leaning for support on the wall she whispered,"You abandoned me."

He heard what she said but asked her to repeat anyway. "You abandoned me Castle," a tired huff rushed from her lips. "You claimed to have my back but you let me down. You said always...obviously you didn't mean it"

Castle sighed on the other end, "Where are you?"

"Why?"

"Just tell me."

"In the ladies' room." Suddenly, she heard the bathroom door creak open and saw someone standing on the other side of the door. Cautiously, she opened the stall door and peeped to see if her hunch was correct. Standing on the other side, looking back at her was Castle. She exited the stall and stood in front of him. She wouldn't look him in the eye. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"The guys lured me here. They called a couple of minutes ago, said it was urgent and I to come right away." He took a step closer and tilted her head up to meet her eyes. She was taken aback by what she say in them, the brilliant blue burning into her. "Kate, I will always have your back. I wanted to make sure you knew that when I said that you shouldn't hesitate to come over, even if it is just to talk." Breaking eye contact, she shook her head in understanding. "I might have been expecting you to talk to me weeks ago but now is as good a time as ever." He grinned and she couldn't help but smile back. That was one of the thing she missed about him, his ability to make her smile. Then of course there were his eyes, his rugged handsomeness, his boyish charm, his sexy laugh, his- crap.

"Sorry about not calling or visiting. I was just a little angry, I guess," she apologized, he could see the sincerity in her eyes.

His lips quirked up in a mischievous smile, "You might have to make up for that one."

She'd never admit it but that was another one of the things she missed, his sexual innuendos. Kate gave him a light smack on the arm.

Castle rubbed the area where he'd been hit although it didn't hurt at all. "Okay, okay. You're forgiven."She smile gave him nearly threw him off balance.

"So where is this son of yours right now and when do I get to meet him?"

"How about tomorrow?" It was less of a question and more like him saying that it would be.

"Why not today?" she asked.

"Because tomorrow I planned to bring him by and introduce him to everyone."

She nodded in understanding, "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes you will." He escorted her out, his large hand resting on the small of her back. She waited until he disappeared behind the elevator doors before joining her team again.

That night Kate slept soundly for what would be the first time in a long while. She had finally made up with Castle and he was coming to the precinct the next day. It wasn't like he was going to shadow her again but she liked the sound it anyway and she was definitely looking forward to meeting his son.

* * *

><p>In the morning Beckett awoke earlier than usual which said a lot- she usually got up super early on a normal day. Then, as expected, she had nothing to do so she headed off to work. It wasn't a big surprise that no one else was there which was never really a bother because it meant that she could get in an hour or two in the gym without any interruptions. By the time she came out of the showers almost all the precinct staff had arrived.<p>

Ryan and Esposito were at their stations debating over who was cooler, Edward or Jacob? Beckett passed the pair, giving her input which was in the form of an obvious, 'Jacob.' God knows they would have annoyed her until answered them anyway.

The detective sat there, anxiously shaking her favourite ball point pen and gaping at the elevator literally every two minutes. Stillness only made it worse and the fact that even if she did to move, she had nowhere to go. If she visited Lanie the woman would surely pick up on how nervous she was then poke and prod until she obtained answers. She had breakfast only a minute ago, a cup of coffee and a bearclaw which Rick had delivered to her that morning- so that ruled out making a coffee stop and stopping by the loft was out of the question. The only option was to sit there twiddling her thumbs. Doing paperwork was never fun but could have occupied her in the current situation, however, being Beckett she had finished it all the previous day.

The clock in the break room now read 11:00a.m and Lanie, who already knew that a certain person was coming to visit- was surprised that Beckett's head hadn't exploded as yet. She was fine until she caught whim of the time after which she began complaining about how Castle always did everything in his own time and she had better things to do than wait on the tardy writer.

"Which anyone could see is clearly the case here," Lanie mumbled, sarcasm dripping like venom from the lips.

It was 11:30a.m and ding came from the lift followed by the voice of someone familiar, noisily greeting, "Daddy's back kiddies! Did you miss me?"

Beckett tried nevertheless failed to hide a smile as Castle strolled up to her desk where she sat in her chair with Dr. Parish perched on her desk. Detectives Ryan and Esposito had long hopped out of their chairs, grinning like children. None of them failed to notice the adorable boy in his arms, adorably clad in a pair of plaid shorts and a light blue tee.

"Castle we saw you yesterday," Beckett pointed out.

"Way to ruin my grand entrance," he pouted. Beckett laughed. He was so cute and even more so with the child in his hands.

"Who is this sweetheart?" Lanie asked, wide-eyed.

When everyone had gathered around he proceeded to enlighten them. "This is Nathaniel Eli Castle, the newest member of the family."

Kevin, who had proceeded to allow the youngster to hold his finger and had no hope of getting it back- gave the longest 'aww' he group had ever heard. Strangely, he didn't appear the least embarrassed when they all turned to look at him.

"What? I like kids," he defended.

"Anyway," Castle continued. He turned to Lanie who was on his right. His son automatically stared at the stranger before him, his electric blue eyes glued on her. "Nate, this lovely lady here would be Lanie. For you though she would be more like your Aunt Lanie."

Lanie looked a tad emotional from being dubbed an aunt but simply shook Nate's hand which formerly held Ryan's. Nate had been too distracted by Aunt Lanie to grip that of the man's.

Rick did a 90° rotation, "And these two would be Tweedledee and Tweedledum-"

"Hey!" both guys protested.

Castle smiled innocently, "Just kidding. They are Uncle Ryan and Uncle Espo."

Kevin grinned from ear to ear while Esposito proceeded to ruffle the boy's chestnut curls and greeted him with a, "Hey, little man."

Lastly, he faced Beckett who stood between Parish and the boys.

"Now, this absolutely stunning, extraordinary yet intense and awfully bossy woman is Kate Beckett." At this point Kate's face and neck were both a deep red. "Since she complained about you not having a mother, she can fill the role as Mommy Kate."

Everyone else watched Castle and Beckett's interaction, glancing from one to another. Lanie wore an exceedingly naughty smirk which she only his after the pair broke their eye sex when Kate leaned in to place a kiss on the child's cheek, eliciting a giggle from him.

Ever observant, Dr. Parish picked up what lay behind the seemingly subtle glances. She knew he was back to square one, all the progress he'd made in convincing himself that he felt nothing for Kate was for nothing. She really had to intervene. She couldn't wait till the day they could deal with their feelings like two sensible adults. "Uh Writer Boy, you and I need to chat so how about we leave Mr. Cutie here with the lovely detectives?" Before he could reply she was already halfway to the break room.

Castle handed Nate over to Beckett, de-shouldering a bag which went unnoticed until now and marched off to the break room. It felt like he was being reprimanded by the principal for something he probably did do but was going to try his best to deny involvement.

Lanie waited until her entered to close the door then turned to face him, her expression surprisingly soft. "So how are you coping?"

"The answer is pretty much the same as when you last asked me," he shrugged. It was obviously a lie which Lanie saw straight through.

"Sure," she murmured, watching him incredulously. She wondered when they'd learn it made no sense lying to her, she knew the truth. "So what was that all about?" She pointed in the direction of the bullpen.

Being Castle he decided to play the 'I have no idea what you're talking about' card. "What was what?" It was ironic, they were about finding the truth yet when questioned it was always deny, deny, deny.

"Boy, don't play dumb with me." They could do this the easy way or the hard way. The latter involved a present Beckett and either win she'd win. "You two were totally undressing each other with your eyes.'

"What? No," his voice was hushed. "She has Josh."

She folded her arms across her chest, "Look, Josh or no Josh, you two were having eyes sex and I'm going to make a note to point that out to my girl as well."

"Lanie, you can't. She'll freak and things would get awkward between us. What if she stops speaking to me again?" he pleaded. Or she'll dump Dr. Motorcycle Boy to be with him. It was a possibility. _Yeah right_, he thought.

"Why do you always imagine worse case scenarios?"

"It's one of the perks of being a writer,"he said wryly.

"More like a wuss," she supplied. Maybe she should just do what the boys suggested and lock them a closet until they hash it out. _I swear these two will give me grey hair and I'm too young for that!_

"Hey!" Castle exclaimed, clearly offended. Lanie did have a point though- he was scared.

"Don't hey me. If you would put on your big boy pants and tell her how you feel I wouldn't have to get involved," Lanie stated bluntly.

He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands and released a low breath, "It wouldn't be right of me to do that." Lanie rolled her eyes, itching to slap him up-side the head. "And were are you planning to tell her?"

She grinned evilly and Castle had to admit it was a little unnerving, "Don't you worry your pretty little head, I've got this." If only she was as confident as she sounded. Now she was truly considering locking them in a closet.

"Lanie?"

"Huh?"

"What would you tell her?"

"Nothing I haven't told her before."

"So it's a lost cause then?"

"Writer Boy-"

"Don't bother Lanie. I've already faced reality and the reality is she has Josh. I wouldn't be right of me to ruin that. Maybe it's time you face reality as well." He walked out the door.

On return to the bullpen the sight that greeted them wasn't the least bit surprising. Esposito had Nate hoisted above his head, making what he thought to be the sound of an aeroplane but was more like the sound of a car that was a second from ending up as scrap metal. Even in mid flight he was having a blast, emitting a loud burst of laughter as the man supporting him chased his partner around the room.

Beckett watched the trio, admittedly amused and slightly embarrassed- her eyes ornamented with an alluring glow, her smile brilliant and contagious. Castle sighed, _God, she's beautiful_. This was going to be difficult.

* * *

><p><em>I must say that I have received some wonderful reviews so far and I'd just like to thank all of you who reviewed or favourited my story. I tried to post this chapter as soon as I could considering how busy I've been. Hope you liked it and will review:D It'll make my day! Thanks again.<em>


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

Movie night at the loft had always been a highly anticipated event, mainly enjoyed by the younger two in the Castle household. Martha's was presence occasional, she always had some _function_ to attend but luckily a certain detective and her team had closed a case so at least they could be there. As usual Castle went all out. The dark, leather couch usually situated in the living room was replaced by a tan sectional from another one of the loft's studies and instead of watching the movie on the flat screen as was normal, he used a projector and screen which he'd bought the screen after the case with the dirty bomb.

Alexis was scrambling around in the kitchen when a knock came from the door. Still in her hurried state, she ran to open it and slid it open to find Detective Beckett on the other side.

Her face immediately lit up when she saw the teen. "Hi Alexis."

"Hello detective, come on in." She flashed the famous Castle smile, brilliant, warm and genuine.

"Please, call me Kate." She entered, instinctively searching for her favourite author. When she didn't see him, she looked to Alexis who was doing something in the kitchen, "Where's your dad?" Her eyes widened when they landed on the pile of food on the kitchen island. She counted three giant bowls of chips, five dips, a mound of wings (barbequed and fried), five bowls of popcorn and enough sodas to last the rest of the year.

Alexis followed Kate's line of sight and gave her an apologetic smile. "Dad says he likes to 'be prepared', in normal person speak that means go overboard." That sounded like Castle. "He's upstairs with Nate. You can go up if you like."

"Thanks." She gave a nod and went off in search of him. She had never been in Castle's room before and only knew where it was because he had told her when she'd stay after her apartment was blown up but now that he changed rooms to be near to Nate this would be a bit of a problem, especially in such a big place. She didn't have to worry too much. As she neared the end of the hallway, she could hear his voice coming from the room on her right, the door was slightly agape. She knocked lightly on the door before a voice beckoned her in.

"Are you decent?" she asked, half hoping he'd say no.

She heard him chuckle and when he spoke she knew he was smirking the same way he did when his mind had wondered to strange and highly inappropriate places. "Yes. Is that going to be a problem 'cause I can fix it?"

She rolled her eyes and equally naughty smirk on her face though slightly disappointed that he said yes and because she was not feeling guilty about wanted to see him indecent. What was wrong with her? "No Castle, a decent you is perfectly fine." She peeked around the corner and spotted the writer standing at the side of what was no doubt the biggest bed she had ever seen, trying to dress a little boy who was obviously more interested in playing.

"Why hello detective," he said in a disarmingly husky voice, tearing his eyes away from the wriggling child.

Her eyes widened for a second, words failing her before she regained her composure. Damn him and his gorgeous eyes, tempting lips- she cleared her throat. Crap. "H-hi Castle." She groaned inwardly at how week-in-the-knees-teenage-girl she was being.

He noticed but didn't let on to which she was grateful. "How long have you been here?"

"Actually I just got here." She came up next to him and giggled, yes giggled as he continued to fail at clothing a diaper-clad Nate.

If she was going to giggle at him, he was going to rib her about it. "Did you just giggle?"

"No," she said quickly, a little too quickly. _Now to change the subject before he teases me_. "Need some help?"

He smiled at how skilfully she was evading the subject, he had to hand it to her. "Nicely done."He didn't have to say anything else, she knew what he meant. She smiled at him. "I'll give you a break this time but only because the others will be arriving soon."

She moved to grab the youngster who was making a break for it while Castle held up the tiny stripped tee he had been rustling with earlier. They moved in sync, anybody who saw them would have assumed it was a norm for them.

"I don't remember it being this hard."

She gave him a sideways glance, "It probably wasn't." He slipped the shirt over the Nate's head and gently tugged his tiny arms through the sleeves. He scooped up a denim jumper which he managed to put on with ease since Nate was too busy examining one of Kate's curls to struggle.

"Done," he breathed noisily. "Shall we?" There was no answer. Was he talking to himself? He tried again. "Kate?"

"Hmm?" she barely took her eyes of the tot.

"Looks like I'm being replaced," he mumbled, glancing between the two who seemed to be too busy to pay him any attention. His own son and...and whatever she was to him were ignoring him. "Hey Beckett!"

She whipped around looking slightly annoyed, "What?"

"I'm right here." He waved a hand.

"So?"

"So pay attention."

"Is somebody jealous?" she teased, the corners of her mouth quirking up slightly.

"Looks like you've found my replacement," he said with mock hurt, wielding a hand to his chest. "I'm supposed to be the cute one." He pouted like a child who wanted a cookie but his found that the jar was empty.

_How can anyone be so hot and so adorable at the same time? It isn't normal. Well of course it isn't normal, he's Castle._ She almost felt bad teasing him. Almost. Who was she kidding, she loved it. "I wonder who gave you that impression."

"I thought it went without saying."

"No. If no one said it then it's obviously untrue." She shook her head and made her way out of the room. "Besides, I'm way cuter than you are."

"You are pretty cute." They walked along side each other, the stairs coming into view. "I'm still cuter though."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

Maybe he'd pull a Bugs Bunny on her. "No I'm not."

"Exactly. I am," she grinned at him. He mentally cursed her ability to out-smart him when he was supposed to be doing the outsmarting.

He gave an annoyed grunt, "Didn't stand a chance, did I?"

"Nope."

Rick and Kate were standing at the top of the stair well when an 'I wonder what took you guys so long' came from somewhere on the lower level.

Seated at the kitchen island were Lanie and Esposito with equally prompting grins on their faces. Kate shook her head, she didn't even try to hide the smile that crept onto her face, giving the impression that there was some naughty tale to be spun. They both found themselves wishing they had done something along what their dirty-minded friends were implying- that way Esplanie would be tortured by that fact that they didn't know. Boy did they hate not knowing, especially Lanie. Then there was obviously the fact that they would both enjoy whatever it was.

Castle glanced around, turned his attention back to his guests and asked, "Where's Ryan?"

Esposito responded, "He should be here in a minute or tw-"

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Castle sped off and returned, they quirky, blue-eyed detective in tow.

"What's up?" Ryan asked, a slight bounce in his step as he approached the group.

Esposito jumped in, "Castle and Beckett sneaking down stairs." Beckett threw him a glare which he ignored.

"Dude," Ryan mouthed, eyes with excitement.

"I know right."

"You do know we're here right?" Beckett quipped, ending the pair's not-so-quiet whispers.

Javier stared at Castle, Beckett and Lanie quizzically, "Your point being?" Beckett rolled her eyes ignoring the smug look on Esposito's face.

"You see what it feels like to be ignored?" Castle asked Beckett, Nate still cradled in her arms- her earrings suddenly more fascinating than her hair.

"We weren't ignoring you. You simply weren't of that much interest to us at the time."

He pretended to be appalled. "Detective, are you calling me boring?"

Castle and Beckett bickered, Ryan and Esposito laughed at them and engaged in a rather loud conversation about the sexual tension between, Lanie played with Nate who she kidnapped from her friend's lap. _Not much had changed at all_, she thought.

Someone cleared their throat and they all turned to see Alexis waiting expectantly, an eyebrow raised in question. "So are we going to watch the movie or not?"

Movie night was in full swing. They were enjoying the movie but more so each other's company. Not-so-subtle looks were being passed between the couple known as Caskett, who sat next to each other, all the while Lanie who was on Kate's other side would occasionally glance at them. They were like a pair of love struck teens, stealing glances from each other from across the classroom. Halfway into the movie Kevin and Javier were in a heated debate on who made the better pirate: Black Baird's daughter, Penelope Cruz or Elizabeth Swan, Keira Knightly, only to be shushed by a thoroughly annoyed Alexis. It was obviously about who they thought looked better. The Irish favoured Keira and the Latino, Penelope.

They were at the part where the first mermaid appeared when Nate, who they had thought to be asleep- started to clap and giggle, the sound from his tiny hands almost inaudible. All eyes were on him and they couldn't help but smile at the boy's enthusiasm. Though Castle wasn't his biological father, they had that bit in common- a fancy for beautiful women. The fact that she was blonde was a bit unsettling since Kate always ragged Castle on how much the blonde bimbos loved him but Nate always seemed to gravitate towards Kate and she was a brunette. That made her feel a bit better.

"Kid's right," Esposito said, straightening up. He gave a whistle, "Where can I get me una chica como esa?" Lanie reached across a pinched him. He yelped and rubbed where his hand had been bruised. "Relax chica. I was just kidding."

"Sure you were," Lanie turned he attention back to the screen.

"You are so whipped," Castle chuckled.

"Totally whipped," Ryan added.

"Luckily for me I am a single man and I have no one to pinch me so I'm going to have to say I agree you there." Beckett's head snapped towards him, fixing him with a pointed glare. Castle felt a pain on his arm, "Owww!" Beckett grinned at him. "What was that for?" Really, why did she pinch him? When he thought about it, one word came to mind. Jea-lous!

"You said you had no one to pinch you. I just wanted you to know that I'm always here," Kate smiled sweetly. "Whether it's a pinch, punch, slap... You can count on me."

"I don't doubt it," he mumbled, " but I still want one." He pouted.

"Now why doesn't that surprise me?" She asked, an eye brow raised.

_Damn that was sexy_. The mischievous glint in his eyes returned. "Cause you know me so well," he gave her a smouldering look before putting his game face back on. "And really, what guy wouldn't want one?"

"So once she looks like that it's okay? Never mind she eats men."

"Actually that makes her kinda hotter."

Beckett rolled her eyes, "Of course you'd say so."

"Guys," Alexis pleaded, "We're trying to watch a movie here."

"Sorry Alexis."

"Sorry Sweety." Five minutes went before Castle broke the silence again, "You know, if it would make you feel better you could dress up as a mermaid for me instead."

Beckett glared at him and Alexis sighed noisily. _Yup_, Lanie thought. _Just like old times._

* * *

><p><em>Okay, that is the end of this chapter. In answer to those who were concerned about whether or not I'm going to get rid rid of Josh, I say of course. Castle and Beckett will get there. I won't make you wait too long but I also don't want to get them together so soon. Also, you asked for fluff so i'll be smooth fluffing from here on out. Excuse my corny jokes.<em>

_Remember to review!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A million sorries for taking _forever_ to update. I had the chapter ready to post a while ago but then I wanted to make some changes and a bunch of other things and now finally, here we are. The next two chapters are already in progress so at least they'll be up soon. Enjoy._

Disclaimer: I own nothing_._

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

With the most recent case closed all that was left to do was paperwork. Of course, Castle chose this time to visit. How he always caught them in the middle of the incredibly boring task was beyond her. Regardless, she was glad to see him and the adorable muchkin he brought with him. She beamed when she heard the 'hi' and looked up to see the writer- Nate on his hip and a black diaper bag on his free shoulder.

"Hey Castle."

He crossed to sit in what was once more 'his chair'. She threw a death glare at anybody who tried to move it during the time they had spent apart and now that he was back, even though he was done following her- it was still known as his. "How's it going?"

"Just doing some paperwork, you?"

He gave a one-shouldered shrug, "Nothing much. We were just in the neighbourhood and decided to stop by." He was always in the neighbourhood.

"Mm-hmn." She watched Nate who was eyeing her. He giggled as she smiled at him, using his hands as a sort of shield from being seen. "So where's Alexis?"

"Getting as much time with her friends as she can before she's off to Princeton. Speaking of which she says to give her a call."

"What? Why? Is something wrong?" She sounded like Castle whenever his daughter wanted to talk to her and he didn't know what about. Talk about a role change.

He smiled at her concern. She really did care for his kids. "Everything is fine. She just wants you help her with some shopping for school."

She visually relaxed. "Okay, I'll give her a call." She glanced back at the little boy. Castle could tell she wanted to hold him but was too shy to ask. He wouldn't make her. He smoothly came up with some excuse about coffee and retreated to the breakroom.

Kate sat there, smiling and tickling the child, his giggles carrying through the bullpen and attracting other officers. She was too busy to care. She had always liked children. She'd never old Castle that but if he hadn't known before, he knew it now. However, this didn't quiet explain why she was so attached to this one.

The answer was as simple as a slap in the face. It was because he was _his_ son. _He_ was allowing her to be a part of _his_ son's life, to take care of him and be there for him. She felt herself blushing as she recalled him tell Nate that she would be the mother he needed. Usually she would have been outraged, even terrified at such a statement, her first thought would be to cut and run. Instead, she was warmed by it.

A cup of espresso appeared on her table, postponing her thoughts. Castle lowered himself in his seat, before either could say anything the loud voices of two detectives came from the far end of the bullpen, in the direction of the rapidly closing elevator.

"Baby C!" they shouted in unison, bounding over to Beckett's desk.

"Hey man," Ryan greeted, acknowledging the undoubtedly entertained father. Everyone had gotten attached to Nate, especially the boys. Nowadays, their most heated arguments were about holding the child.

"Whatsup?" Esposito asked, already reaching for the boy. He pouted when his hands were slapped away by a possessive Beckett.

"Come on Beckett," he pleaded.

"No, I just got him." And while he as an uncle, she was more aunt/mom so she had first rights.

"But you see him all the time," Javier grumbled, stomping a foot on the ground like a defiant child.

"No I don't." All the time was a bit of a stretch. "And you better hope he doesn't pick that up." She really hoped the child wouldn't pick up their mannerisms- they were such children sometimes.

He gave a defeated sigh, "Fine but I call dibs next time."

"You can't call dibs," Ryan complained. If only he'd thought about it first.

"Why not?" Esposito faced him, hands folded across his chest.

"Because you can't," he matched his partner's pose.

"If you called dibs I'd respect that and you wouldn't be saying complaining ."

"Yeah right. I-"

Spolied, undisciplined, unruly, defiant children, that's what they were. "Guys! Can you act your ages for once?" She scolded them. They turned to her, heads bowed in shame. "He is a child, not shotgun. You can't call dibs." She looked thoroughly pissed- like they went outside, played in the mud and then trekked the dirt all over her house. "Act like his uncles and not his slightly older brothers. If he starts stomping his feet and acting like you two I will deal with you myself, understood?"

"Understood," they chirped.

Out of nowhere Lanie appeared and having witnessed the hold exchange she couldn't help but admire Kate. She came to a stop next to the pouting homicide detectives. "Looks like you've got this whole parent thing down packed."

Beckett rolled her eyes and handed over the child just so Lanie wouldn't start. She had no interest in hearing her go on about what a cute family they'd make.

Esposito quit sulking immediately. "Wait. She doesn't even ask and you give him to her?" She glared at him and he hastily shifted his attention to something else, settling on his girlfriend and nephew.

Oblivious to his boss' reaction, Ryan tested his luck. He shook his head in disbelief, "Yeah, so unfair." She threw him a glare and needless to say, he too shrank back then he and his partner proceeded to see which one of the two could hold the child's attention enough to coerce him into leaving the M.E's arms.

Otherwise occupied, the conversation between Castle and Beckett went unnoticed or if they were eavesdropping they didn't let on.

Castle, who Beckett felt staring her down during the exchange between her and the boys- whispered, "Will you reprimand me that if I misbehave?" The man-child was evidently enthused. She'd never admit it but she liked his boyish charm.

Fine, she'd bite. "Only if you want me to," she whispered, inching a bit closer.

"I have a couple of ideas on how you could punish me." He matched her movement.

"I do as well," she moved closer- now they were only inches apart. She bit her bottom her lip, she knew it drove him crazy- then gave a seductive smirk, gazing at him through her long eyelashes.

What were they doing? They had to stop whatever _this _was. Was it a just a game or something more? But it was so fun...

She saw his eyes darken with lust, she licked her in response. '_Stop Beckett, what are you doing? You have to stop. You're in the middle of the precinct where everyone can see you,'_ a voice in her head nagged, it was her own. '_Why stop Kate? What's the harm? You like him, he likes you. Think of what it would be like to ravish him here and now.'_ Shit. That voice sounded strangely like Lanie. This was bad. Kate's internal battle raged on, Castle's only beginning.

_'Come on Dad, back away. Remember your reason for quitting.'_ If there was ever a time for his voice of reasoning to be Alexis, it was now. Having his daughter's voice in his head, giving him advice when it came to stuff like this was just wrong. It was almost as if she was watching. He bit back a shiver.

_'Oh, screw reason, Richard. Look at her, the woman's absolutely beautiful not to mention...'_ Martha? His mother and daughter were in his head, surely it couldn't get any worse than that. At least that's what he thought. He watched her moisten her lips. '_Don't look, don't look, don't look,'_ he chanted but he looked anyway and just like that it came. _'Don't you want to know what it would be like...to taste my lips, feel the softness against your own?'_ Beckett? This was so unfair- she was filling his eyes and his head too. God help him. '_To run your tongue against my bottom lip and hear my unconsciously moan into your mouth as out tongues battle in what would be the most heated duel either of us would ever experience? Remember that night when we distracted that guard? Now imagine that times a hundred..._'

"Dammit he," he muttered through gritted teeth. He could feel the blood rushing to inappropriate places. He sat upright, crossing his legs in the process and attempted to take deep, calming breaths. He had to regain control or risk embarrassing himself.

Kate was a little disappointed but immediately perked up when she understood why he retreated. She couldn't help but smile at the effect she was having on him. She too straightened up and just in time to see the elevator doors open and Josh stroll out. Wait, Josh. Her _boyfriend._ Oops.

Guilt reared its ugly head. She was flirting with another guy while her boyfriend was in the same building. She wanted to brush it off by thinking that she and Castle flirted all the time- this was nothing new so there was no need to feel guilty. Except, somehow this time was different.

Strangely enough Castle was feeling even guiltier. The Alexis voice in his head was right, there was a reason why he had quit and now it was as if nothing had changed. Besides, how would he feel if another man shameless flirted with his girlfriend? This would come back to bite him in the butt.

Josh walked up to them, the youngster in the M.E's arms not going unnoticed. "Hello boys, Dr. Parish," he greeted them with a polite nod.

"Boys?" Ryan and Esposito whispered conspiratorially to each other. They dared him to call them _boys _again.

He rounded the desk and stood next to his girlfriend. "Babe." Beckett almost winced at the pet name. He bent to give her a kiss on the mouth but the turned so it landed on her cheek. She hated PDA even more than pet names. He chanced a glance Castle's way and addressed him coldly, "Rick." Rick? He couldn't remember giving him permission to call him that, it was reserved for his friends, people he actually liked. He might have had a fleeting moment of shame for hitting on man's girl but even that didn't merit calling him Rick.

Castle gave the most genuine smile he could muster given the man hated his guts, "Dr. Davidson, please call me Castle," and the feeling was mutual.

The tension in the room was so thick you'd need a chain saw to cut in. Ryan and Esposito were staring Josh down; Castle was playing with his phone; when Beckett wasn't glancing at all of them she was staring at the floor; Josh's eyes were dancing from Nate to Castle to Beckett and back again; and Lanie, God bless her and her unfounded like for awkward situations- was biting her tongue to stifle the laugh threatening to break free anytime soon.

The cardiac surgeon was either paranoid or that kid looked like the writer and _his_ girlfriend. He had her hair and her smile but the writer's eyes. He was going to kill that man.

Kate had had enough, anymore and she would be pulling the hair out of her head. "You wanted to talk to me?" she asked, head tilted towards her boyfriend.

He looked agitated and a shade redder but kept his tone neutral, "Can we talk?" He motioned away from the group.

"Uh-sure." She followed him. As soon as they were out of earshot, everyone huddled in.

"Do you think she'd mind if we kicked his ass?" Esposito asked, seriously considering it.

"If we hide his body no one would ever find it," Ryan said. Castle knew that this was their method of comforting him- his feelings for their friend not forgotten.

Castle smiled at the gesture but turned them down, "Guys, there will be no kicking of asses or hiding of bodies, okay?" He waited a beat. "And I think she would mind...I'd mind."

"Dude are you seriously defending him even after he gave you the stink eye?"

"Come on Castle, man up. He's got nothing on you."

He sighed, "He's got Kate and...if she's happy, I'm happy."

"How can you be so sweet yet so stupid at the same time?" Lanie said in angry whisper. "Sure, I'm happy is she's happy but not when it includes Motorcycle Boy over there when it clearly should be you."

'Lanie-" Castle tried but she interrupted.

"-And don't think we didn't see you two. We could feel the sexual tension and probably the whole of New York as well."

"Can we just drop this? They're coming back over..."

They all pretended to be busy NOT talking about the two in question.

Beckett paused at Lanie's side, the doctor followed suite. As expected the first pair of eyes on her was Nate's. She glanced between the infant and her boyfriend, "Josh, this is Nate, Castle's son and Nate this is Josh."

Nate spared a glance at the man. His expression, which had been all smiles a minute ago, was now a frown, his eyes glaring daggers into Josh.

As the others peeped at the boy's expression, they had to fight the urge not to laugh. Lanie couldn't even look up from the floor and Ryan and Esposito had to turn away to hide their expressions. Castle had to say, the look his son was giving Motorcycle Boy strangely mirrored one of Beckett's glares. It was somewhere between scrutiny and outrage.

"I don't think he likes me much," Josh whispered to Beckett.

Castle grinned behind his while Ryan and Esposito magically started choking on nothing, erupting into a fit of coughs and Lanie hid her smile in Nate's hair. Just as Castle had decided it was safe to speak without risk of laughing at the poor doctor, the middle Castle came skipping into the bullpen.

"Hi guys!" she said cheerfully.

Castle turned to her in surprise, "Alexis! Honey, what are you doing here?"

She stared at her father in disbelief- the man had the memory of a goldfish. "Seriously dad?"

He just looked at her.

Alexis sighed, "The doctor, dad."

"Oh yeah!" he made a 'pshh' sound, "I knew that."

"Sure you did. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, about." Ryan handed his friend the diaper bag and the littlest Castle switched to his father's arms. He turned his attention back to his friends, "We're still on for poker tonight, right?"

"You bet," Esposito said as he and Ryan bumped fists. "Ready to go crying to your momma after we clean out your pockets, Writer Boy?"

Castle grinned, "I could ask you two same thing. Come to think of it, if I recall correctly, that was what you did last time, right Ryan?"

Ryan frowned, "I had something in my eye." The others laughed. "What? I did!"

"Sure. See you later guys."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

Castle jumped at the sound of his phone vibrating on his desk. Sluggishly he sat up, cringing when his back refused to comply. Groaning, he forced himself upright, his frown deepening with each mind-numbing crack. He sighed as his own back finally connected with that of the chair. He turned his head but there was a pain in his neck. "I'm getting too old for this," he mumbled. He reached for the cell and looked at the caller i.d. It was Beckett. He answered it Castle style, "Miss me already?" He heard her scoff on the other end.

"No," she said quickly, perhaps a little too quickly. "Don't flatter yourself Castle. God know's your ego is big enough as it is."

"Deny it all you like, I know you love me." There was this weird pause on the other end before she spoke again.

"Uh-so-how did the visit to the doctor go?"

"Great actually. It's weird. Whenever I took Alexis she'd scream from the moment we enter until we leave but Nate...he loves it!"

"Good to hear." There was another pause- he figured she was thinking of something to say. As per usual he came to her rescue.

"So...what up?"he asked, rising from his seat and walking through the door leading to his bedroom.

"Nothing much, just...relaxing."

"Nothing to do detective?" He sat on the edge of his bed and proceeded to unbuckle his belt. He slipped off the his jeans and threw them in the hamper across the room.

"Unfortunately not."

"And you were calling in hopes that I would change that?"

"Shut up, Castle."

He chuckled, "Where Motorcycle Boy? I thought you two would go out or something."

"He's off saving the world again. He only came today to say goodbye before he left."

"Oh," Castle tried to think of something to say, something that didn't involve him expressing his joy about the doctor being gone. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"I sorry that I didn't find about this earlier. You could have come over for dinner and a movie, God knows how happy the little one would have been."

"The little one huh? In that case I'm sorry too."

"Perhaps you could read."

"Any suggestions?"

"What's the point? We both know what you'll choose."

"James Patterson's Kill Me If You Can or #1 Suspect? I bought them earlier this week but haven't gotten around to reading them yet."

"Funny Detective, however untrue. I know you'll end up reading one of my novels, one inspired by you perhaps? Or shall I interest you in the offer to be read to by yours truly." She hummed thoughtfully on the other end. He knew what her answer was and how difficult it seemed for her to simply ask so he'd make it easy on her. "The latter it is."

She sighed dramatically, "If you insist."

He smiled, knowing she was secretly grateful for not making her ask, "I do. By the way, are you in bed." He got up and trekked back into his office to get the first novel in his Nikki Heat series. When he found it he headed to his room again.

"Why, Castle? Fantasizing again, are you?"

"Always detective but that's not why I asked," he retorted as he sunk under the silk covers.

"Really."

"Yes really. I just wanted to make sure you're comfortable before I begin,"

"The couch is comfortable."

"Yes but I don't think your body will say the same thing after waking up on it in the morning."

"Hmm...good point."

"I know. Now get comfy detective."

He heard shuffling on the other end before her voice came again, "Ready."

"Great." He cleared his throat then read the first few words in Heat Wave but then he stopped. " Wait. You're still on for tomorrow right? I'm assuming Alexis remembered to ask you ."

"Yes and yes. I promised Alexis I'd be there and I keep my promises. Now read."

"Patience detective." He cleared his throat again and began. "_It was always the same for her when she arrived to meet the body. After she unbuckled her seat belt, after she pulled a stick pen from the rubber band on the sun visor, after her long fingers brushed her hip to feel the comfort of her service piece, what she always did was pause..._"

Castle listened to the melodic breathing on the other end. Sometime while he was reading he noticed that her breathing had evened out. It was longer, deeper, less hurried, more tranquil. He sighed. If only he could be there next to her, holding her, watching the rise and fall of her chest and chase away her nightmares. No matter how much he tried not to think about her gorgeous smile or how her hair curled, framing her beautiful face or the cute knit that formed between her eyebrows everything time she was thinking hard about something. No matter how much he tried he couldn't forget that he loved her. He didn't want to forget. At least not yet. If he was lucky, hopefully not ever.

"Kate," he whispered. He needed to assure himself that she was sleeping, that she wouldn't hear what he was about to say. She did't respond. He smiled weakly, hoping that one day he would have the guts to tell her how he felt and wouldn't involve near death experiences. He took a deep breath and whispered again, "Sweet dreams, Kate. I love you."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7

Beckett rapped her fingers against the cool silver. Behind it she could hear a pair of tiny footsteps running eagerly towards her followed by a louder, more even pair. The steel door swung open and almost instantly she was attacked by a small boy who hugged her feet, clearly intent on cutting off her circulation and staring up at her with bright azure eyes. She smiled, swept him up in her arms and held tightly as he wrapped his arms around her neck and proceeded to hug her again. She kissed him on the cheek, mumbling greeting before turning her attention back to the man who opened the door.

"Hi baby. Missed me?" she greeted Nate who obviously had no interest in letting her go. She felt him nod, his neck buried in the crook of her neck. She looked up at Castle, concern etching a deep v on her forehead, "Is he okay?"

"We had a late night," he replied, guiding her in, his large hand resting on the of her lower back- and closing the door behind her. "I swear it's getting harder and harder for me to put him to bed. It's like he's afraid he'll miss something if he does." He gave her a look. "Remind you of anybody."

She attempted to glare at him but her smile betrayed her, "Shut up, Castle."

It was right then she noticed his attire since she arrived. He was wearing light blue jeans and a white shirt with a deep v at the front. Although he had returned to his usual clean-shaven face he still hadn't cut his hair which, to be honest, she was thankful for because she kinda liked it. Skimming his length once more she noticed how his top hugged his impressive figure and she could see his nipples peeking back at her through the stretched fabric. His broad shoulders were accentuated and until now she hadn't realized how big his arms really were. She imagined what it would be like to have him sweep her off her feet, how safe she'd feel in his embrace, like all the problems of reality faded away as long as she was in his arms and all the demons of her past couldn't touch her.

Suddenly she was drawn out of her trance by the look on his face. He was pouting.

She sighed, stepping past him and into the living room, "What's wrong?"

"Alexis says I'm not allowed to join you two for the first part of the day because apparently she is too cool to have her old man tag along for anything other than furniture shopping." He closed the door behind her then walked into the kitchen. Beckett followed.

"Can you honestly tell me that you want to go shopping with your teenage daughter?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. I mean...wouldn't hurt if she'd asked."

"She did."

'You know what I mean."

"You should be happy she even wants to be seen with you at this age."

"Who would want to be seen with me?" he asked. She scoffed. "I'm me!" he said as if that justified everything.

"The day I went shopping for college, it was only supposed to be my mom and I but she insisted that dad join us- against my wishes of course. Needless to say, before midday I had gotten my way and dad never wanted to see the inside of mall again." He rose his eyebrows in question. "One word," she gave a dramatic pause, " lingerie."

He cringed at the thought of shopping with his daughter for...uh! He didn't even want to take about it. "On second thought, I have the best daughter in the world, don't?"

She smiled, unconsciously holding Nate more securely in her arms, "Pretty much."

"Kate!" Beckett looked up to see Alexis descending the stairs.

"Hey, Alexis. Ready to go?" she asked as the girl crossed the room to stand in front of her.

"Yup!" she chirped, then rounded the island to give her dad a peck on the cheek. "Bye Dad!" She placed one on her brother's head.

"Bye Castle."

Castle watched as his daughter and his detective left. "Later."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

Almost four hours and about two dozen shopping bags later, Beckett sank into the chair, a ragged breath rushing from her lips. She had almost forgotten what shopping with a teenage girl was like. Thank God she's remembered to wear flats instead of her usual heals, if not there would be no way she would have survived as long as she did.

She looked around the semi-crowded food court. They were supposed to be here any minute. She wasn't nervous or anything, she just... She didn't know. Shopping with Alexis was one thing but shopping with Castle and his kids... It made her feel like she was a part of a family again. She had forgotten how that felt. It was thrilling and scary as hell and okay maybe a little nerve wrecking. Too bad she couldn't fully allow herself to enjoy it. She still had Josh.

"Kate. Kate!" Alexis' voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry. What were you saying?" she asked.

"I was just asking if you wanted to get something to eat. Is something wrong?"

She shook her head, smiling at the young girl's concern, "I just got lost in thought for a second that's all."

Alexis watched as the detective zoned out again, "Uh, Kate?"

Her head snapped up to met Alexis' pale blue eyes, "Yeah?"

"Lunch?"

"I-"

"-How are my two favourite ladies doing?" came the oh-so-familiar voice .

Kate and Alexis looked up to find Castle and Nate, walking hand in hand, marching towards them. Nate tore away from his father's grasp and ran towards in their direction.

"Hey dad."

"Hi Castle." Kate turned her gaze to the boy whose eyes were on her. They were always on her, just like his father's. He came to stand next to her. "Hi baby," she greeted him. She had to resist the urge to pinch the rosy cheeks on his smiling face.

For the first time since they met he didn't shy away from her gaze. Instead, he gave her the most adorable wave. "Hi," he said.

She couldn't help it when her jaw hit the floor. She looked at Castle who shrugged at her then glanced at his son. She picked him up and set him on her lap. "I think it's same to assume he finally got that nap?"

"He was out like a light. You know, I should have you come over more often. I don't know what you did but it worked better than anything I could come up with." Castle pulled out a chair and sat at their table, He placed a black bag he had been carrying in front of them. "So," he eyed the sea of shopping bags surrounding them, "judging by all of these I assume everything went well?"

"Really well, actually," Alexis admitted, " The rest is in the town car."

"The rest?" he choked out. He didn't even want to think about the bill. Thank God he was rich.

"Yup," she eyed the bag in the middle of the table. "What's in the bag?" He shrugged and she threw him a type-A Beckett glare, "Dad."

He sighed, mumbling something about them not being any fun. His children were becoming more and more like Beckett every day- not that he minded. It was actually the other way around. It allowed him to hold onto the illusion of them being a real family, Kate included. They had his eyes and some of her mannerisms. He unzipped the bag and proceeded to lift its top.

"You made lunch?" Alexis asked, peering over the edge of the material.

He nodded, "That, my lovely daughter, is the smell of homemade rigatoni with herb roasted chicken and as green salad with strawberry balsamic vinaigrette, all compliments of Chez Castle." He reached in and pulled out three medium-sized plastic containers and a smaller blue one, each with blue lids. He handed one of the larger ones to Alexis and one to Kate. "Bon Appétit, Mademoiselles."

Kate popped the lid off and had to try her best not to drool in front of Castle, "You mean you actually made this?"

"You sound so surprised. I have to say detective that kind of sores my confidence."

She smirked, "I'm not surprised, I'm simply curious."

He handed her a fork which she took, "Curiosity killed the cat, Detective."

With the hand that held the utensil she pointed to the food, "And I suppose your cooking brought it back?"

He shrugged, "Something like that." He opened the smallest of the container then turned to his right and opened his arms for Nate. "Come on bud."

To that Nate shook his head, leaning further into Beckett. "No," he said defiantly.

"But you have to eat," Castle reasoned.

The boy shook his tiny head again, his light brown curls bouncing with each movement, "Stay."

"You want to stay and eat with Kate?"

He nodded. "Kay."

Assuming that the boy was asking if it was alright, he looked to Kate for conformation. She gave him a like-you-have-to-ask look to which he nodded and sat back in his seat. "Okay," he replied and shifted the tot's food over. He reached back into the bag and pulled out pale green sippie cup before going in again and appearing with two bottles of sparkling water for him and Kate and an ocean spray cranberry juice for Alexis.

"It's actually not bad," Beckett said.

"Again with the surprise," he said, pointing at her with a finger calloused by hours of typing- a stark contrast to his perfectly manicured nails, "Oh ye of little faith."

She rolled her eyes and looked down at Nate who sat there waiting patiently for the next bite of food. He just stared at her with big blue eyes, his face glowing with the brilliance of a truly happy child. She couldn't help but wonder who would give up a child, he wasn't even hers and she couldn't bear to think about not being a part of his life.

Kate fed him the final fork full then stopped to watch as he hummed delightfully and she couldn't help but laugh especially when he giggled at her. She looked at Castle who apparently had been watching and enjoying the exchange. She couldn't help but notice the look he wore- it was one of a man who had just had all his dreams come true but more than that he had the air of someone who was truly in love. _'Someone who was truly in love,_' she thought to herself, '_someone in love with me.'_ She broke his gaze. It was too bad she couldn't reciprocate those feelings. At least not yet but one day. Hopefully.

_'One day, Kate. One day,'_ Castle thought to himself. He peeked at Alexis on his left, she appeared lost in thought. "Honey, are you okay?" he asked.

Alexis picked at her food her usually happy demeanour suddenly marred by sadness, "I'm going to miss your cooking, that's all," she smiled half-heartedly. She couldn't let him see the truth behind her words- that she'd miss him and grams terribly and with the introduction of her new sibling it made it a whole lot harder and that maybe she wished she didn't have to go.

"Enough for you to reconsider going off to college?" he asked around a mouthful of food. Recently he took every chance he could to dissuade her about leaving.

Alexis stared disapprovingly at her father, however secretly amused and thankful for the change in mood his immaturity brought her, "Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't eat with food in your mouth."

He swallowed and dabbed a tissue around the corners of his mouth before replying. "Probably as many times as I tried to convince you that Santa Clause was real," he mused, "which he is," he added, turning purposefully to Nate when he did so before turning back to Alexis, "and it was worth a shot."

Alexis glanced around the table, "You guys ready to go?"

"Just about," Kate replied. She placed her and Baby C's empty containers in Castle's waiting hands then the sippie cup and her finished bottle of water. She took a wet wipe out of the side of the lunch bag and cleaned the tomato sauce off of Nate's mouth, disposing it among the pile of tissues Castle about to gather up and dump into the plastic bag he was holding.

She stood, bracing the boy on her hip as Alexis came around the table and came to stand next to her. "We'll be in the electronics section if you need us," Alexis said to her father who was still busy ridding the desk of their stuff.

He stopped what he was doing, "You're leaving me to clean up by myself?"

"Dad. Come on. You're a big boy. Just come find us when you're done, okay?"

He pouted, "Fine."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

"How about this one?" Kate asked, pointing with her free hand at the white Sony VAIO Laptop.

Alexis tilted her head, scrutinizing all 15.5 inches of the device but it was the iPad which caught her attention. "Actually I was thinking along the lines of a tablet, more specifically that."

Kate followed her gaze and nodded in understanding, "Lanie has been pestering me to no end about getting one and something about my book shelf needing a break."

"She's right. You should get one."

"Get one of what?" Castle asked from behind them, nearly making Beckett jump out of her skin. She whipped around, armed with a glare, venomous sarcasm and the air of woman about to do some damage- the best kinds of weapons against Castle- well other than a woman wearing six inch stilettos, a short, curve accentuating dress that when she bent one could see...anyway, those weren't appropriate at the moment.

"Jeez Castle! How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me like that?"

"I don't know, twenty...three times?"

"Why is it that you can remember _how _many times I told you not to do it but you can't remember _not _to do it?"

"Because my dear _Katherine_, where's the fun in that?" he asked, edging closer towards her, the sexiest smile she had ever seen on his face. She glared at him and he just stood there looking all amused and handsome despite that fact that any other person would be pissing their pants at that moment. It was infuriating.

"Uh...how about we leave you two to it?" Alexis said. She tip toed her way between the two, took her brother out of her father's arms and walked off. "We'll be in choosing a bed if you need us!" she yelled to them.

"Don't call me that," Kate said, stepping closer towards him.

"What? Katherine?" he asked, further invading her personal space. He was never really a fan of it- at least when it came to Beckett.

"Yes," she spat out. "That."

"Why can't I call you Katherine?" What did her want her to say? That it she just loved the way it rolled off of his tongue? Or that it made her all hot and bothered. Or how about it made the blood flow to all the wrong places. She couldn't tell him any of those things without telling him that she had a mind to jump him right there and then- but she couldn't and there were so many reason as to why that was. "You it when I say your name, don't you?" Shit.

"I'd say not to be so egotistical but then again, it's in your nature so that might be a problem," she mocked, smiling cheekily at him.

"Did I ever tell you that you have gorgeous eyes?"

She rolled her eyes and took a step back, "Yes. The first time we met."

He took a step towards her, "Well it's true and did I tell you how beautiful your smile is?"

She took another step backwards and felt her back collide the shelf. She looking around for a way out but saw nothing. "Alexis and Nate are waiting for us," she tried but he was persistent.

"We'll only be a minute," he breached the gap between them, his face merely inches away. "So what do you say _Katherine_, how about a little _time out_?" He punctuated the last two words with a wiggle of his eyebrows. His nose was touching hers, the warmth of his all-too-steady breaths (considering the fact that she was hyperventilating) wafted against her lips, taunting her, tempting her, making her long for the feel of his lips against her own. Her mind was in too much of a fog to conjure up anything reminiscing a logical thought, leaving her heart free take control and to fulfil her only desire at present. Perhaps for now, just now she would admit that maybe, at least in this moment, she wanted him. Later, when her mind recovers, the internal battle could rage on- her head would tell her how stupid she had been and her heart would protest all the way, saying that the stupid thing would have been to miss out on the chance to experience real, unrestrained happiness.

Just as he was about to end the space between them, the voice of a store attendant came from next to them.

"Can I help you this af- oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?" a skinny, quirky looking girl with red hair and adorable freckles said before she could register their some what compromising position.

Kate cleared her throat and stepped around Castle, "It's okay. You're not interrupting anything. We were just- his daughter was just...browsing and we were...helping."

The attendant apologized again, nodded hastily and scurried off. "Well that was emba-" Castle began to say as he turned around to face Beckett. He stopped when he saw that he was alone. How did she did that he didn't know but he had a pretty good idea where she was. Boy was she sneaky.

He found her with his kids trying out mattresses or that's what it looked like. They were all on the same one, Alexis was to the right and lay on her side, facing Kate, who was on her back with Nate on her stomach, half asleep. Castle paused for a minute to admire the scene in front of him before pressing on. He looked down at them. "Seems like we're all ready for a nap. Have you at least decided on anything?"

"There's always online shopping, right?" she quipped.

"Make some room for your old man and I just might consider it."

Alexis wiggled to her left allowing Castle to fall in next to her. She let him wrap him arm securely around her shoulder like he always did when she ran in his room after having a nightmare. He glanced over at Kate whom he hadn't noticed watching him the whole time. They just lay there watching each other, even after another store attendant showed up and tried to get their attention for what would be the fourth time.

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

Beckett slipped the key into the lock and listened as the bolt slid free of its hold before turning the knob. She pushed the door open and waltzed into her apartment, flicking the light on before hanging her jacket on the coat rack and dropping her keys in the bowl sitting on the table next to the entrance. She sank onto her couch, memories of earlier that day bringing a smile to her face.

She had always heard others speak of their perfect day, the one where the all the pain and misfortune of the past faded away and all that mattered was that single moment of pure bliss- at least for that day. For her parents it was the day they both spent with 3yr old Katie at the park. Her dad would always recall his favourite moment as watching the love of his lie and his baby girl sitting on a picnic blanket, laughing without a care in the world while her mom's was the image of Jim pushing a beaming Katie on the swings. Today she would finally be able to say that she had hers. She relished in the memory of every smile, every laugh and most definitely every almost kiss. Almost kiss? She did say almost kiss, right?

Stupidly, she darted upright only to collapse onto the couch again when her head felt the need to betray her. Stupid vertigo. She groaned and rolled onto her side.

She couldn't process it. Today she was actually going to let Castle kiss her and she wanted him to. What did that even mean? That no matter how much she tried to convince her traitorous heart that she felt nothing for him, at the end of the day her feelings vanquished her wills? That Lanie and Madison and Esposito and everybody had been right? and that if that nervous, ill-timed attendant hadn't appeared when she did she would have cheated on Josh. It seemed that nowadays she hardly remembered him. Every time she tried to envision his face she saw Castle's laughing eyes and swoon-worthy smile. He was all she could think of recently. He was like that one song that drove you crazy but often times you'd find yourself humming the same tune until, eventually, you realize that no matter how many times you reprimand yourself you'll never get it out of your head.

When it came down to it she felt something for him and the worse part was...she didn't know what to do about it.

She really needed to talk to Lanie. Lanie always knew what to do even if Beckett was too stubborn to listen sometimes. Or all the time. Maybe she'd call her now. God knows her friend was always available for any gossip on her relationship or lack there of with the writer.

Just then she broke out in a yawn, her eyes began to droop. Or she could do it tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow was great. For the right now, she'd just dream of him.

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><p>Hoped you liked it. Reviews...<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

I know it's been a _while_ and I'm truly sorry for that. I'd like to thank **msgtt** for giving me a much needed push to continue and for understanding my delay. As promised I finished the next chapter and here it is.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, blah blah blah... You get the point.**

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><p>Chapter 8<p>

Dr. Parish sat at her desk, waiting patiently. They had been sitting there in silence for what seemed like hours. She had tried everything- sighing, tapping the desk with her brightly painted finger tips and she even cleared her throat once or twice, no doubt failing every time to prompt the detective to fess up so she could get back to work. She had contemplated something but didn't want to risk scaring the detective off. Eventually she gave up and accepted that she would speak when she was ready. It was always better that way.

The sound of tapping on the metal autopsy table drew Lanie's chocolate brown eyes in its direction. Beckett stared back at her and from her nervous gaze Lanie assumed she was ready. It couldn't have come at a better time- her butt was beginning to hurt.

Beckett glanced between the white floor and her anxious friend. She might as well get it over with. There was only so long she could stay like this before Montgomery hauled her ass back upstairs, plus she couldn't go home without resolving the situation, if she did her thoughts would probably keep her up all night and when she came to work the next day looking like crap she'd still have to tell her anyway, if not to get it over with then for the sake of her sanity.

She curled her fidgety hand into a tight fist, until the white of her knuckles could be seen. _Here goes nothing._ "So..."

Lanie made a move to shake her head at Beckett but caught herself just in time. She didn't want for her to cower back into her shell, at least not before she could fully assess the situation to figure out what all the suspense was about. So if Beckett wanted to do it this way then sure, Lanie would bite. "So?" she parroted.

"So."

Nuh-uh. To hell with this! This obviously wasn't going anywhere. "Kate I swear to God if you say so one more time."

"Sorry," she muttered.

At the sight of Kate retreating into her shell, Lanie rose from her seat, walked around her desk and hopped on the autopsy table adjacent to Beckett. She looked her eyes, "It's okay or at least it will be if you tell me what is up?"

Lanie watched her carefully- she looked like she was a few seconds away from bolting but to both their surprise she didn't. "I've been thinking..." Lanie looked at Beckett quizzically. "About what you said," she clarified.

The M.E shrugged, "I said a lot of things." Beckett threw her look. A little more and it could be classified a glare. "Not helping. Continue."

"What you said the last time we talked about..." she trailed off, hoping Lanie would pick up on what she was hinting at.

It was Beckett here so it wasn't a surprise that Lanie had no idea what she going on about. "About?"

Of course when she was giving an opening to use her creepy mind reading skills she'd opt out. "About him."

Lanie's eyebrows disappeared under her midnight brown bang, "Him?"

She groaned. Obviously she had to spell _everything_ out. "Yes. _Him_. Castle." She ran a hand through her curls. "I can't remember his face."

"What?"

"Every time I think of him I see his face."

"Is he Castle and-"

"No, Josh."

"Wait, you just said- damn it Kate, would you stop being so cryptic!" Lanie yelled. When did having a conversation with her best friend become so complicated? "Now tell me. What the hell are you talking about and what does it have to do with our conversation?"

"Do you really think he likes me?"

Lanie sighed. "Who? Castle?" Kate nodded. "If you don't know the answer to that by now I don't think you ever will. Why do ask?"

"I just want to be sure."

"Why? Is there something you aren't telling me?"

As rich chocolate met warm hazel, Lanie was taken aback. "He is all I think about, Lanie. Even when don't want to and you know what the worst part is? I don't feel guilty about it anymore."

"Kate..."

"I don't want to run anymore, Lanie." b_ecause I can't_, she finished in her head and she was right. The beat of her heart was louder than the warning her head was screaming, her feeling drowning out all fear.

Lanie gave her this weird stare, making Beckett fidget nervously. Her smile only made the detective more weary. Lanie knew how hard it was for Kate to admit her feeling for Castle, almost as hard as it was for her and everybody else to stand by and watch as the two screwed everything up time and time again so before she celebrated because her friend finally opened her eyes, she had to hear it first.

"For us simple minded people, what are you saying?"

Kate bit her lip. Kate not Beckett because right now, she wasn't the tough as nails detective who carefully erected a wall around her heart to deny entrance to any and everyone, especially those who had the power to shatter it into a million pieces without even trying. Somehow, even though her heart had more security than Fort Knox, Caste found his way in. She swore he just waltzed through the front door, pass all the defences she had so intricately and precisely constructed and unconsciously she'd let him through, not knowing that he had it within him to rip everything she held dare away from her because he was everything.

Right now she was Kate, the fragile, caring, selfless woman who liked to watch Temptation Lane, read and sing when she thought no one was looking. She was the woman behind the mask.

"I think that I might...maybe I...it's possible-"

"-Kate," Lanie said flatly.

"Fine! I think I love him, okay?"

Lanie screamed and jumped off the table to give Kate a bone-crushing hug. Kate would have covered her ears if her hands weren't pinned to her sides by the woman who had more strength than a little person should have. "Oh my gosh, finally! I'm so happy for you, sweetie." Suddenly she took a step back. "Wait, you think?"

"Seriously?"

"Fine, we'll deal with specifics later." She hugged her again, well until Kate began turning blue.

"So what do I do?"

"What do you mean, what do you do? You dump Motorcycle boy's ass and get with Writer Boy."

"Lanie I can't just go straight from one to the other."

"It's nothing like that. You'll break up with the doctor full stop. Then get together with the writer full stop. See? Two separate things." She watched as Kate's brow furrowed and hoped she wasn't having doubts already. "What now?"

"I have to wait until September."

"Why the hell would you do that? Like waiting three years wasn't bad enough."

"That's when Josh is coming back." It was a long wait. Hopefully nothing too serious would happen between her and Castle before then. They had resisted each other for three years, surely a month and a couple of days wouldn't kill them. At least that's what she thought.

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

The ding of the elevator echoed through the bullpen for well past the fifth time since Beckett returned from her visit to M.E and like all the other times the moment the sound greeted her ears and the bright green light met her gaze, she found herself jumping about a foot out of her chair. She groaned and buried her head in her palms, effectively blocking any view of the lift.

This was ridiculous.

It was hard to believe that a week ago she had been sitting in the same place, bubbling with excitement, her eyes glued to the elevator as if by some act of magic he'd appear and now, even though she was staring down the elevator with the same intensity, she was hoping to God that he wouldn't materialize.

It took all of a second for her to go from calm, rational Beckett to jittery, light-headed Kate. She hated it. All she had done was admit the truth of her feelings to Lanie. Lanie! She hadn't even gotten to actually confessing it to Castle.

"Hey Boss!" Ryan called from his place at his partner's desk, across the room- the sound drawing her from her musings.

"What up Ryan?" she asked, straightening in her chair, now more alert.

He motioned to the phone currently cradled in his hand, "We've got a case. A girl found in a dumpster behind a pair of abandoned warehouses."

"Okay, thanks." She stood, slid her jacket from off the back of her chair and unto her slim shoulders then noticed for the first time that Esposito wasn't present. "Where's Espo?"

"He and Lanie were having lunch when the body dropped so they went straight to the crime scene."

He followed her into the lift. She could see he was itching to ask her something but being Ryan he made a bigger deal out of it than it should be. She'd help him, this once. "Do you need a ride?"

"Yeah, thanks Beckett."

A group of uniforms rushed by them as they entered the alley between the two rundown buildings, Beckett could see Dr. Parish bent over the corpse while Esposito and Karpowski chatted with a group of fluorescently outfitted teenagers- skaters by the look of it- she'd assumed to be the persons who found the body.

"So what do you have for me?" Beckett asked, coming up to stand next to the M.E.

Lanie glanced up from the body, "Judging by her bloodshot eyes, I'd say cause of death was asphyxiation, however they are no wounds or bruises on the arms-"

"-meaning she didn't fight back in which case she might have been bound." She examined their Jane Doe. She was a woman in her late twenties/early thirties of Spanish ethnicity, her usually caramel coloured skin now pale and cold, her midnight waves splayed over the grimy, aged concrete. The way she was lying on her back, her eyes staring up to the heavens oddly reminded Beckett of when her parents and she would go camping and every night, before they slept, Johanna and a younger Kate would lie on the roof of the car, their gazes trained in wonder at the dark blue sky flecked with an infinite band of extra terrestrial lights. Coming back to the present, she very much doubted the deceased had an interest in the stars.

"-And even so there would have been evidence of such on the hands and feet," Lanie supplied, pulling off one of her purple, latex gloves and allowing the detective to help her up.

"Do we have a time?"

"Body temp suggests she was killed between 12 and 1am. That's all I can give you until we get the body back to the lab."

Beckett nodded, "Okay, thanks."

"So?" Lanie quirked an eyebrow, "What's the news with Writer Boy?"

She rolled her eyes and gave her a disapproving look, "You know I do work for a living. I don't have time to be chasing after Castle."

"You know you're going to have to come up with a better excuse than that. You're really milking the whole I'm-a-detective-so-I-don't-have-time-to-get-a-life-of-my-own thing."

"Can we get back to the case please?"

"Yo, Boss!" one of her team members yelled.

She turned her attention to Detective Javier Esposito who had finished questioning the teens and was making his way towards them. "Yeah, Espo?"

He came to a stop at the petite, African American's woman side, looping his hand over her shoulder and grinning at her before putting his game face back on. "Well none of them saw anything. The guy with the yellow Mohawk- you see him?"

Beckett glanced around him and spotted said guy, "Yeah."

"Sunshine over there found the body at about 11:47 this morning and he called his boys to check it out then the guy with the spiky hair- you see him?"

She folded her arms across her chest and called his name in her get-to-the-point-already-tone, "Espo."

"Sorry," he apologized and rushed to finish his sentence. "_Poke_-ahontas was smart enough to call the police."

"Is that it?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks now if you're done with your girlfriend we have a case to solve," she said in that strict, no bullshit tone, too bad it was undermined by the grin on her face. She turned away from the two, in search of the other member of her team. She found him chatting with one of the officers outside, in front of one of the patrol cars. "Ryan!"

His head snapped in her direction and on seeing her, he gave the uniform a tap on the shoulder and uttered something then hurried toward her. "Right, Boss. There's a street camera adjacent to the buildings, we should have the surveillance feed by this afternoon but other than that no one admitted to having seen anyone in the area which isn't surprising considering..." he motioned to the dilapidated lot around them. The closest residential area was two blocks away in between was mounds upon mounds of bush and other rundown structures.

It was unclear why anyone would be out here in the first place. The buildings looked like they knew every season. Rust coated almost every inch of the metal structure; old crates and shipping barrels littered the grounds, the occasional clump of grass peeking through the cracks in the dinghy concrete. Any windows had lost their glasses, the broken pieces barely decipherable amongst the rubble.

"Did you find an I.D?"

"Uniforms searched the dumpsters in the area but came up short, no wallet, no handbag, nothing that would belong to the victim."

She glanced around the crime scene, everyone seemed to be pretty much done or just about and until they found a name for their Jane Doe her hands were tied. "Okay, since there is nothing else to do here I'm going to head back to the precinct. Are you okay to ride back with Esposito?"

"Yeah, you go Boss but I wouldn't expect us back anytime soon," he grinned, gesturing to the M.E and his partner in crime making googly eyes at each other.

Beckett gave him a pat on the back and a, "Good luck with that," then headed for her crown vic.

It wasn't long before she was riding the elevator to the homicide floor. Dangling in mid air, somewhere between the lobby and her destination, she felt a vibration in her jacket pocket. Frowning, she reached behind to grab her cell. Who could be calling- she nearly dropped the phone when she saw Castle's smiling face illuminating the screen.

Beckett held the object at arm's length between her thumb and pointer finger, scrutinizing it as if, at any moment it'd grow fangs and a tail and try to bite her. Geez, she was being such a girl. _Kate, stop it, okay? Just stop it and answer the damn phone._ She took a breath, "Beckett."

_"Kate, hi,"_ came the all too familiar voice_._

She could hear him shuffling about on the other end. "Hey Castle, what's up?"

_"Just calling to see what you're up to. It's kinda been a while since we talked."_

She bit down on her lip, hoping he couldn't hear the smile in her voice, "Castle, we spoke just yesterday." Even so she'd missed him.

_"Yeah but I missed you." _

She opened her mouth but no words came. Damn him. Why did he have to sound all sincere and why the hell did he have to say that just when her heart had returned to its normal rate. What was she even supposed to say to that?

_"Kate?"_

Right, she had forgotten to reply. "Yeah?" she asked, the pitch of her voice a little higher than it should be. Crap! _Please tell me he didn't notice, please tell me he didn't-_

_"Are you okay? You sound like you've got a frog in your throat."_ It was more than obvious that he was smirking.

Of course he heard. She cleared her throat, "No, I'm fine." The ping of the elevator greeted her ears. _Thank God._ She was starting to wonder if she was ever going to get off that thing. On Castle's end she heard Alexis yell to her father followed by silence as if he was muzzling the receiver. "Is everything okay?"

There was a lag in his response. _"What? Sorry. Ye-yes, someone's at the door that's all."_

"Oh, okay." No sooner had she strolled off of the lift at the 12th than she spotted the captain waiting for her at her desk.

_"So what are you up to?" _

"New case, you?"

_"The usu-"_

_"-Hey there, ki-" _a female voice sounded from Castle's end. It certainly didn't belong to Martha or Alexis or his agent and unless Castle had developed a sudden taste for imitating women, it most definitely wasn't him.

Beckett's eyes widened involuntarily. Unless she was losing what little sanity she had left she could have sworn that she heard a woman in Castle's loft and by the sound of it there might have been less than a foot between them. Involuntarily, her mind began to reproduce all sorts of scenarios involving Castle and this mystery woman, sadly, not one of them involved him kicking her out of his place after making it abundantly clear that he only had eyes for his detective. "Castle? Castle, what's going on?" She heard no answer so she tried again, "Castle?"

_"Uh...Beckett, I'll call you back."_ Just like that he was gone and she was left gaping at her phone.

It was only when the Montgomery called her name that she realized she had been just standing there, gaping at the wretched phone for God knows how long. "Detective Beckett, did you hear me?"

She blinked at him, puzzled as to for how long he had been standing in front of her. "Sorry, sir?"

"I said there's someone waiting for you in the conference."

"For me, sir?" she asked, shoving her cell back into her jacket pocket.

"Yes. 72 year old Alberta Castillo. She might able to id your vic." He turned and retreated to his office, not waiting for her to respond.

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

Beckett sat at the edge of her desk, examining the details they had compiled on their case on the murder board. Through the grieving old woman, who turned out to be the grandmother of the vic, they found out that the deceased was 28 year old Helena Montenegro, an employee of Daquin & Rouge Design. According to Mrs. Castillo, Helena's job was her life which is why she had never known her to have a boyfriend and she had recently been promoted to Project Manager. Then there was the surveillance footage they had which received showed the perp, most likely male, roughly 6ft and clad in all black and his face hidden under the ski mask- pulling into the abandoned lot at 2:19am, unloading the body from the trunk of a black, unmarked SUV and fleeing the scene after dumping the body 4 minutes later. It was all they had so far but hopefully after Ryan and Esposito came back from their visit to D&R, they'd have a little more to go on.

She reached for her espresso and lifted the small ceramic tea cup to her lips. Saturated air met her lips rather than the rich, creamy liquid that fuelled her daily existence. She sighed, peeping into the cup. It was empty. Just then the phone on her desk rang.

"Beckett."

"It's Lanie, I need you down here."

Placing the phone back on its hook, Beckett made her way to the morgue where the M.E waited with news of the autopsy conducted on the late Ms. Montenegro. When she entered the room Lanie was waiting patiently in her pink scrubs. She didn't hesitate before beginning the update.

"So I found Egyptian cotton fibres her nose, more commonly in the making of pillow cases."

"So she was smothered."

Lanie nodded. "Yes but then I noticed this," she brushed away the vic's midnight curls to reveal a needle mark on the side of her neck, "so I ran a test for toxicity and the results showed that there were two chemicals in her system when she died, C12H18Oand CHN."

"CHN is Hydrogen Cyanide but C12-"

"-Propofol. It's a commonly used in general anaesthesia." She moved her hand away, allowing Helena's hair to fall back in place.

"She was under anaesthesia, that explains why she didn't fight back but why poison her then smother her? She would have been dead either way."

"I don't know. You're the detective, you tell me," she quipped in that sassy tone that was so characteristic of Lanie.

Beckett folded her arms across her chest, her gaze narrowing, "Is that all, Dr. Parish?"

It was too bad Lanie was always more amused than fearful of Beckett's looks. Years of being subject to them had made her immune. "To do with your case? Ye-"

"-Then thank you and I'll be going." She almost made it out the door.

"Not so fast."

The sound of her best friend's voice halted her steps. Slowly she turned around, making sure the scowl on her face was gone before she was in full view of Lanie. "Yeah?"

She manoeuvred around the cadaver, her hands akimbo. "So, are you heading over to Castle's place now?"

"Lanie, it's 5:30," Beckett complained, folding her arms across her chest.

"Normal people are home by 5:30," she countered.

"Well I'm not normal." It was true.

"I could have told you that. So seven?"

"I have work to do." That was also true. She couldn't afford to slack off just because he had feelings for the writer. When this case ended she'd have all the time to pursue him and confess her undying love.

"Then when do you think you'll be done _working_?" The next time she used that excuse she'd consider using her autopsy tools on her. Maybe if she dissected her brain she could find out what really goes on in the head of Katherine Beckett.

"I'll be done when I'm done."

"Seven then?"

Relenting, she unfolded her hands and allowed them to fall noisily to her sides, sighing in the wake of defeat. "Seven," she agreed, turning on her heels and making for the exit.

"Call me and tell me how it goes."

"Yeah, whatever," Beckett mumbled, pushing aside the metal doors as she made her way out.

"And if I don't hear from you by 10 I'll come looking for you if I have to!" she yelled after her.

"Tell Esposito he can come out from hiding!" Beckett grinned, stepping into the elevator, Lanie's gasp following her.

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

She could do this. _Yes, I can do this_, the thought played in her head on a loop. _It'd be just like having a normal conversation with him._ Except they normally avoided all topics related to their sentiments for each other. Maybe avoided was too strong a word- tip toed around perhaps.

Staring at the door, a thought came to her, this was what? the third time this week alone she found herself in this same position, trying to surmount the nerve to knock. It was like some sort of reoccurring dream where she reached the end of the race and was about to toe the finish line only to step into a freaking booby-trap and be catapulted right back to the beginning.

Her thoughts were invaded by the distinct sound of a woman's voice on the other side of the door. She could have burned a whole through the metal partition with her gaze, trying to decipher to whom the voice belonged. She trained her ears against the door jamb, they were met by the deep rumble of a man's voice, no doubt Castle's. Then there was that female voice again, overly spirited as if rehearsed- an actress no doubt- honeyed and bearing a stark semblance to nails on a chalk board, guaranteed to become annoying sooner or later.

Meredith.

Great. She was finally ready to tell Castle how she felt and his ex-wife slash mother of his first born had to show up. She couldn't exactly do so knowing the woman was in the other room- everything about that spelt wrong. Someone, somewhere had to be gunning for her, it would explain why nothing seemed to be going her way. Maybe her past indiscretions were finally catching up with her. All those years of dating questionable guys- none of whom she actually liked- just because she knew it irked her parents and now when there was actually a guy worthy of every ounce of love he'd unknowingly inspired in her and who she'd be honoured to introduce to them for the reason that he would be the first to gain their approval, karma was ready to settle her debt.

Damn.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>Chapter 9<p>

Castle eyed his iPhone which remained in the seat of one the chocolate brown arm chairs on the other side of the room. It had just been sitting there, taunting him to pick it up and call her but as of five minutes ago all that taunting had turned into mockery. All he wanted was to hear her voice, her laugh...he would have been thankful just to hear her steady breathing on the other end but no, his lovely daughter had thought it best for him not to pester the lovely detective so she banned him. _'Dad, Detective Beckett has a job and she doesn't need you calling her every two seconds and I know it's hard for you to believe but just because you don't hear her for a couple of hours doesn't mean something happened to her,'_ is what his daughter told him. _'She's fine so stop worrying.'_

Hours had passed since she begrudged him with that statement and now he was all about tired of waiting. He all but dashed towards it, banging his knee on the desk and almost slipping up and falling on his butt. It was nothing short of a miracle that he made it to the couch in one piece.

She picked up one the third ring, _"Beckett."_

He almost laughed at his fortune when her voice blessed his ears, "Kate, hi." Kate, hi? Honestly could he be any lamer?

_"Hey Castle, what's up?"_

That was a good question? The answer to which he couldn't necessarily give her at least not without freaking her out. "Just calling to see what you're up to. It's kind of been a while since we talked," he lied, planting himself on his office couch.

_"Castle, we spoke just yesterday." _

"Yeah but I missed you." _'I thought we agreed not to scare her!'_ his brain berated him. _'You better hope she doesn't run.'_ He waited for a response but none came, only her frantic breathing on the other end. _'Way-to-go genius.' _"Kate?" he called frenetically, crossing his fingers and hoping that he didn't scare her off.

_"Yeah?"_ Oh, thank God! She still here though her tone was a bit unsteady.

He heard the hitch in her breath, his admonition having obviously affected her, just not the way he had anticipated. He bet she was blushing. "Are you okay? You sound like you've got a frog in your throat," he smiled, loving the effect he was having on her. If only he could actually see it for himself.

_"No, I'm fine."_ Really? Because she didn't sound fine.

"Dad!" Alexis yelled from upstairs.

He pressed the speaker of the phone onto his abdomen with one hand, the material of his pearl grey shirt barring all sound from travelling from his end to Beckett's- and bit down on the other. Alexis had this weird habit of knowing that he was doing something he shouldn't, a talent that had often caused him a lot of grief. He prayed this wasn't one of those times. Pulling his hand from his lips he called back to her, "Yes!"

"Answer the door!"

Oh. "Okay!" he did a fist pump and stood, heading for the foyer. He brought the phone back to his ear.

"Is everything okay?" her panicked voice came immediately.

He was too focused on avoiding hurting himself again to answer right away. "What? Sorry. Ye-yes, someone's at the door that's all."

_"Oh, okay." _

"So what are you up to?" he asked reaching for the door knob of the front door and turning it.

_"New case, you?" _

He tugged the door open. "The usu-" his words died on his tongue as he found himself staring back at the first of two devilish women to plague his dreams even months after his separation from the deep fried twinkie. Though he might not have felt the same way at the time he thanked God for whoever came up with the concept of divorce.

"-Hey there, kitten," the smiling redhead greeted in that chirpy voice which was so characteristic of her.

Dear God. "Uh...Beckett, I'll call you back." Almost mechanically he pressed the end call button and then delivered the phone into his back pocket all the while his eyes glued to the women smiling at him. He stood in silence for a moment, too stunned to speak or think or pinch himself just in case this was another one of those nightmares. "Meredith, what are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighbourhood."

"You say that like you live down the block and not in L.A which is where you do live if I recall correctly. Besides, the only time you're ever 'in the neighbourhood' is when you're fresh out of roles."

"Is that so?" She stepped into doorway and placed a kiss on his lips, a greeting that had become somewhat typical of them or maybe it was just her. Rick never seemed to object though.

Trust her to be more entertained than embarrassed.

He noticed the sea of merlot coloured, Diane Von Furstenberg luggage surrounding her, "What-what's all of this?"

"Really, Richard? Aren't you going to invite me in?"

He was tempted to say no but deep fried twinkie or not she was still Alexis' mother and he couldn't exactly turn her away...no matter how much he wanted to. "Is that a trick question?" he quipped. Then again he didn't have to go willingly either.

Grabbing the smallest of the suitcases she pushed her way past him, "Do I need a reason to come visit my family?"

He glanced between her and the remaining luggage then followed her. Obviously she expected him to grab them but since when did he live up to anyone's expectations. "Uh, let me think about that. Yes."

She ignored his statement. Typical. "Would you get those," she said over her shoulder after noticing he'd left them in the hallway. "I'm surprised I even had to ask. I would have thought Martha raised you better."

"Well she didn't and what are all of these?" By the time he reached her she was already raiding his wine stock. It was a good thing he had his private collection where all his best stuff was hidden, usually only from his mother- better safe than sorry.

She cradled an eleven year old bottle of Ceretto Bricco Rocche, examining the object, "Suitcases. Geez, Richard has all this time stalking your detective addled your brain."

She was one to talk about an addled brain. "I know what they are but why are they here, at my place?" He crossed his hands firmly across his chest and stared her right back in the face.

"Well, if I'm going to stay here I'll need my stuff. Try to catch up, Rick," she said in that same, annoyingly spirited tone although she was practically insulting his intelligence.

He was too alarmed by the fact that she thought it was okay to just pop up at his house and reside in his home to regard her patronizing. "You can't stay here, Meredith," and there were so many reasons why. One of them just happened to be the probable negative influence her overambitious and vapid persona could have over his son, another was the chaos her presence would evoke in his rekindled and somewhat undefined relationship with one Katherine Beckett then there was Alexis who loved her mother dearly even though she was less of a mother and more like a younger, rebellious not to mention emotionally and mentally inconsistent sibling- but preferred to love her from a distance, think separate states. "Sorry but even Hotel Castle requires reservations, preferably six months in advance...or a year."

She returned the bottle to wine rack and turned to him, "And why ever not? You still have a guest room don't?"

He couldn't have been happier he chose to adopt Nate. The perks seemed to be insurmountable. "Actually no." He was about to delve into further explanation but caught his tongue just in time. If she knew his son she might have felt more inclined to stay.

"Didn't Martha move out?"

Meredith never gave up, did she? "She moved back in." On a normal day, it was a detail he wasn't particularly fond of but today he counted it as yet another blessing.

"But she isn't right now, is she?"

How the hell did she know that? Alexis! "Yes but-"

"Then it's settled," she smiled toothily, winked at him and headed up for the staircase, probably in search of the girl who brought him this misery.

He stared after her, bug eyed as if he'd just seen a ghost. _What have I gotten myself into?_

It wasn't long before Alexis was asking the question in between complaining to her father about her mother. "Dad ," she whined, dragging out the last consonant of the word.

He patted her on the back, consoling her. God knows he felt her pain. "I know sweetheart."

Alexis peeked through the open door of her father's study at the woman sitting in the living room nursing a glass of the wine she'd been eyeing earlier. "Dad, how could you let this happen?"

"There's not much I could have done, Alexis. You know your mother," he said apologetically, glancing over the girls head and observing the woman the same amount of concentration.

She heaved a sigh, brushing a fallen strawberry blonde tress behind her ear. They watched in silence for a minute or two before Alexis asked, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't think getting her role is going to work this time."

But then- what did that mean? "Why not?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, this time seems different."

Alexis drew her attention away from Meredith to address her father, "Different as in she's going to drop a bomb like she's getting married and then leave or as in she's going to be here forever?" Contemplating the latter she had to count herself lucky that she was leaving for college in the fall.

"Forever?" he gulped. "She could be marrying some guy she's only known for five weeks. Who knows? He could be a struggling actor in search of that one role that could make or break their career and bring forth character of such magnificence, novelty and sheer awesomeness that could rewrite the rules acting and could procure them that which they all strive for," he paused theatrically, swept in his flurry of words, "he carved of-"

"-Dad!" Alexis intervened his pointless ranting.

"What? Would you rather she barge into your classes and whisk you away to some-"

"-Fingers crossed then?"

He nodded in agreement, "Fingers crossed then?"

A comfortable silence settled between them. Suddenly, Alexis voiced something that had been bothering her every since her mother, God bless her soul- made her trek to this side of the US, "What's going to happen when Grams gets back?" She knew it was like month until then but the thought of the two fiery prima donnas battling over the quarters was enough to send her thoughts into a tail spin.

He didn't want to ruminate on it either. "Your mother should be gone by then." His optimism sounded forced even to his ears. She was never going to leave, was she?

Alexis suddenly backed away from the frame, in the process accidentally elbowing Castle in the stomach. He groaned as the skinny limb came into contact with his well toned abdomen, not because it hurt that much but more so because he was Castle, drama and over exaggeration came with the title. He made and oof noise. Of course he wouldn't be Castle if he didn't follow up with a comment but as luck or would have it, it all depended on how one saw it. Alexis' hand flew to his mouth, muzzling him while simultaneously shushing him. "Did you hear that?"

He mumbled something incomprehensible behind the gag that was her palm.

She didn't have to be a genius to know what he question was. "It sounds like...crying?" Her hand fell away from his mouth, choosing instead to occupy a place in her hips.

"Crying?"

She shushed him again, "Listen." It was a long shot and all being that her father was a man of way too many words and with contempt for silence- but a second wouldn't kill him. Sure as she said, the sound of wails began to fill the loft, wails that could only belong to certain one year old with the stamina of the energizer bunny.

Castle winced, eyeing Alexis worriedly, "You think she heard that?"

"There's only so much we could wish for," and for her mother to have momentary deafness wasn't one of them.

A guy could only hope, especially when his ex-wife and mother of his first child was about to stumble upon his second child who had been unofficially knighted the son of a certain muse. Wait, Beckett. He had forgotten about her. What the heck was she going to say about all of this, all of this meaning the woman in his living room? Right now he couldn't afford to think about that. "Okay, new plan. You distract your mother while I deal with your brother." He began to manoeuvre around her.

No, no, no. Plan B. Plan B! "Why me? Why can't you stall her?"

"Because I'm the one who had to be married to her." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead, "Good luck."

She grabbed his forearms in panic as he was about to slip out of the study, "Wait, how exactly am I supposed to do that?"

Perhaps he should have felt a bit remorseful about sending his only daughter into the lion's den but his amusement at her horror whenever forced to confront her mother triumphed all pity. "You're the scholar. You'll think of something." He patted her on the cheese and fled like a rat from a burning ship.

"Dad!" she hissed after him, secretly hoping that her mom would seize him before he could make it up the stairs. She wasn't that fortunate. He was so going to pay for this but in the mean while she had to suck it up and take one for the team, a task easier said than done. She stepped out and into the living room, armed with a smile and something resembling confidence. "Mom."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

"Oh Richard, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Meredith questioned his nurturing skills for the umpteenth time in the last two hours.

He bit his tongue, barring the insult on his lips from being voiced- there had been a lot of that in the past five hours- and lifted another spoonful of the gooey yellow mix Nate seemed to enjoy, until now, to his lips. "Who do you think raised Alexis when her mother deciding that chasing a yet to be fulfilled dream of becoming an actual actress and a guy half her age trumped her motherly duties." Well that wasn't at all mean.

"He doesn't like it," she said, watching as the boy ducked away from the mush called food. It looked disgusting, kind of like puke that was swallowed and then spat back up. How could he eat that? Come to think of it, how could any good parent feed that to their children?

"He would if he would stop making faces every time I go to feed him," Castle retorted, no longer able or willing as it was to hide his annoyance. He set the plastic utensil down and looked to his daughter who sat comfortably on the couch, flicking aimlessly through the channels. Sensing his change in focus, Alexis turned her interest away from the television long enough to grace him with a smug grin. She was enjoying seeing her mom drive him crazy, wasn't she? It was almost certainly her payback for earlier that day. He couldn't be angry with her though. Instead he felt a spark of pride. She learned from the best...and no, he didn't mean his mother. Or Beckett.

"Momma's home, kiddies!" the voice of one better known as the mother of Richard Castle echoed in the foyer.

All head's spun to the front door where Martha made her usual spectacular entrance which came to a screeching halt when her eyes took note of the other woman's presence. Castle laughed dryly. This was getting better by the minute. "Mother, what-I thought you were coming back in four weeks."

Abandoning her two Louis Vuitton suitcases- kind compliments of Castle's credit card- near the entrance, she strutted over with the usual Martha-esque flare and poise, "Me too but-" she glanced at Meredith who appeared to be hanging onto her every word, "that's a story for another time. Right now I'm more interested in seeing a certain someone who my thoughtless son had not the decency to inform me of." She dropped off her emerald green tote on the arm chair in the living room on her way to the dining room table where Castle and Meredith were seated, hugging her granddaughter on the way.

"As I recall, I did when I called to check up on you- you know just in case you happened to fall off the ship but you were probably in such high spirits that I could have told you I was dying and you would have laughed it off and forgotten in the next two seconds." He stood to hug her, soon after giving up the futile task of trying to feed Nate. The added presence only served to further guarantee his failure by exciting the tot. He lifted him from the high chair, dabbed a wet wipe around the corners of his mouth and then threw the stained object in the half empty, light blue baby bowl after which he returned his attention to his mother who waited impatiently to introduce herself to her new grandchild.

"Hello darling," she smiled, gathering up one of the tiny hands in her own and shaking it lightly as she delivered the greeting. Suddenly shy- a rare occurrence for the boy- he mumbled a hushed hi, hiding his chubby face in his dad's tight fitting, crimson red polo shirt. "Oh there's no need to be shy dear, I'm your grandmother," she coerced, needing the back of his hand with the pad of her thumb.

Alexis appeared behind her father not willing to miss out on the introduction. It was a rare sight to see Martha cast in a maternal light given that Castle's relationship with his mother resembled hers with him in a way- a greater 80% of the time he was the parent and Martha the child. It was a phenomenon unique to her family.

She reached out to lend her assistance, given that her brother in all probability wasn't going to open up unless given a little push and who better to encourage him than his big sister? Big sister, those were her two new favourite words. "This is Grams," she communicated to him, gesturing to Martha as she did so. Baby C glanced between the two, his eyes shining with inquisition. "Grams," she reiterated, waiting expectantly for him to do or say something.

He lifted one of his tiny, plump fingers and pointed to the newer of the two visitors, coming out of hiding as he did so, "Grams."

"He said my name!" Martha chirped, clapping her hands in merriment as Nate giggled at her antics, his already pink cheeks flushing and his petite body trembling with uninhibited laughter. It was as much adorable as it was amusing. She extended her hands inviting him to enter them. Gladly, he accepted and fell into her outstretched arms, wiggling wildly and erupting into a new fit of laughter the second she began tickling him.

Castle basked in Martha's hilarity. How could he not? She had only known Nate for all about a minute and a half and already she was bubbling with pride. It was an almost perfect moment. The only thing he would change about it would be to add Beckett, for her he'd gladly give up the crazy redhead. He'd do so right now if he could.

The loft was quiet, finally. He had tucked Nate in and ushered Alexis off to bed, wishing her a good night but not before Castle, with the much needed help of Alexis and the insistence of Martha- had miraculously been able to _persuade_ Meredith to stay at a hotel. Martha's unanticipated and much appreciated premature homecoming left all the rooms of Hotel Castle occupied. It took a lot of effort and Meredith almost came out on top when she suggested that Castle use the bed in the former bedroom, now that of the tot- which he had not thought to remove- while she occupied his room. Well there was one major flaw in that plan, on the off chance Beckett found out that his ex-wife was not only back but she was staying in his room, she would automatically assume the worst, that there was hot, wild sex involved and that could do nothing for his relationship. Speaking of the sassy brunette, he wondered what she was doing right now.

His eyes flew to the door of the study from where the voice, interrupting his thoughts came. It was Martha. If he recalled correctly he also tucked her in a while ago.

She noticed the question in his eyes but chose not to grace it with an answer. "Why do you think she's back?" She stepped through the arch and approached his desk.

"I honestly haven't a clue." He arched his back further into the chair and extended his hands above him, stretching his half-awake muscles.

She laid her left arm across her abdomen, supporting the elbow of her right with her left palm and gestured the other when she wasn't rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "It could be last time all over again or maybe she realized that you were behind it and now she has come to further exploit your resources."

It always amused Castle the way his mother always spoke of his ex-wife like they were criminals, chiefly the first one. "I don't think she found out," he replied after giving the insinuation some good thought. He took in her rigid posture and the worry creasing her already wrinkled forehead. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Thanks to your brilliant timing- by the way, thank you for that," Martha bowed, holding a hand over her heart like she'd just won a lifetime achievements award, "-she won't be here to torture us at every waking hour of the day and before you know it she'll be back in California where she belongs." That was the dream.

It wasn't a secret that she never fancied the woman but her worry stretched beyond her distaste for Meredith's presence which as funny as it seemed always had a notable impact on Richard's maturity level and his ability to think and conceptualize things lucidly. When she last left New York she seemed to have taken at least five of his years with her. It was bad enough that before she did so he could have barely been classed as it twenty three year old but at least that was better than the six year old on a sugar rushed he had been described as by Beckett when they first met. Martha didn't want him to make any mistakes on account of her. He had a son to look after now.

"Just don't lose sight of what's important, Richard," she pleaded with him, rounding the desk to stand at his side, "your family and your money. If you aren't careful she'll run off with both." She leaned to his level, placed a kiss on the crown of his head and began to make her exit. _Shoot, I almost forgot._ There was something she had to ask him about. She was halfway out the door when it occurred to her, "Oh and Richard, did something happen between you and Beckett?"

He frowned at her. Why would she ask that? Did Alexis tell her something? Did something happen to Kate? "Why do you ask?"

"It's just that on my way up I saw her heading out-"

Kate was here? Then why hadn't he heard her knock? He couldn't have been so busy not to. "-Did she say anything?"

"She seemed to be having on heck of an internal debate not to have seen or heard me." Was she missing something? Of course she was. Her son had managed to attain another child in the time she was gone so who knows how many other things had transpired. Now, he seemed to be as deep in thought as his fair detective. "What's the matter son?"

He pulled his attention away from some invisible spot on the cherry wood surface of the desk, "She never came up." He sighed and stood, coming to stand in front of her. "Are you sure it was here?" Perchance she was mistaken.

"I think I know Katherine Beckett when I see her. I might be ripe in age and some things might not be functioning as well as they should but I'm certainly all here."

"That is debatable," he said under his breath, grinning up at her until she reached out and slapped him on the arm. He rubbed his arm. Why did all the women in his life like to abuse him? "You're sure she came here to see me?" He ran his hands roughly through his already messed, deep brown waves. He really needed a haircut. "I mean, I didn't hear her knock."

"Maybe she didn't," Martha suggested after second.

"What? Why-why wouldn't she knock?"

That was for him to find out. She'd had a lifetime of her own problems to solve; she couldn't solve his as well. "Good night, dear."

"Mom!" Castle called after her, watching her disappear in the darkness. Why is it that when he was granting her permission to meddle in his affairs she opted out?

He closed the door and shrunk back into the solitude of his office. Theories around the track that was his mind. Why wouldn't Kate? Was she in trouble? Maybe she was being black mailed and she came to seek out his assistance but then she thought against it because her blackmailers would be likely to expose her secret even though they cleared outlined that the only persons she couldn't inform of the situation were cops and he definitely wasn't one. Conceivably, due to his experience at her side they counted him as an equal member of the force. _Seriously, Castle?_ He heard her voice scolding him in his head. It sounded so real that he had to look around just in case it had actually been her. He couldn't curb his disappointment when the smiling lady with caramel coloured curls didn't meet his eyes. Of course it wasn't her, she was probably in her apartment sleeping or staring at the murder board in the precinct. He needed a more logical reason for why she would come to his buildings and then just leave without saying hi.

Did he do something wrong? Martha said she saw her exit the elevator then leave which possibly meant she had already made it to his floor, the door even- before she had a change of heart but why would she-

His eyes could have popped out of his cranium and hit the floor with a mind-numbing thump. She heard. That's the only reason he could think of as to why she left like that and it was also accounted for why she was so consumed by her thoughts. She heard Meredith's voice and thought... What exactly did she think- that he had gotten back together with her? Wait, no. No, no, no, no, no! Why- why would she- when he- no! Meredith had only been there for half a day and already she was causing him problems with Beckett, ones he now had to fix.

He all but sprinted into his room for his cell, stumping his toe on the door frame separating his room and the study and tripping over the carpet on his way there. His fingers stilled over the call button and just like that his courage and the need to know evaporated. What was he doing? He couldn't just call Beckett at this time and demand to know why she showed up outside his loft and then left without a hi, a how are you or how was your day, Castle. She could have at least popped in to greet Nate given that up until yesterday she had visited him every day since the two were introduced. You damn skippy he wanted some answers but he couldn't call her even though there might be a lingering chance that she was still awake.

It sucked. Of that he was well aware.

Exiting the call screen, he returned the object to the table a little noisier than he should have. He'd have to confront her about it later today. He would have said bright an early but in the Castle family that meant somewhere around eleven a.m. At least he wouldn't have to worry about his ex-wife wanting to tag along since she'd be at her hotel. Then again, when did that ever stop her? She would come barging in at the crack at dawn if she felt so inclined.

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

She had been right about one thing, if she hadn't told Castle how she felt, the guilt of not fulfilling the task she had given to herself and that which her best friend had challenged her to complete- would have terrorized her the whole night, cursing her with restless sleep. At times she didn't mind going home to an empty apartment. After a long, gruelling and emotionally taxing day at the precinct, the peace the quietness the space provided was exactly what she needed, that, a warm bath, great wine and a good book, preferably one of Castle's. Those were the good days, last night however, the solitude of her apartment only served to give leeway for her thoughts to run away, amplifying her feeling of insanity and nagging at her like some annoying child demanding every ounce of her attention. That was another thing she was right about, her own mind wouldn't even grant her a moment of concord. Trying to convince herself that it wasn't really her fault didn't help either. In fact it only added to the noise in her head.

Although the 'looking like crap' thing hadn't come to pass, at the moment, sitting at her desk with her head buried in her hands and trying to recall every detail scribbled in her own script on the infamous murder board while simultaneously wracking her uncooperative brain for any worthwhile theories- she felt like crap. That wasn't the half of it. She had a headache the size of Texas but then again that's what happens when you restrict yourself to a diet of coffee and skittles instead of eating 'real food' as Castle accurately put it. Without him around to begrudge her terrible consumption habits and annoy her into eating something he deemed 'proper'- real food was an alien concept. She wouldn't admit it but she liked how he showed interest in her health even going as far as to threaten to force feed her once. She never had guy care that much about her before. When she wasn't complaining, it was a great feeling.

Coming back to the present, the bright side was Lanie had been too occupied this morning with another case to inquire as to the events of last night. The scolding to come at the hands of the M.E was another reason why she laid in her bed, staring at the bleak grey of the apartment ceiling for hours on end. Being the subject of Lanie's outrage and disappointment wasn't exactly what you'd consider a day at the theme park. It made her feel like a child, a sentiment she deeply loathed. Hopefully, she would achieve avoiding her for the rest of the day or at least until she could fix the problem. Hopefully.

At sloth pace, Beckett lifted her head. He almost did a double take when she found Ryan and Esposito, who she had assumed to have just returned from the vic's condo which she shared with her best friend- wearing two shit eating grins and standing at the foot of her desk. She frowned at them. Why the hell were they so chippy? "What?" she all but growled when they refused to say a word.

It wasn't a secret that he and his partner enjoyed annoying the detective every now and then even though her fuse was shorter then her wits. It was just so easy sometimes. For now he'd have to post pone the torment. They had a case to solve but above that or below that- he didn't know, how about in addition- more important things were about to transpire. Esposito sobered his expression, a task which proved a little difficult at first- and filled her in on their latest progress, "So we talked to the bellman on shift that night and he didn't remember seeing anyone that fits the description entering the building. As a matter of a fact he didn't report seeing anyone unfamiliar but he did recall the vic's best friend enter around 12:43 am."

Beckett perked up at the news. Finally they were getting somewhere. "That fits perfectly into our timeline," she stood and walked over to the board, filling in the new info.

"The thing is, Helena didn't re-enter the building after leaving for work that morning," Ryan jumped in, gesturing in that way so typical of him as he and the man at his side followed her.

Her hand froze in the middle of writing the woman's name. "What? But the vic was in her apartment when she murdered." They had found a pillow matching the one used to smother Ms. Montenegro, the Egyptian cotton pillow case was evidence of that- but it's duplicate and the assumed instrument in the murderous act remained elusive.

"We know, that's why tec is reviewing all the security tapes in the building," Esposito elaborated, folding his arms across his chest.

She dabbled the rest of their new suspect's name and turned back to the boys. "Okay, I want Ms. Dawson in. I'll interrogate her myself." Ryan saluted and fled to complete his duties. "Espo, pay a visit to Mr. Desmarais," he was the vic's boss and held some high position within the company. "I want to know everything he knows about Ms. Dawson and her work relationship with our vic."

Esposito nodded but didn't move right away. He grinned at her, not the normal I'm-doing-this-just-to-get-under-my-boss'-skin grin but the childish I-know-something-you-don't-know which worked just as well or better even.

She was itching to slap him upside the head but settled for a glare instead. "What, Espo?"

"Have fun, detective." He departed, leaving her to her annoyance. He should count himself lucky for all those years in the force, they helped him dodge the board eraser she sailed at his head.

When he was out of sight the corners of her lips curled up into a smile. She wouldn't tell him or Ryan that she was always more amused by his attempts to annoy and frustrate her than she annoyed and frustrated. As usual their timing was impeccable and their natural born silliness enabled her to forget all of the issues in her life...at least for a minute...or five.

She had been in the process of sitting in her chair when the elevator dinged lightly on arrival. That had been the okay part, the not so settling fraction was the light patter of footsteps that succeeded it. It wasn't so much the owner of the steps but those of the one who was never far behind.

The beaming one year old charged in her direction, his tiny arms flailing in the onset of his glee and his brilliant blue eyes locked onto his acquired target. Beckett swooped him up just as he was about to crash into her legs and encircle them in his grip, a habit he picked up somewhere along the way- and cradled him lovingly in her arms as hugged her in the tightest hold a child of his age could manage. He smiled, his cheeks dimpling adorably and he gazed up at her in something reminiscent of awe. Only two people ever looked at her like that, Nate and Castle.

"Hi, baby. How are you?" She couldn't remember exactly when she'd begun using the moniker much less if she ever addressed him by his actual name. Come to think of it no one at the precinct did. Ryan and Esposito called him Baby C while Lanie usually used sweetie or cutie pie or whatever name she could invent.

"Hi!" he chirped, bouncing in her arms. In all his excitement he forgot that she asked him a question.

The cheery mood he brought with him was contagious. His carefree innocence often managed to make her forget all the problems of reality. Right now that happened to be her screwed up relationships. He had only been in the Castle family for a little over two weeks and already he was so much like the man who had adopted him. They both had a knack for breaking down her defences, except Castle practically rammed right through while Nate giggled at the gate of the six feet thick wall and all the sentries were so hypnotized by his cuteness they just let him in. Unfortunately for her, she had to face reality sooner or later no matter how determined she was not to allow her eyes the journey away from Nate and in search of Castle.

"Kate, dear, it's been too long."

Well that did the trick. Beckett's eyes darted upward not that she needed to do so to know determine the owner of the voice. Sure as rain she found her. "Martha?" She couldn't hide her surprise. The last time they had seen each other was a week before Castle quit. She didn't realize how nervous she would have been on their reunion.

"In the flesh," Martha pronounced animatedly, hugging the detective. She had always been fond of Detective Katherine Beckett, the woman who unknowingly captured her son's heart. She was strong, intelligent, she believed in hard work and earning her keep instead of using others as a leg up to further her careers like some people she knew but above all she cared for Castle even though she was yet to realize it herself. Kate was the daughter she never had. "How are you?"

_Inwardly freaking out but it's nothing that can't be fixed. _"Great, how are you?" Beckett replied, noticing for the first time Alexis who had been trailing behind.

"Wonderful, dear- every since I got to meet my new grandchild." She did look great. She was smiling from ear to ear, her eyes dancing with mirth and all though it was hard to imagine, she was actually more dramatic than usual.

Alexis greeted her in like manner, "Hi Kate."

That was another Castle who undid her with her blue eyes. They were like her kryptonite. "Hello Alexis."

The eighteen year old also glowed with an anomalous vibrancy. She looked like she was having a hard time standing still. "Are you taking the rest of the day off?"

Beckett looked at her questioningly, "What? Why?" and why were they are smiling? It was unnerving.

"To spend it with us," she said matter-of-a-factly, bouncing on the balls of her feet. It was no doubt who she got the habit from.

What was going on? She didn't remember making any arrangements with Castle. "Uhh..."

Martha noticed her confusion and if she had to guess Richard probably hadn't told her that he was coming just as he neglected to inform Alexis of the real reason for his visit. "Alexis, your father and Kate need to talk."

"Oh."

For the first time since they arrived, Beckett glanced Castle's way. What she hadn't anticipated was for his eyes to be already on her, staring at her with such intensity. His brows were knitted in concentration and his eyes narrowed as if studying her. He was so enveloped in the task that he neglected to notice her focus on him. It was only when the force of his gaze prompted her to take a step back that he snapped out of his daze.

She noticed it all and figured he probably hadn't heard a word. Momentarily, she shifted her attention to his mother. "Martha, can you?" she motioned towards the child in her hands, whose hands once more found purchase in her curls.

Martha willingly obliged and relieved her of Nate who was unwilling to part with his detective at first. Beckett threw Castle a look and then strutted off to the break room, not waiting or looking behind to assure he followed. He had barely entered the room when he sensed her irritation. Her arms were folded across her chest, the bulging vein in the middle of her forehead and the under her right eye were evidence of the tension surmounting within her 5 ft 4 frame. It was no wonder he didn't get a word in.

"Castle, you can't just pop up whenever you feel like. This is precinct not the zoo." She scolded him, bracing her arms on her hips and tapping her foot impatiently.

Whoa! What was that for? "Kate, did I do something wrong? I mean one day we're fine and the next you're angry with me."

"I'm not angry," _and don't call me Kate when I'm trying to reprimand you_, she was tempted to add.

"Tell that to the vein in your forehead," he quipped, grinning cheekily as he reached out and poked at said body part.

She didn't get where the humour was in all of this. He was so aggravating sometimes. She slapped his hand away, "What do you want, Castle?"

There were so many answers to that question and not all of them were PG 13. "Yesterday you came by the loft..." He left an opening in case she wanted to make it easy for him and just tell him what he wanted to know.

Her eyes widened in something reminiscent of shock. How-how did he know that? He couldn't have seen her because he was still inside his loft when she left so he couldn't have... Forget that, what she going to tell him?

She didn't answer. Nothing was ever easy with her, was it? "I know you were on my floor and you were probably at the door but you didn't knock because if so I would have heard. So the question is detective," he took a step towards her, invading her space, "why didn't you knock?"

She had to count herself lucky that he showed up here instead of her apartment. If it had happened the other way around she probably wouldn't have been wearing shoes and having such a height difference right now wouldn't be the best of things. It was always intimidating. It was a good she had a thing for heels above 4 inches. "I don't know, I just thought that you might be busy," she lied, putting on her best innocent expression.

Perhaps it was his sudden motivation to uncover the truth that made him immune and enabled him to see the meaning behind her words. Busy was code for your ex-wife was there so why would you need me. He could already tell that no matter how much he pressured her she wasn't going to admit that she left because she knew that Meredith had been there. Wow, they really sucked at communicating. "It's not what you think."

"What?" she muttered, faking ignorance which, again, didn't work too well.

He was too advanced in his studies of the subject of Katherine Beckett to be tricked by her coy demeanour. "With Meredith," he clarified although he knew she was already aware to whom he was referring, "We aren't back together."

Really, it would only be stupid to pretend that she still had no idea what he was going on about. If she didn't woman up and face this problem head on there was no way she would be able to tell him how she felt. It was best to get it over with. She refolded her arms across her chest and assumed a defiant pose, "Really? You two seemed to be having a good time."

What in the world could she have heard to give her that impression because as far as he recalled he had been on the verge of losing it. "Au contraire. Your lucky you're not questioning me in the interrogation room right now on the grounds of attempted murder," he joked, watching as her features softened and the tension drain from her body. "By the way your eavesdropping skills could do with some improvement."

She blushed involuntarily, "I wasn't eavesdropping." That was something he would do but she was a grown woman and a detective, eavesdropping was below her. Spying or bugging rooms, not so much and both were totally different. Now back to the issue at hand, "Why is she back anyway?"

That was the million dollar question. "Come to think of it, I don't even know."

"She didn't give you a reason?" she questioned, finding it very peculiar that the woman would simply appear out of nowhere without reason. What game was she playing?

"Nope."

"Okay."

He looked at her quizzically, finding it hard to believe that convincing her would be so easy. This was Beckett, with here everything was like rocket science. "Wait so you believe me?"

"Yes. Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"No, no! There's no reason," he said hurriedly, smiling nervously. "Great so now you don't have to be jealous."

"I'm not jealous," she huffed, trying to glare at him.

"And there's no need to lie either," he teased. She was so easy sometimes and absolutely adorable when she was flustered. That and he loved to annoy her.

It made no sense trying to deny his acquisition because her cherry red cheeks and the way she avoided his gaze said it all. Even her ear looked like they had taken a dunk in red paint. Then again she wasn't ready to admit the truth either, he was already too excited by this whole debacle. Trust Castle to find her embarrassment funny.

Oh yeah, there was one more thing he had to enquire about before she ran off. "So was there something you wanted to talk me about or..."

Her face contorted into a look of bewilderment and she took a step away from him, "What do you mean? Did Lanie tell you something?" When she got her hands on that M.E she was going to be sorry.

"No, should she have?" What would Lanie want to talk to him about? The only thing they chatted about recently was Beckett.

Wow, she was really losing her touch. One time she would have been able to lie to him without breaking a sweat and he'd believe her and now she didn't even have to say anything because he already knew the answer. When did she become such an open book? "No-no," she stuttered, caught off guard by the question. It was hard to believe she had been prepared to tell him the truth less than 24 hours ago.

He eyed her curiously, his expression a replica of that he wore earlier in the bullpen. She was lying. The way her eyes jumped from him to any and every other thing her wandering gaze could land on, how she fidgeted constantly and his favourite tell, the lip biting. It was cute yet held a sensual edge to it, moreover, it was her greatest tell, an unconscious act of her psyche. Speaking of lying, her ability to conceal anything from him had become a little sloppy recently, not that he minded at all but it prompted a flurry of questions in his already over active mind. "Okay," he mumbled, scepticism clear in his voice. "But there _was_ something you wanted to ask me about." It was more of a question than a statement.

Should she? It wouldn't hurt. "Umm...actually there was something I wanted to...talk to you about."

He waved for her to carry on, "Hit me. What is it?"

Suddenly feeling self conscious, she took in their present location. Sure, she finally wanted to get it all out in the open but just not here. The walls literally had ears. She needed a more controlled environment where she could feel secure, safe enough to begin lifting the weight off her shoulders, a place where interruptions would be almost impossible and his reaction to her words couldn't attract the attention of other parties. She sighed. What was a couple of hours, right?

"About that..." she stalled, searching for the right words, "can I-can we talk later? Right now isn't the best of times."

"Sure. When would you like to talk?"

Her stomach was already churning nervously at the thought of what she was planning to do. "My place?" There was hint of uncertainty in her voice as if she was waiting for him to approve. He didn't pick up on it. "Is seven thirty okay or do you have to..." _do stuff_, she finished lamely in her head.

"Seven thirty is fine."

"Okay," Beckett said meekly, shifting from one foot to the other. An awkward silence fell between them. Beckett wrung her hands, thoughtlessly glancing between the floor and Castle. What now?

_Say something!_ But what would he-_oh I know_! "Everything is okay though-I mean, you're fine and all?" It was the first assumption his writer's brain had concocted- the usual damsel in distress (Kate Beckett) in need of a knight in shining armour (Richard Castle).

At first she was puzzled then she understood the reason for his concern. "Oh, no! It's nothing like that. I'm fine." He had a knack for blowing things out of proportion. It was one of the hazards of being a writer. It had been a while since she came to that conclusion. "And no one is black mailing me," she added snarkily, giving him Beckett look #5 as Castle liked to call it- haughtiness with a side of sensuality and a hint of secrecy. "So get it out of your mind."

It was so cool when she did that! Like a Jedi. "Wha-how-how did you do that?" The grin and one-shouldered shrug she gave in response was much expected. It was one of her , to do something cool and then refuse to elaborate on it. "Aw, come on Kate."

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him, "Is this visit over, Castle because I have work to do?" Not waiting for a response she headed for the breakroom door. Before she made it two feet his hand slipped into hers, pulling her back. The action would have come of more of a shock if she hadn't been transfixed by how perfectly their hands fit together. The palm of his larger hand was soft yet the buds of his fingers were rough, calloused by hours of writing bestselling novels. Regardless of its feel, it fit securely around her smaller one, like a hug or almost as good.

Castle displayed a morsel of hesitation, unsure if he had over stepped his bounds and should release her or proceed. She didn't appear to mind so he kept his hold. "We're okay, right?" If he tried to hide the vulnerability in his voice, it didn't work. It was nothing short of a plea.

Any doubts she might have had before then, now, as she stared into his dark blue eyes they all made for the exit. One thing she was certain of, she wanted to be with Richard Castle. She squeezed his hand reassuring, "We're perfect." The meaning of her words weren't lost in her.

Castle didn't miss a beat. He considered her, quizzically, her words resounding in his ears. We're _perfect. We're perfect._ It more than an assurance that their friendship was intact and like many others Meredith was nothing but a bump in the road but it held promise or that's the assumption he came under. It was a promise which spoke of their future. Again, he could be reading too much into the situation but as she smiled a smile that extended to her eyes and tugged him towards the bullpen, he was more than sure he wasn't mistaken.

She dropped his hand just as they entered the bullpen.

Martha spotted them as they emerged from the other room, "So are we all good?" It would have been a pity if they trekked all the way there and the two weren't capable of hashing out their differences and overcoming their most recent plight.

Before either had the chance to respond, the Captain appeared out of his office, "What do we have here!" He smiled warmly, giving a polite nod to each member of the group, in the process mistaking Beckett for a Castle. It was an honest slip-up. Seeing her smiling, pure happiness reflected in her features and fully consumed in whatever conversation that had been going on when he interrupted- a blind man would think her to be a part of the family. On that note, he had to wonder when the two was stop dancing circles around each other and finally get together.

"Roy, it's great to see you again!"

"Ms. Rodgers, it's been a while."

"That it has. The last time we spoke was when you made my son cry at poker," she recalled the moment which occurred some months ago in an amused tone, throwing Castle, who turned a lovely shade of pink- a look on emphasis of the word cry.

"There was something in my eye," Castle defended, reflexively rubbing his eyes to rid them of the imaginary tears.

Montgomery mused over the memory. "Even under more _pleasant _circumstances, it's still a pleasure but -not to be rude or anything- this is still a precinct and dangerous people flow in and out on a daily basis so I can't have civilians, no matter how charming they may be- making a day of wondering around." He missed the see-what-I-told-you-look Beckett threw Castle.

"Don't be silly, Roy. We totally understand," Martha made the best dismissive wave she could make with one of her semi-occupied hands. He was only concerned about their safety. Besides, they were taking up his best detective's time when she had a murder to solve. "You _are_ stopping by for poker night on Friday, right?"

Another chance to take Castle and his detectives' money? Hell yeah! He wasn't going to miss that for the world, unless the world translated to a disapproving wife. "As long as your son brings his cheque book," he quirked an eyebrow in Castle's direction, throwing him a side glance.

Castle winced at the recollection of how he managed to lose a _hefty_ sum of money in a game hosted in his own house, which for the most part was Beckett's fault. If she hadn't been doing that **_thing_** with her lips and ever so often accidentally brushing one of her mile long legs against his and don't even get him started on those faux innocent looks she kept throwing him, prompting all manner of raunchy images in his mind. She shouldn't be allowed to do stuff like that. Luckily, his seven figure pay day healed all the wounds her teasing had brought about.

"You've got yourself a game," accepted the challenge, shaking the Captain's hand, "and if I'm lucky, mother will be out _fishing_." Beckett tried to hide her smile behind her hand. Montgomery, on the other hand, was clueless. His baffled expression said that much.

It took a second for Martha to pick up on the double entendre and when she did, Beckett's hand suddenly wasn't enough to contain her amusement. "Richard!" Martha exclaimed. She had a flash back to one of the many embarrassing Rick Castle episodes she had to suffer through. This one in particular occurred when he was 6.

_Martha came home from a long, gruelling day of shooting to find young Richard standing over his temporary babysitter who also happened to be their 84 year old next door neighbour-holding a half empty container which looked uncannily similar to the costly, wrinkle reducing face cream she'd purchased the day before- in his hand while the other half of the contents were smeared over the napping, elderly woman's face. __"Richard Alexander Castle!" she barked at him, practically on the verge of having a coronary. "What on earth are you doing and is that my new product?"_

_Shocked by her impromptu appearance he jumped back, trying to hide the object behind his back and ended up falling on his butt in the process. Recovering, he quickly staggered to his feet, the sweet I-love-you-mommy-and-it's-not-what-you-think look that all little ones strive to perfect in place, "Mrs. Adams is really old and lonely and since you use this to look younger I thought that maybe if I put enough on it might actually work and then maybe she could have as many guy friends as you do."_

Back then it was cute. At the moment he was lucky she was in no position to slap him.

Roy, bid them adieu and made a swift escape. It was a good thing too because he might have spent the rest of the day absorbed in their drama. He had to swear, it was like watching a soap opera sometimes, only funnier and with no Jack killed Jill over Bill moments which was a plus.

Castle turned his attention to Beckett, thinking it wise to leave her to her work before his mother could make quick work of embarrassing him or worse. "Anyway, we should probably get go-"

"-Rick!" Then again, the worse things always had a way of finding him.

"Shit," he swore under his breath, turning just in time to see Meredith waltz into the bull pen, donning a white pea coat despite it was the middle of summer, 4 inch wedges and the air of a disapproving wife. He had just managed to clear the air with Beckett and like a ghost from the past with a looming grudge against him, she manifested. Based on the events of the past day he should have seen it coming.

The clack of her heels echoed over hustle and bustle of the precinct's officers as she strutted purposefully his way, her steel grey eyes set on him. Beckett's demeanour changed drastically the second she entered the room, something Castle had noticed and sadly could do nothing to change at the moment. For now, he should probably settle on throwing her an apologetic smile and getting Meredith away for the 12th as quickly as possible.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Alexis asked, bearing a fake smile, either uneager or merely shell shocked to see Meredith in all her motherly glory.

"I've been calling like crazy but every time I got voice mail," she explained, straightened the gold handbag she wore on her shoulder and proceeded to dig through its contents in search of who knows what.

Alexis silently thanked God she had gotten a new phone soon after her mother's last visit, the reason for which she requested a new number as well. That was a tiny detail she need not know for now. "I had my cell turned off." It wasn't a lie. She did so in case by some inexplicable act Meredith managed to attain her new digits. Better safe than have her mother calling her every hour, demanding to know every detail of her personal life and simultaneously scarring her with stories of her own. "Did you try dad's?" She glanced at her father, choosing to deflect the attention to him, "Dad where is your phone?"

Castle patted his pockets. Expectedly, they were void of the electronical device. His cell was exactly where he 'forgot' it, at home, and there was a reason for that, one which she happened to defeating the purpose of by being there. He sighed, hoping to sell the lie he was about to deliver, "Sorry, sweetie. I-"

Meredith cut him off, at the same time dragging out the item she had been tossing the contents of her bag for. "-Your father forgot his phone," she extended said object in her left hand towards it's not so thrilled owner.

Alexis threw her father a side glance. He never forgot his phone. It was as much a part of her person as his limbs were. He'd be more likely to forget to put on underwear. Thinking of her father and underwear was just-eww! Why was she mulling over this when there were bigger problems afoot? "How did you know where to find us?"

"Better yet, how did you get in the loft?" There was also a reason why she was staying in a hotel. Too bad she didn't think to actually _stay_ there. What was the point of him paying for it if she wasn't willing to make full use of it, i.e. only leave when she had to go back to California or to buy something to eat with her own money?

"The doorman-what's his name? Hank, Dave...Jerry-"

"-Tony," he supplied, the look on his face reflecting his disinterest in anything other than how the hell she got into his locked home, provided that he hadn't given her a key because she didn't live there. She had always been bad with names, especially when they didn't come with an Oscar or an Emmy attached.

"He asked me if I wanted to go up and wait until you returned."

He hummed thoughtfully. He was going to have a little chat with Tony about letting his exes into his apartment when he wasn't there. He didn't divorce them only to come home and find them waiting for him. That defeated the whole idea of legal separation. "Okay, well we were just leaving so..." He made a let's go motion in the direction of the exit. Alas, she had her own agenda.

For the first time since she entered, she noticed Detective Beckett standing at Rick's side. "Detective!" she exclaimed in a tone Beckett realized she reserved just for her. "It's nice to see you again."

Beckett smiled as politely as she could considering and gave a curt nod, "Meredith." It took all her strength not to place all her venom into pronouncing that one word. She was having a hard enough time not glaring a whole clean through her skull. "So what brings you to New York?" Really? Why the hell did she decide to return and ruin Beckett's plans?

Castle wasn't liking it one bit. Kate looked like she was itching to gravely injure the woman or at least to beat the crap out of something. He just hoped that something wasn't him. Time to evacuate. "Come on, Meredith."

"I wanted a chance at being a part of a family again. I realized I made a mistake by giving up the one I had and now that I'm back, for good, I plan to make it right," she shrugged casually.

Beckett's jaw didn't hit the floor but her eyes almost did as she stood, staring in something reminiscent of outrage at the woman who spewed out the details like it wasn't a big deal. "Really, Castle didn't-he didn't tell me that," she muttered through clenched teeth, her nails digging into her fisted palms.

Castle, on the other hand, broke into a coughing fit and Alexis had to reach over and pat him on the back as he regained his wits. She hadn't told him that. She had specifically neglected to tell him vital chunk of information. He glanced at Beckett, an explanation on his tongue. He didn't have time to utter a sorry much less to swear ignorance because in two twos she lying about how much of a pleasure it was to see Meredith again and skittering off to who knows where while Castle stared slack-jawed after her until she wandered out of view. _What did I do to deserve this cruel and unusual punishment?_ He stared up to the heavens. _Is this payback for the swimming nude in that public fountain on the Independence Day because I thought I apologized for that?_

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><p><strong>I tried to put more into this chapter but I hope you didn't find it too long. Either way, enjoy and review please!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>Chapter 10<p>

A couple of months ago, if anyone had suggested that he'd be placed in a situation where he had to choose between Meredith and Kate, he would have asked them what drug they were on and where he could get some of his own but after the incident that afternoon, nothing was beyond the realm of possibility. He didn't know if that was such a good thing. It wasn't that Meredith's much unanticipated return and subsequent confession had made him doubt his feelings for Kate, that was far from it. He knew with unshakeable certainty that she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life but as true as that was he couldn't help but question their future together, again. As far as he knew she _still_ wasn't his for the taking never mind the doctor's absence said otherwise. It was beyond him how anyone lucky enough to be with Kate Beckett could voluntarily leave her side when he, himself, couldn't spend an hour away from her without bombarding her phone.

Something had changed though, something in her, in the way she looked at him and spoke to him. Somewhere along the way there had been a shift in the dynamic of their relationship, a redefinition of sorts. There were more lingering looks, amorous smiles, fortuitous touches, too many pregnant pauses where even in the silence their eyes screamed the unspoken sentiments. For the first time in the three years they'd known each other, he was certain she reciprocated his feelings. It was a tremendous feet considering it wasn't an easy task reading her.

She played her cards close to the vest, guarding her heart from pain and heart break and writers who would inevitably steal it but after much initial rebellion she'd accidentally begun to allow him peek at the image of the real Kate Beckett, enough for him to then use his knowledge against her, unconsciously enamouring her. Even so she hid her feelings, using other men when the opportunity presented itself, to avoid accepting that she loved him more she ever thought she could love another.

He was tired of the running, fed up with waiting, sick of other guys showing up and sweeping her away and if he wasn't mistaken, she too seemed to be tiring of it. Maybe tonight was the night that they could say how they really felt. Or tonight could be the end. He was really hoping for the former.

Castle finished drying his messy brown waves that mirrored his son's with the fluffy cucumber green towel. He really didn't know how women dealt with long hair. His wasn't even that long and his arm was already killing him. It made him think of all the times he had to deal with Alexis' long, luscious tresses, a task which became easier over the years. By the time she was seven he had perfected the French braid and mastered many others. He smiled at the memories of sitting on the couch with a young Alexis sitting with her feet crossed on his lap and barely able to contain her excitement because soon enough she would have a new hairstyle to show off to her friends at school. Sadly, times changed and now his bouncing redhead was headed off to college.

Directing his thoughts to something less likely to send him into a depression, he wiggled into the dark blue denim jeans, buttoning it and zipping the fly. He was threading the black, leather belt meticulously throw the loops of his jeans when his mother burst in his room, a world of questions on her lips.

"I'm not even going to bother asking why you saw the door closed and didn't once think to knock on it before barging in," Castle said just before he disappeared into the master bathroom with the damp towel, reappearing a second later without it.

"Good, so we can move onto why in the world you're leading that poor woman on."

"Okay, honestly, I have not the slightest inclination as to what you're referring." He grabbed the pair of socks on his bed and proceeded to slip each one on, stopping only momentarily to adjust the Submariner Rolex on his wrist.

"Well, Meredith of course. If you're not going to back together with her at least let her know." She wasn't a big fan of her son's first ex-wife- much less the second- but she couldn't help but pity the woman. It was never easy wanting something you couldn't have especially when it was once yours but you took it for granted and let it slip out of your grasp.

"I'll break the news to her. I just haven't gotten the time to as yet."

Yeah, because he had been _so_ busy. "Richard, you had most of the afternoon and the whole evening. I'm beginning to think you've been purposely avoiding it."

Him? Avoiding- yeah that sounds a lot like him. It just didn't apply to the current situation.

"You need to do something and where on earth are you off to?" she pulled out a glass of wine out of nowhere and took a long, hearty sip.

"Kate's apartment."

Oh, Martha said in an electric mix of excitement and curiosity. "What's the occasion? Are you two going out?"

He should probably say something before she got carried away with the idea. "No, it's nothing like that. She just wants to talk."

That was majorly disappointing though slightly anticipated. She should have known better than to get her hopes up with those two. "What about?"

"She didn't say."

"Oh well, then have fun," she said, clearly out of questions to pepper him with, "and don't do anything I wouldn't do." She began to leave.

"Is there anything you wouldn't do?" he jibed, grinning at her cheekily as he grabbed his shirt off of the bed and put it on, all the while careful not to cause any unneeded wrinkles in the newly ironed material.

Martha gave him a wave over her shoulder and a 'ha, ha, very funny' as she made her way out. She would have loved to stay and engage in their usual repartee but he had somewhere to be and she had a bottle of wine to finish before Meredith could get her grubby hands on it. She obviously hadn't been taught not to mess with another woman's wine. It didn't matter now because if it was in her stomach she couldn't have it.

"So what are you going to do?"

Castle looked over his shoulder, simultaneously fastening the tiny deep purple buttons of his plum-coloured dress shirt. Alexis entered the adjoining door between the study and his bedroom and sat in the tan coloured couch across from where he was standing, fixing the orange throw pillow on her lap while settling in. "I'm going over to Beckett's."

"What about mom?"

"What about your mother?" he retorted, an uninterested tone in his voice. Castle returned his attention to his reflection in the full-length mirror and adjusted his collar. When his question was met by silence he stopped what he was doing and turned around to face her. "Wait, you're not hoping for your mother and I to get back together, are you?"

"No, it's just-are you sure about Kate?"

The question caught him by surprise and he whipped around to face her. Why was everyone questioning his personal life recently and what was with all the interrogations? "Alexis, where is all of this coming from? I thought you liked Kate."

She wished things were as simple as whether or not she favoured the detective. "I do but this is about you, dad. I just want you to be happy and if that means being with Kate then go right ahead but I can't pick up the pieces of your broken heart from Princeton. The same thing goes for mom. I won't be able to save you from her when she begins driving you crazy or to comfort you when you remember why you divorced her in the first place."

"Sweetie, you don't have to worry about your mother and me because that's a thing of the past. I've moved on since then...and what makes you so sure that Kate is going to break my heart?"

She was one of many who had witnessed her father heartbroken time and time again because of Kate or his own stupidity- it interchanged quiet often it was hard to tell who was to blame. Everyone was as much tired of being witness to it as he was of living it.

She didn't mean it that way. If there was anyone she trusted with her dad's heart it was Beckett. "I wasn't saying that-" she breathed out noisily. "She's still with that doctor isn't she? What if she never breaks up with him or worse they get married? What if she never decides to give you guys a shot and you end up moping for months over her, nursing a bottle of scotch and refusing to take a shower like you did after you and Gina split?"

He grabbed her shoulders in an effort to end her ranting, "Honey, relax, okay? I don't know but I have a good feeling about this. Kate's the one. I've never been more certain of anything in my life...well other than my decisions to have you and your brother."

Alexis didn't appear appeased. "Dad, you don't get it. This isn't just about you anymore."

Castle frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You also have to think about what's best for Nate." They couldn't afford to have the poor child caught up in all of this but he still needed a mother figure in his life. "I agree with you on the Kate front because I totally can't see mom doing a good job of raising him, I was lucky you got full custody- but if you two get together could she handle that responsibility?"

"Okay, first of all this isn't a hunt for the best candidate to be the mother of my child. I mean, you didn't have a real mother figure growing up and you turned out fine." How exactly that had happened was yet to be determined. It could have been a fluke for all they knew. "And secondly, it would be wrong for me to pressure Kate into something like that." He paused and then added. "She _would_ be really good at it though. Just look at how she is with him."

She _was _great with Nate. It was like she'd just jumped into the role and if the look she had whenever she held him was any indication, she loved it. Alexis was unsure if she could say either about her mother. She preferred the fun to the hard work. "So you could see her as his mother?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation or an ounce of uncertainty. Momentarily, he allowed himself to indulge in the thought of them raising his son, their son, together and then of having children with her. Somehow it managed to turn into them engaging in the baby making activity. The goofy smile on his face and the "I could see myself having many, many children with Katherine Beckett", he unconsciously voiced, gave his thoughts away.

Alexis' nose crinkled in disgust as her mind inevitably filled itself with scenes of the two-ugh! She didn't even want to think about it. "Dad, eww! Could you try not being so transparent?"

Oops. He did tend to get carried away sometimes. "Sorry," he apologized, shaking the images out of his head.

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little," her mouth twisted in an amusing way as if she had just taken a bite out of a lemon.

Castle smiled meekly then glanced at his watch. Crap, it was 6:57. He had to go or risk being any later and one thing the women in his life didn't appear to tolerate was tardiness. God help him. "I gotta go," he kissed her on the head. "Be back soon. If your brother wakes, get your grandmother to help you. Call me if you need anything and I mean anything."

By the time she had a chance to speak he was halfway out the front door. "Oh and Dad!" she called out to him.

"Yeah?" he mumbled, craning his neck to look back at her through the open door.

"You still have to talk to mom, let her know that you've moved on."

He wasn't looking forward to that but it had to be done. Too bad he had to be the one to do it. It was better to simply get it out of the way. "Right- uh, remind me call her in the morning and ask her come over." That was if she didn't beat him to it.

"Okay. Night Dad. Try not to annoy Kate too much."

"Bye, Alexis," he said waved then watched her skip up away.

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

He knocked for the third time. This time he heard a grumble on the other side of the door and something along the lines of _'I swear to God I'll kill whoever is banging on my door at this hour'_. Beckett answered the door not so invitingly, wearing of a pair of light blue denim shorts, an aqua blue off shoulder tee and a scowl. "Castle, what the hell!" She should have minded it was him. He was the only one brave enough to disrupt her relaxation with maniacal banging on her door. She thought he sometimes forgot she owned a gun and was more than willing to use him for target practice.

He took a minute to take in her appearance. He had never seen her like this before, looking all cute and slightly provocative. Her bare shoulder seemed particularly appealing and her visible red bra or camisole strap- he was hoping it was the former. The pair of cherry red lips printed on the centre of the shirt was especially influential. He suddenly had the urge to place kisses all along her neck...and her jaw, her chest and- he gulped. He should probably think about something else.

He could swear her lips were moving and was she throwing him a look? Yup, that was a look.

"Castle!" she snapped, waving in front of his face, trying to pull him out of the staring match he was having with her body. "I asked you a question."

"What? Yeah." he uttered stupidly, finally giving her his full attention.

Was he being serious? Who the heck bangs on a woman's door and then provides no explanation as to why they were there? "Why are you here?"

He pushed past her, not waiting for the '_Come on in Rick. I'm so glad you're here'_ or the '_What took you so long? I was beginning to worry something had happened'-_ he had naively expected. "You said to come over and that you had something to tell me."

For a few seconds Beckett stared blankly at the spot where he had not long ago been before recovering. _Well, come on in. There's milk and cookies,_ she thought, shaking her head at how daring the writer had become- and closed the door before following him. He was standing in the middle of her living room, sporting a casual pose and waiting expectantly- for what? she didn't know. "Castle," she spoke his name as if communicating with a child. "Why. Are you. In. My apartment?"

He shrugged, "I just told you." How could she forget that? It happened not more than seven hours ago.

"Yeah well that was before your ex-wife, _Meredith_, let the whole of the 12th precinct's homicide department know that she want to be mother of your baby." She still found it hard to believe that he wasn't aware of the woman's plans.

Okay, he was lost. What did Meredith's hopeless aspirations have to do with anything? And what was is with everyone and finding a mother for his child. "I don't see the connection."

Maybe she was dreaming. She really couldn't believe he could be so insensitive. "Castle, go home."

"What? Why?" He assumed whatever she wanted to tell him was important, i.e. a confession of her undying love for him. It could happen. Nothing was out of the realm of possibility. And really, if that was what the conversation was supposed to be about then why couldn't she just tell him and get it over with? And again, what did Meredith have to do with anything? He chose her, Kate Beckett. To think she would have known that by now.

Gosh, he was so dense sometimes! "Were you not just listening to me?" So apparently they weren't on the same wave length when it came to the actual topic of the planned and now cancelled conversation. If they were, he would still be at the loft with his family and ex-wife where he should be. "We are not having this discussion so go home."

"Okay, we don't have to discuss anything, just answer me this-"

"Castle-"

"-What did you want to tell me?"

"Castle," she gave him her best glare. It didn't work as well as it usually did. He was too determined to pry every ounce of information of out her.

"If I guess correctly will you tell me?"

The way he lit up like a child at the idea made it hard to say no. She could never tell him the effect it had on her, he'd surely use it to his benefit. She had made up her mind though so no amount of child-like glee and pouting could sway her. "I don't know. Maybe."

He folded his arms across his chest and attempted to give her his most stern look, "A yes or a no would do please."

"How about a bullet between the eyes?" she quipped, quirking one of her well-shaped eyebrows at him.

He took a step back, hands raised in submission, "I'm good."

If she had known all it took for him to give up was to threaten to shoot him she could have saved herself all of this grief. She began to head for her bedroom, shaking to him over her shoulder, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Halfway there she heard it.

"Beckett!" he whined like the man-child he was.

She wasn't going to fall for it. _Beckett!_ No she wasn't. _Beckett!_ She wasn't. _Beckett! _ Damn it, she wasn't! She spun around to face him, a grimace on her face. God, she hated him. "Castle, just-please go home." It sounded desperate and whiny even to her ears. She was beginning to sound like him. He closed the gap separating them. Without her heels the height difference between them was more apparent than she liked it. It was intimidating. This was exactly why she had been against having him over. She couldn't afford to give him the advantage, not even for a moment.

He looked down at her with those shining blue eyes and that annoyingly sincere smile of his. Boy was she was in trouble now. "If you changed your mind about talking that's fine...but at least-at least listen to what I have to say."

_'No. Beckett, say no. Tell him to leave!'_ her brain yelled at her "Okay," she mumbled without possible thought of the consequences. _'Why do I even bother?_' Well it wasn't as if he was going to get it right. When it came to cases they were spot on with what the other was thinking but the moment sentiments were introduced, everything went haywire. The skill for speaking volumes with simple glances proved insufficient and the incompetence often made its way into every other aspect of their warped relationship.

If Beckett said 'I think I've found my one and done' while giving him a look, burning with love and admiration and silently saying _'You're my one and done, Castle. It's you. Always has been'_, he'd assume she was referring to Dr. Motorcycle Boy. If she gave him one of those smouldering looks and her signature 'You have no idea', he would no doubt pick up on the sexual connotation and miss the affection and the pure, unadultered longing they held. It wasn't simply a lust for his hot sweaty body doing naughty things to her and the urge to moan his name in the midst of their passion but to lie in his arms, tracing circles on his bare chest, to press her ear to his heart and listen to it beat, to be awakened at first light by his kisses and wonder how he managed to sneak out of bed and brush his teeth because his breath smelled of cinnamon. She wanted the cuddling and the pancakes and to come home to him and the kids after a gruelling day at the precinct. Kids? Okay, just hold on a second there. Maybe she was going a little overboard.

Okay, just...hold a sec. Did she- he didn't expect her to say yes. She wasn't supposed to say yes. Instead she was supposed to scream a no at him and make it clear that if he didn't leave she would gladly break one or both of his legs, after which he'd ignore the threat and continue on as planned. Later, he would scream the truth at her as she graced him with a flurry of insults and threats so scary he would almost mess his pants. Unplanned declarations of love were only the best kind.

She just had to throw him off didn't she? Now what to do? He hadn't exactly thought past the plea for her attention. Maybe he should just go with the flow. He was good at that. "I uh-it's not what you think...between me and Meredith," not the optimum beginning but it was a start. "What she and I want are two totally different things. She wants to forget the train wreck that was our last relationship and try again."

"Hmm..." Kate nodded, her eyes wondering around the room before connecting with the blazing blue of his eyes. The words left her lips before she could stop herself. "And what do _you _want?"

He stared directly back at her, the fear in her eyes of his answer as clear as the striking brown- green painting her irises. For a second he considered not telling her, lying if need be but despite her uncertainty, she was still there. He'd half expected her to up and run. She usually did. Her continued presence spoke volumes. She was ready, even if it was simply to hear the truth.

"I've wanted the same thing since March, 9th 2009." It was the date that forever changed his life and in one of the best ways possible. It was the day that they met. Or more like the day she arrested him.

He remembered. She couldn't believe that he did. She almost didn't remember herself but that didn't matter for now because _he_ did. Her grin was inevitable, an act beyond her own control. Around him it came as easily as breathing. "Really?" she threw him a look, inviting him to play along in her little game. It made the atmosphere a lot less heavy, the air more breathable. At least for a while. "And what exactly happened on this day?"

He, on the other hand, managed to subdue his smirk, "l I met a woman- a real looker that one."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. She was absolutely beautiful and even now more than ever. Intelligent, Independent and a tad bit cheeky." His final word was met by the angelic sound of her laughter. "She was strong, driven and guarded but sexy as hell." He paused then added. "Oh and _really_ bossy."

Her scowl was priceless, "I am _not_ bossy." Only after she said it did she realize that she was openly admitting her knowledge of how he felt for her.

"Are too." He took a step towards her, the grin on his face evidence of his ever constant amusement.

She matched his stride, folding her arms across her chest in defiance, "Am not." She wouldn't tell him that she was enjoying this just as much as he was and the annoyance was just for show. There were some things he didn't need to know.

"Really, now?"

She rolled her eyes, "Just get to the point."

"Very well." Taking advantage of their close proximity, he took her hands in his own, shocking himself at his own audacity- and gently traced circles on the back of her hands. "My point is, Kate, I fell in love...somewhere between 'You have no idea' and braving the hellish flames to pull you from the rubble of what was once your home."

Trust him to embellish things. He did save her life though and on more than one occasion...much to her displeasure.

Freeing one of his hands, her lifted it tentatively to her cheek and gently traced its soft curves, watching in wonder as she leaned into his palm, sighing in content at his touch. "I can't be with Meredith because it's always been you, Kate. _Always_."

Time refused to move and all she could hear was the echo of his confession in her ears like a broken record, stuck on the best part of a song she loved and the background music was the loud thud of her heartbeat, conducting its own, wild symphony against the cavity of her constricting chest. Any thoughts she had of surrendering him fled, whisking the last morsel of doubt she had away with it. How could she not be as sure as the stars shined about them- if there was even a 'them' yet- when the '_I love you'_ playing on his lips but refusing to roll of his tongue, shone in his unwavering navy blues?

Suddenly there was a flicker of something in his eyes. Uncertainty? Or was it worry? But why would he be either? Then it came to her. Maybe it was because she hadn't said a word. She probably should before he assumed the worst.

She wanted to tell him just as he did her. To tell him how foolish she'd been in the past, trying to convince herself that what she was feelings was nothing but the result of constant suppositions on Lanie's part of an imaginary romance between her and the writer, inevitably embedding the idea deep within her mind- and how blind she was to how he felt for her when to everyone else it was as clear as day. Then, of course she wanted to tell him that all those other guys meant nothing, not Will or Demming and as much as she liked Josh, he couldn't match up to Castle. That it hurt her to see him with another women- even the thought of it- as much as it hurt him to see her with another guy. She wanted to say all that and more but based on their history it was quite obvious that she wasn't as eloquent with words, especially when feelings came into play- as he was. She at least had to try. It helped knowing in advance that she was probably going to utter a bunch of gibberish but someone he would be able to turn it into an artfully crafted declaration.

"Is that smile a 'Yes, Castle. I feel the same way' or an 'I'll pretend to be happy when really I'm trying to find a way to let you down easy'?"

Was she was smiling? She hadn't realized. Then again, she had already established that it was a reflex around him so what did she expect? Still, she could only imagine how goofy she must have looked, staring at him at grinning like some kind of a nut job. Moreover, she still hadn't uttered a word. She could have sworn otherwise if it weren't for his question. What was his question again? Oh yeah, something about- Damn it, Beckett! Focus! And answer the poor man while you're at it!

"Yes." _Wow, you're pathetic._

The hand that caressed her face fell to his side while the other tightened its hold on her hand. He had to wonder if she was purposefully making this difficult for him. "Yes to what?"

She glanced down at their adjoined hands and grinned, not smiled, full on grinned. "Yes, I feel the same way."

"Oh. Okay." He began to loosen his grip when something occurred to him. He did a double take. "Wait. What?"

She shook her head. Of course he'd decide to tune out just as she finally admitted the truth. "I said, I feel the same. I'm in love with you too, Castle." Just like that the weight of the secret she had been carrying on her shoulders was gone, even her chest felt lighter. She could breathe, finally and it felt...it felt...great and refreshing and maybe a little scary.

She, Beckett, Kate was in love with him. He bit down on his bottom lip- it was more than obvious where he picked up the habit- and suppressed the urge to scream at the top of his lungs, wrap her in his arms and run out into the streets and let the whole of New York know, the world if he could, that he was the luckiest man in the world, all at once. This was too good to be true. Perhaps he was dreaming. He had imagined this scenario hundreds of times. This was probably just another one. Gosh, he hoped it wasn't. That would be so uncool.

Castle squeezed his eyes shut and pinched himself a little too forcefully on the arm. He bit back a yelp. The pain was worth it, worth knowing whether or not this was all in his mind or all of his dreams just came true.

Kate watched in bemusement as he cracked an eye open, simultaneously massaged the self inflicted wound and on seeing her he proceeded to pry open the other, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. God, he was so adorable. "Castle?"

"You're still here."

He was grinning like a maniac. Why was he grinning like a maniac? "Uh...yeah."

"You're still here!" he exclaimed, shocking her into immobility when he wrapped his muscular arms around her waist and swept her off her feet, emitting a squeal from the stunned women as her spun her once around.

She landed back on her feet with an oomph! His hands moved from around her waist to her hips. A ghost of the smile he wore two seconds earlier played on his lips, the glow in his navy eyes replaced by a midnight blue. In the instant his gaze flitted to her lips she knew what was about to come and damn it, although she had been waiting for it ever since that day they distracted that guard using a similar method, as a result saving the lives of Ryan and Esposito- she couldn't let that happen. Before he knew what was happening she was out of his arms and on the other side of the room.

Castle could only blink in confusion, "Uh..."

Kate wrung her hands, simultaneously fidgeting with the hem of her shirt- and tried her best to hide her embarrassment given the circumstances. "I-I can't."

He frowned at her. "What? Why? But you just said-" Gosh, she was so confusing sometimes. One minute she was saying that she was in love with him and the other she was running away.

"-Oh, no. I didn't mean-I want to be with you, Castle. Really, I do," she blurted out rapidly, rushing back over to him, afraid that he misunderstood her.

"Oh, thank God," he gave a sigh of relief.

"It's just-" How should she put this? How exactly do you tell a guy that you can't be with him because first you have to break up with your boyfriend who's off saving the world? "-Josh is still in Africa-"

"-You want to wait until you can end things with him before you dive into another relationship so to speak."

How did he? Didn't matter. He understood and that's all that was important. She had long known her relationship with Josh wasn't going anywhere. They barely got to spend time with each other. When he wasn't on call she had a case and vice versa. They were both married to the job as Lanie would say. Josh was a good guy but like she told Castle during that case in which they were almost blown to smithereens by the dirty bomb, she needed someone who could be there for her and she could be there for. She just wasn't aware at the time that that guy was Castle. In as much as Josh failed in that department- and in many others- he didn't deserve to be cheated on and if there was one thing Katherine Beckett wasn't, it was a cheater. She'd wait until he returned and end things as best as she could.

"It's okay...if you don't want to wait," she interjected, not wishing to make any assumptions.

He held her shoulders reassuringly, looking her directly in the eye, his tone void of deception or uncertainty. "Kate, we have waited three years for this. A few more months aren't going to kill me."

She bowed her head to hide her smile, her blush spreading all the way down her neck. What had she done to deserve such a wonderful man? Maybe after all the grief the universe put her through it figured she could have this one.

"So," Castle begun, leaving her standing in the middle of the foyer and strutted in the direction of the living room, "since making out is off the table, how do you propose we spend the next-" he glanced at his wrist before he slumped down on the couch, "hour and a half?"

Kate threw him a look and walked over to him, "What do you mean _we_?"

"Well I told my mom and Alexis that I'd be back by nine so you, my lovely detective, will be privileged to my company until then," he patted the space next to him, waggling his eyebrows as if that would do well to coerce her into joining him.

"I wouldn't say privileged so much as...I don't know...unfortunate," she teased, folding her arms across her chest and giving him a challenging look.

He in turn gifted her with his best, a sly grin and an arched eyebrow, then without warning, he reached out and grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down towards him. Somehow she ended up underneath him with his fingers running over her waist and stomach.

She wriggled wildly, attempting to get out from under him, her words punctuated by a fit of giggles, "Castle. Stop. Sto-op!"

Watching her laugh under him, he couldn't help but wish he could stay here like this forever. He wondered what it would be like to wake up to that same smile and see it just as he drifted off to sleep. Soon he wouldn't have to wonder. _Soon_.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 11

"Detective, are you insinuating that I had something to do with Helena's death?"

Beckett looked up from the file she held in her hands. "I was simply asking where you were the night your friend was killed?" she retorted, her tone suggesting that she knew something.

The woman appeared in her late twenties, early thirties. Most would find her attractive. Her hair was a golden blonde, bearing a few cinnamon coloured streaks here and there, her perfectly trimmed eyebrows framed her almond-shaped eyes and her lips were a bubble gum pink. There was no doubt she was easy on the eyes but there was something else. Her irises were an icy shade of grey and at least one corner of her mouth was always slightly curled into unnerving smile, a trait which sent up red flags for the detective. Somehow, no matter how much she smiled, sniffled and wiped away tears Beckett was unconvinced by the seemingly sweet, mourning person sitting across from her.

"My best friend," the blond corrected in that sugary tone it had taken Beckett all of five seconds to grow tired of.

_Avoidance_, Beckett thought to herself, _how original_. "Answer the question Ms. Dawson."

"I already told the other detecti-"

"-Then you wouldn't have a problem repeating it to me," she interrupted in that intolerant, all business tone.

"Fine," she said through clenched teeth, an act which unconsciously allowed the detective to gleam a glance at the real Sydney Dawson. "I was at Guggenheim Museum."

"An art fan, are you?" Beckett smiled. It always amusing when they tried to lie, completely ignorant of the fact that she was one step ahead.

"Well fan is a bit of an understatement," the suspect smiled back, misinterpreting the curve of the brunette's lips as an indication that she was in the clear. "Art provides an _escape_ per say."

"Oh, is that so?"

The woman in question nodded. "Work can sometimes be...stressful but I shouldn't have to tell you that."

She hummed thoughtfully. _Okay, enough of the games_. "Well then can you explain to me why, during this..._escape_ of yours, you were spotted leaving the building in which you shared an apartment with the deceased?"

Her face visibly fell and she all but spat out her next words, "Whoever told you that lied."

"Somehow I doubt the video we have of you leaving your apartment at precisely 12:43 am, the time you claim to be at the Guggenheim Museum- was lying," Beckett posited, closing the manila folder and rising purposefully from her seat with a new found fervor.

"Someone framed me," she reasoned, the calm demeanour she once held replaced by the wild shaking of her head, "tampered with it."

"Seriously? That's your excuse- that someone went out of their way to corrupt with footage in order to implicate you in a crime that you claim not to have committed."

She folded her arms across her chest and sat back in her seat, "I'm inno-"

"- No!" Detective Beckett tapped her finger violently on the desk. "You killed your friend! You entered your apartment and when you looked into her room you saw her lying asleep on her bed and you thought, why not? Why not get rid of one of your biggest problems here and now? Besides, with her gone your boss might even consider you hiring you as Project Manager. The initial plan had been to knock her out then poison her but it was taking too long so you took one of the pillows and smothered her then, realizing you had to get rid of the evidence you stuffed the pillow in your handbag and left to dispose of it!"

Clearly done talking, the blond resolved to staring at a spot somewhere below her.

Beckett sank back down in the growingly uncomfortable chair with a sigh and leaned forward, her arms clasped on the smooth metal of the desk. "You know what I think, Ms. Dawson? I think you're a smart woman, a little self-absorbed but smart none the less. Smart enough to know that if you killed Ms. Montenegro, you won't get away with it. So...why don't you save us the trouble and cooperate, maybe the D.A would consider cutting you a deal."

A low, arrogant chuckle came from across the desk, stunning her. She watched as Sydney's squared shoulders slumped, her ridged posture relaxing and how the smug grin returned trailed by the wicked glint in her eyes.

"You know, I used to date this lawyer," she leaned forward, mimicking Beckett's posture. "He wasn't the best boyfriend or particularly good under the sheets and come to think of it, he was a real prick sometimes but he was a prick who was damned good at his job. There were two things he always used to say incessantly...well three but the other doesn't really apply- you're only guilty if you get caught and my personal favourite, if they don't have evidence they can't charge you. Kate Beckett, is it?" Her smirk expanded further on seeing Beckett's jaw clench and her gaze narrow. It was obvious that she was the type of person who liked to be in control. It was a real pity because she was about to take it away. "Being the smart woman I am, I know that if you had evidence to convict me then you would've by now. So, being the smart woman I also know you to be, I shouldn't have to tell you that this interrogation is over."

"I hate that woman," Kate mumbled in between dropping swear words in every language she had knowledge of, as she stomped into the bullpen and up to the murder board located conveniently next to her desk from where she could sit in her chair and go over all the details while swearing some more.

"What are we going to do now, boss?" Ryan asked from behind her. It was a good question. What were they going to do?

Without looking back she responded, "We retrace our steps, every witness we talked to, every piece of evidence we found. We find the missing link."

Staring at the white erase board she couldn't help but think their perp was going to walk because of a pillow case. A pillow case! How crappy was that? And the chances were, if it she hadn't already burnt it to a crisp, she had probably doused it with enough bleach to kill a large dog or God knows what else. No, she couldn't afford to think like that, to believe for one second that she was going to fail yet another victim, fail to give them justice and the voice they were so unfairly robbed of. Now the question was, what were they missing? She had to have gone somewhere after she left her apartment but where?

Beckett sighed and was about to rise to fetch herself another cup of coffee- castle would kill her if he knew how many she'd had thus far- when someone shouted her name from the other end of the station. The sound directly preceded the echo of three pairs of hurried footsteps on the floor and on seeking the owner of the voice she saw Castle, Martha and Alexis strutting purposefully her way with expressions that almost lead her to drop the white ceramic, NYPD mug she was holding.

" Castle?"

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

"What do you mean she took him?" Kate asked through gritting teeth, the shock having long worn off and her fists clenched so tightly her knuckles looked a paper white. "Castle, how could she possibly do that?" Her tone had increased to the point that she was almost screaming. Right now making a scene in the middle of the bullpen was the least of her worries.

Castle mussed his hair, his exasperation clear through the action. "I don't know Kate, just that Meredith took my son."

Great! She already had a dead woman and a best friend who most likely killed her so why not add a kidnaping to the mix, spicen things up? "Okay, I need you to tell me what exactly happened."

He knew she only following procedure but it felt like they were wasting time and with every question he was growing in frustration. "Kate," he sighed, "you aren't hearing me. I don't know how she took him or why. I don't know where my son is."

"I can't believe mom would do this. What was she-"

"-I knew the minute Richard brought her home that she was no good. Like leaving him to raise to raise Alexis alone wasn't bad enough now-"

Her head was spinning. Between the three she could barely hear the sound of her own voice much less her thoughts. Given the circumstances she felt bad about yelling but what other option did she have besides discharging her firearm? "Hey!" The impromptu outburst gleamed the desired result, each of them caught mid-sentence. "Everybody just calm down, okay? We will find them, I promise you that but for that to happen you all have to cooperate with me. I need details-maybe how she might have gotten into the loft-"

Alexis raised her hand slightly in that school girl-like fashion, "I uh-I came down for a glass of water and mom was watching tv. She said she tried calling but heard no one so Hank let her in."

Good, they were actually getting somewhere. "Okay, it's a start. Do you remember what time that was?"

"Around nine thirty but when I went back to bed she was still there."

"Who realized that Nate was missing?"

Martha spoke up though notably lacking the usual Martha-esque spunk, the stress brought about by this new debacle adding to her already wrinkly features, "I got in around ten twenty. There was an empty glass in the sink, speaking of which, Kate dear, when you arrest that…tell her to keep her hands out of my wine cabinet."

"Martha."

"Mom."

"Grams."

"Yes, on with the story. Richard and Alexis were asleep so I went to the nursery to check on my grandson and… I must have searched the whole house before I has to face the truth." There was a hitch in her voice, "That's when I woke Richard."

It broke Kate's heart to see Martha like this. She, herself, was barely able to keep a level head as it was when every cell in her body was screaming for her to find the deep-fried twinkie and lock her away indefinitely. Regardless, the best she could do right now for these people she lov-she cared for was to keep it together even when they couldn't. _Think of it as part of the job_. She addressed the writer, "Castle?" The worry in his eyes didn't come as a surprise but amidst the blue orbs was something else.

"I called her yesterday and told her come over because I wanted to talk but-" He broke off and took on a distant look.

Guilt. That's what it was. He thought it was his fault. How could he think that? She laid a hand on his chest, a comforting act, "We'll find them, I promise." He nodding with as much assurance as he could muster. "Good. I'm going to have Ryan go over to the building to speak to the doorman. He might be able to tell us maybe what time she left."

How could he have forgotten to mention that? "Actually, I already did. He said he remembered helping a red-head carrying a child outside and seeing them into a car around 10 o' clock."

"Wait, are we still speaking about Hank?"

"No, his shift ended at 9:30."

"Okay, did this other doorman give a description if the vehicle?"

"Even better. She took the town car…but I can't seem to get into contact with the driver."

Beckett noticed Esposito step off the elevator a ways behind them. She side stepped to get a better view and beckoned him, "Espo!" While he made his way over she refocused her attention on the trio standing in her presence. She contemplated trying to send them home with the promise that as soon as they got word she would inform but given the circumstances and the seemingly innate stubbornness present in all of them, it'd be nothing short of pointless.

Martha could see Kate was trying to decide what to do with them. "Alexis, why don't we leave the detective to it? We won't do much help breathing over her shoulder."

"But Grams-" Alexis already had a protest on her tongue.

"It's okay, Martha. Really. You don't have to leave. In fact, if you want, one of the interview rooms is clear and the break room will be just down the hall."

"Are you sure dear?" It was a known fact how hard it was for Kate to deal with babysitting Rick on normal days. Well this certainly wasn't a normal day and God knows how having to cater to two others would affect her.

Beckett smiled, admiring the woman's concern and rationality despite the circumstances, "Honestly, it isn't problem." Especially since having them there would do well to quell the urge to strangle the ginger when the time came.

Alexis was only too happy. She rushed to Kate's side and looped an arm around Kate's slightly larger one and gave her best pleading smile, "See Grams? Kate doesn't mind."

"Well, if you insist," Martha waved a hand dismissively then motioned for her granddaughter to follow as she wandered off in the wrong direction. "Come on, Alexis, let's get one of these young, _strapping_ gentlemen to show us the way."

She watched in amusement as Martha eyed a particularly toned detective as he bent to pick up a fallen and Alexis, with cheeks pink with embarrassment, pulled her away. Beckett then waved over Ryan who had manifested from the breakroom just as they disappeared around the corner.

"Boss?" Esposito said.

"I need you to send out an APB on the driver of this vehicle," she paused to allow Castle to relay the plate numbers, "and any passengers to be brought into custody."

"Got it." He hurried away to fulfil the given assignment just as his partner walked up.

"Castle, man have we missed you around here. What's up?" Kevin gave the writer an amicable tap on the shoulder.

Beckett intervened before they could strike up a conversation, never mind she doubted Rick was in the mood for one anyway. "Can you find Martha and Alexis and set them up in interview room 2? They went that way."

"You got it Beckett."

Finally it was just her and Castle. She faced him with a serious expression. "You know, if I call this in as a kidnapping Meredith will be charged which brings me to the question, how big do you want this to go? I'm five second away from sending out an Amber alert and throwing her ass in jail."

He couldn't fault her for it. A small part- okay, maybe ninety-five per cent of him wanted to see Meredith being led away in cuffs but as always, he had to think of Alexis. Then again, judging by how upset she was and how much she complained every time her mother waltzed into town Alexis might not mind. No. He couldn't do that. Besides, he also had to take into consideration the fact that this was Meredith they were talking about. She did crazy stuff without thinking it through or considering possible repercussions. Jail? That seemed a bit too harsh. They had a better chance at locking her up in a nut house. No doubt the shrinks would agree with him and label her as legally insane.

He just hoped to God that she wasn't halfway to the airport with his child by now. He still hadn't gotten over when she pulled Alexis out of school for an 'afternoon of shopping' in France. "As much as that might be to over mutual benefit, I think it's better I deal with her myself."

"Okay, well I have to go inform the Captain of what's going on."

"You go, I'm going to look for mother and Alexis."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

"Man, I can't believe your ex-wife kidnapped Baby C," Ryan said in between bites of his Kung Pao chicken.

Against his better judgment Castle went to respond with his mouth half full and soon learned why Alexis always warned him about talking with food in his mouth. Swallowing the food he managed not to choke on, he gulped down the remaining water in the plastic bottle sitting on the desk in front of him and blinked back the moisture pricking his eyes, ignoring the look Beckett was fixing him with. Surprisingly, when he managed to finally say something the words came clear. "Kidnap is kind of a harsh word, don't you think?"

"Life is harsh, take yours for example," Esposito reiterated, after emptying his mouth to avoid making the writer's mistake, "you're a millionaire, you have a great family, the ladies falling at your feet but somehow you always end up picking the ones who are either crazy, shallow, not too bright or only looking to use you for the press. You have a problem bro and it's your terrible taste in wome-" Someone rammed their foot into his shin and all thought of finishing that sentence came to an end. He clenched his teeth and tried to look cool. Ryan, the obvious culprit, stared back at him with an intense gaze before shifting his eyes Beckett's way and back.

Esposito's recovery wasn't as smooth as he and the Irishman had hoped but it did the job. "I-what I meant to say was that you have to admit, up until Beck-" his boss suddenly broke out in a fit of coughs and another blow landed on his shin. He rasped out the last syllable of her name, fisting his palms and seriously considering punching Ryan the next time- and tried a different approach, one that wouldn't cause him pain or time in behind bars. Orange really didn't suit him. "The sex might not be half bad but-" -Kick. This time he grabbed Ryan's foot and gave a hefty tug, lurching him forward until he was barely holding onto the edge of the desk for dear life. "Bro I swear, if you kick me one more time."

Beckett who had been monitoring the whole interaction and choking from time to time thought to intervene, "Calm down you two. I think he gets what you're trying to say."

Comparably, Castle alternated between smiling and turning bright pink. "I admit that my track record hadn't always been the greatest but trust me, I've learnt from my mistakes." He stared down at the Shrimp Lo Mein, twirling the noodles idly around the plastic fork.

With her unoccupied hand, she reached under the table and squeezed his knee gently. Ending the game he had going with his food, he slipped his own hand from around the hardened plastic and into hers. It was astounding how reassuring a simple gesture could be.

Ryan and Esposito threw each other weary glances, both feeling bad for their friend who, on all counts, didn't deserve this. Admittedly, both of them had wished for a life like the writer's at some point in time- Esposito a little more than Ryan- but after three years of witnessing his ex-wife drama, he could keep it all. Except the Ferrari.

There was a knock followed by the sound of the Captain's voice calling for his best detective. Beckett followed him into the bullpen too anxious to wait until they stopped to query their latest progress, "Sir?" She could always tell when Roy had god news for them. He often kept his expression neutral but his laughing eyes gave him away.

"One of the uniforms from the robbery department will be in in a couple of minutes. He has a little surprise for you," was all Montgomery said before disappearing to his office.

She really hated it when he did that.

"Beckett!" Castle came stumbling up to her even as she now sat, on her desk, arms crossed and eyes trained in the direction of the lift. He had obviously been watching and waiting for the Captain to leave to ambush her. After his less than glorious entrance he took a breath and tried to regain a semblance of his composure…and dignity if he could find it. "What-what did the Captain want to talk to you about?"

She was currently asking herself the same question. A surprise he'd said. The only thing that could possibly peak her interest right now was if Meredith came waltzing out of those elevators. Maybe that was it. Still she shrugged, not totally sure, "I don't really know. Might be a lead."

"For which case?"

"Yours I'm guessing." More like hoping so hard her head was beginning to rebel.

The doors of said elevator opened and out of it marched an officer dressed in blues, escorting an older man in a neatly fitting black suit with silver hair and a face that always looked like it was smiling even when he looked deeply concerned as was presently the case. Beckett recognized the uniform as Howards. She usually didn't bother herself with getting to know the names of rookies in other departments. However, after he was rumoured to have taken down a guy who had more than a hundred pounds and half a foot over him after said perp supposedly flattened Demming, his superior- like a freight train in bust gone wrong, it was any wonder if every detective in the 12th didn't know him.

The other Castle recognized even before the doors fully open. It was his driver. Castle met them halfway.

"Mr Castle," the gentleman said, his white, bushy eyebrows deepening further. "I didn't do anything, I swear."

Beckett glanced between the two who obviously knew each other, "Mr Gerard, is it?"

He accessed her for a second before some unknown realization seemed to dawn on him and his eyes lit up, "Yes, madam and you must be Signora Catarina." He extended a hand and she accepted it. "It's a pleasure to finally detective even under such confusing circumstances."

She smiled politely while throwing Castle a side-glance. She had many questions, some along the lines of how did he know her but more than anything the location of the people they were really searching for. Castle beat her to it.

"Forgive the escort, we just need to find Meredith and my son." Castle frowned and looked at the officer, "Where are they?"

Howards shrugged, "Sorry, we didn't find anyone else with him."

Castle sighed heavily, attempting to quell the sudden urge to scream. "Great, so we're back at square one?"

"Uh.. Signor. Castle?" He waited for his boss to look at him but even then he was hesitant. "I had just left the ex-wife and the boy to...to put the bags in the car when I was approached by the other gentlemen."

"Where was that?" Castle and Beckett said simultaneously.

"Menlo Park Mall."

He should have figured. _Just follow the smell of designer perfumes and 1000 dollar hang bags, _he thought to himself_. Wait, did he say Menlo park?_ "What?" Castle blurted out. "In this traffic that would be at most an hour and we don't know if they'll still be there."

Mr Gerard cut in, "The ex-wife did mention that she wanted to go to Boulud Sud. If they left soon after us she and the boy might be there right now."

Beckett bit back the urge to kiss the man standing in front of her. "That's fifteen minutes away," she mumbled to no one in particular. "Ryan! Esposito! Get over here!"

There was a thump like that of someone falling and the sound of shuffling followed by two oddly high-pitched exclamations of "Yes boss!"

"Thank you, officer. You're dismissed." Howard nodded and departed just the guys came up. "I need you two to go to Boulud Sud, 20 W 64th St, and borrow Hastings from Karpowski if you can." Meredith and Nate should be there. "Please let them be there."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

Alexis came running through the bullpen, Martha struggling behind her and judging by their flushed cheeks they had either lost a battle with five flights of stairs or had simply been more than a few metres away when Castle rang with the latest development and attempted to sprint the whole way. In the latter case, obviously when they said they were going to Starbucks they didn't mean across the street.

"What happened? Did you find them?" Alexis looked to her father for a response that, at present, no one was giving her.

Beckett pulled the chair which had always been Caste's from the side of her desk and offered it to Martha who looked like she was going to pass out any second.

Martha nodded gratefully and collapsed into the seat, "Oh, thank you dear."

"Dad?"

Beckett's cell rang. She answered, "Ryan?"

_"We're on our way back."_

"How far away are you?"

_"A minute out."_

"And you've got them?"

_"You bet."_

"And he's okay?"

_"Yeah."_

She sighed, relieved, "Okay, see you when you get back."

The call ended.

Rick watched her hopefully, "So?"

She held a serious look for as long as his intense gaze permitted then broke out into a wide smile, "They found them."

"And you're sure it's them?" It was odd for him to ask but he needed to be sure so as not to get his hopes up.

"Castle," she said in an even tone. She understood what he was feeling. perhaps a little more than she was comfortable with.

"What? I'm just…" _anxious and terrified and worried and happy._ "Is he…"

"He's fine."

Martha, who was blessed with a sudden burst of energy, reacted before the others. She pounced on Beckett, encircling in a bone-crushing hug, mouthing thanks, only then releasing her to rejoice with her granddaughter.

Maybe it was the high-pitched squeals or Kate's smiling face that did the trick, either way Castle finally reacted. He hugged Kate, pouring every ounce of gratitude and love into that one action. Strangely enough, when the elevator doors opened none of them noticed nor the group who stepped out. The discordant voice of the woman, who might not have been blessed with the gift of surviving the next few minutes, made quick work of righting that.

Approaching them was Meredith, escorted- not in handcuffs, Beckett thought despondently- by Ryan and Hastings on her right and left respectively, while Esposito walked ahead of them carrying Nate who, judging by the way his head rested on the man's shoulder and the fact that he wasn't moving about as he was seventy-five per cent of the time- was asleep.

Martha was the first to reach them with Alexis close behind. She braced Ryan in a hug that was astoundingly tight for a woman of her build and well….age, and to Esposito, who was fortunate enough to have his hands full, she gave an emotional 'thank you'. She gathered Nate in her arms, wrapping him in her familiar embrace. When she found his eyes he was already looking at her. The usually luminous blue orbs didn't hold their usual vibrancy and suddenly, happiness was not all she felt.

Beckett found herself at a loss. Apparently so too did Castle. He was yet to move or say a word, probably stuck wondering whether to drop Meredith here and now or delight over the fact that he had his son back, like she was. Regardless neither was afforded the time because before they knew it Martha had transferred the boy to Alexis' hands and was half a ways from killing her.

"You bitch, how dare you take my grandson!" she yelled, striding purposefully towards Meredith. By her flaring nostrils and violent gaze Beckett was all but sure she was going to have another murder on her hands.

Ryan, God bless his soul- took a brave step and placed himself between the two while Castle, despite his own outrage, attempted to brace Martha's shoulders in a steady hold and with Alexis and Beckett's help they tried to calm her down. Hastings, on the other hand, ran like someone had just lit his ass on fire. Esposito was lucky enough to be holding the boy so he just stood off to the side, watching in anticipation of a fight he was sure would top any the WWE had to offer. All he needed right now was the popcorn, a beer and for Ryan to move out of the way and stop raining in on his entertainment. He'd bet his money on Martha.

Castle withdrew himself from the line of fire and hurried over to Espo. They exchanged a few words then, before the Latino knew it, his excuse for not dying today was being taken away from him and he was being shoved into the line of fire.

"Bro, no!" he hissed at the writer.

"Esposito, go!" Castle hissed back, shooing him with one hand before steady it, along with the other, around the toddler's tiny form.

"Martha!"

"Don't you dare Martha me," the tone of her voice was the equivalent of a low, menacing growl with enough hatred put into it to make Beckett wish to never cross her. "After all you put us through over the years then you come and do this, to Richard, to Alexis. You have some nerve."

"Richard, are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

He couldn't fathom the fact that she was actually looking to him for help, him, after all the hell she put him through. "You took my son," he retorted with a stoic expression, rubbing soothing circles on Nate back.

She raised her hands in frustration. They were all looking at her like she committed a crime. "Honestly, Richard. I don't see what the fuss is about. We just went to the mall."

Alexis couldn't figure out how her mother of all people could be so dense; Castle, how the state of California was yet to institutionalise her and Lanie, who walked in in the middle of the debacle- why Kate hadn't shot her as yet, orange jumpsuits aside.

Martha on the other hand simply failed to believe why the woman was still standing in front of her instead of in handcuffs in the back of a patrol car on her way to several years in hell. "Oh, I pray Richard has you arrested."

"Grams!" Alexis finally intervened.

"Thank you, Alexis. At least you have my back on this," Meredith expression conveyed relief. She extended an arm for her to join her at her side.

Alexis almost thought it funny. She held back her scoff. Side with her? Is that what she thought she was doing? She took a step back, shaking her head, "I love you mom, I do but how could you do this?"

"A-Alexis," she fumbled, to think of an excuse, to justify herself and what she did…or didn't do as she thought. Anything to get her off the spot. "I took you to the mall as a kid too, remember? So what's the difference."

She would have liked to respond and say that this time she hadn't asked for permission but even when it had been her instead of her brother, she had pulled her out of kindergarten then middle school, even high school without so much as notifying her dad. "The difference is mom, he's not yours."

An intense look passed between the two but Kate was too busy feeling out of place, like she was intruding on their private family moment- never mind half the precinct had stopped to watch- as she had during the entire conversation to note it. The way Alexis glanced back at her, affection reflected in her features, and Meredith's gaze, notably less heart-warming so too followed before resettling on her daughter- was hard to miss though. It took a second and the feeling of dozens of other eyes on her to comprehend what had just occurred or more so what Alexis's gaze meant based on the comment she made to her mother. What her sparkling pale blue orbs that reminded her so much of her father's were trying to convey, to make known to everyone who could see them and of course to Kate herself was that her brother, Nate, Baby C would have only one mother in his lifetime and that was Kate Beckett.

She wasn't about to translate what Meredith's gaze meant.

Beckett began to back away. Quite frankly she had a mind to run for the hills. Oddly enough, instead she stepped up to Rick and the youngest Castle, the latter who, in all the fuss and trying to prevent a murder from happening a few feet from her desk- she was unable to greet considering it was the first time she'd seen him for the day. Suddenly she realized just how devastating she would have been if something had happened to him.

She smiled at him which would have usually elicited a fit of laughter or in the least a grin but he did nothing but stare at her with a tired gaze. Beckett frowned. Something was wrong. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know. Esposito says he's been like this since they found them but honestly, I'm a little worried," he responded.

She ran her fingers against his forehead, brushing away the curl that had been partially obscuring his vision. That was when she noticed the stark contrast between his skin and hers. She drew back her hand like she had been scalded, "Rick, his skin's pale."

He looked down at the boy in his arms, alerted the worry lining her voice, "Is he warm."

She checked. "No but his skin also feels a bit clammy."

"Son, is everything okay?" Martha asked, notably with less venom in her tone.

"Yeah, it's just-" Castle began to reply.

"-Rick, he can't breathe."

O~o~O~o~O~o~O

Sirens blared, their high-pitched shrills readily merging with the panicked screams and mind-numbing screech of the burning rubber. The hurried sound of footsteps, padded with wild rhythm against the dull white of the tiled corridor, the unmistakeable smell of cleaner, disinfectant and sickness thickening the already humid air. Doctors rushed by, medics shouting orders amidst the unnerving squeaks of the trauma trolleys' wobbly wheels as they rolled by, carrying the ER's newest victims, heart wrenching cries in the distance.

Kate breathed in heavily, burying her face further in her hands. Her whole body protesting, spent from the undoubtedly horrendous day she had somehow manage to survive. She had long stopped thinking and even then she'd stopped staring mindlessly at the depressing white walls which, in her fragile state, seemed to project the red and blue down its length, the same ones that filled her windscreen only a while ago.

She'd given up on trying to remember the ride there and what exactly had occurred before they surrendered the unconscious toddler to the white coated men and watched numbly as they disappeared, the world of white lab coats, IV's and uncertainty swallowing them whole.

She felt so out of it, so withdrawn from the reality that for a moment or two she didn't note the hand resting one her back nor that its owner had been attempting to alert her for the last minute or so. Adding to the list of things unnoticed was Martha's worried gaze and the way she nudged Rick then motioned to Kate.

A silent exchange went on between the two before they swapped seats and Rick settled on the task of waking Kate from her stupor or at least erasing the air of bereavement she was unconsciously projecting. The movement of his soft, warm hand against the ghostly white of her cheek was all it took to burst the imaginary bubble floating above her head.

Just as she looked his way, the doctor, who they had released Nate to what felt like hours ago- appeared further down the corridor, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat and a stethoscope hanging like a cliché around his neck. Immediately, Castle was on his feet but as soon as he saw the look on his face his heart sank.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

Beckett stared at the doctor with a mix of annoyance and panic. It was an odd combination but it fit the circumstance. Her annoyance was mostly due to the feeling of having aged several years, waiting for the man to either confirm their worst fears or bless the dark cloud hanging over their heads with a silver lining. Quite honestly she could use a silver lining right now, anything to curb the silence that was currently crushing her windpipe.

Kate came out of her daze just in time to hear the doctor mutter the words 'I'm sorry' then, just like that, the glass dome that was her world shattered into a million pieces, each pointed shard raining down on her, slicing her like tiny blades and clattering at her feet. Numbly she turned to Castle, expecting him to be broken, in shock, crumpled in a pile on the floor, something but instead…he was smiling. Martha and Alexis embraced each other in a hug, each wearing expressions of relief and Ryan and Esposito, having tailed Beckett's cruiser all the way to the hospital entrance- high-fived each other. They were all rejoicing and she was left to wonder why?

Suddenly Rick engulfed her in a hug. "Did you hear that, Kate?"

She didn't react. It was hard to when all she could hear was the echo of the doctor's words yet feel Castle's happy laughter reverberating through her body. Confused, she just stood there, her body rigid and his arms wrapped around her.

Sensing her lack of response, he allowed his hands to trail upwards until they braced her shoulders then gently tugged her away from his body until he could see her face. At her expression he questioned whether or not she had heard him the first time. "Kate? Did you hear? He is going to be fine."

It was like an on-going feud in her head with both the men's word battling for her attention and the winner would lay claim to her assent. Right now, Castle was losing. Talk about déjà vu. She blinked, struggling for words but none came, only the feel of her lower half coming into contact with one of the waiting room chairs and not knowing how she got there. The man in the lab coat was speaking again. This time his eyes were squarely on her. She really should have been listening. If only she could coerce her mind into focusing. Slowly words came then full sentences and soon he had her full attention.

"We had to perform CPR. His body reacted so quickly to the allergen that he stopped breathing before we entered the ER but we got his heart beating again and right now he's stable." He took a pause to breath then continued. "The autoinjector Mr Castle was enough to slow down the allergic response but we had to give him an additional dose of epinephrine. It's safe to say that if you all hadn't reacted as quickly as you did he might not have been so lucky."

She understood what he was saying but she needed to hear it. "So is he going to be okay?"

"We have high hopes for recovery, however, there is still the small likelihood for a delayed anaphylactic reaction within the next four to ten hours. Regardless, he still has to be kept in admission. Usually it's at least six to twelve hours under hospital care but as seeing as we are dealing with a child, we would wish to keep him for a little longer."

Sitting in the neighbouring seat, Alexis took hold of Kate's hand and squeezed it encouragingly while Martha settled on her other side, embracing her in a one-armed hug and resting her head against Kate's. It was an odd turn of events. Who would've thought that Kate would be the one being consoled rather than being the source of reassurance? To the average person though, excluding those who were acquainted with Katherine Beckett and the Castle-Roger clan- they looked like the average family. It _would _account for the doctor's next words.

"Mr and Mrs Castle, if you want I can show you to your son's room now. He might be out for the next few hours though but it'll be great to have someone familiar there when he wakes."

Stunned by the assumed relation between her and the writer- which, in this case was quite understandable- Kate glanced between her and Rick. He seemed to be conflicted as to whether he should share in her shock or be amused as compared to the two other detectives had no interest in containing their amusement. "'Oh, I'm- I mean we're not-"

"-What Katherine is trying to say," Martha interrupted, knowing full well what she was doing despite her look of innocence when Kate threw her a look, "is that we wouldn't mind seeing him now."

He glanced between the two women then conceded, waving them on, "This way, when you're ready."

Unmoving and staring at him, it dawned upon Kate that that was just it. She wasn't ready. She ought to have been. She should have felt eager to see the rise and fall of his chest given that only a moment ago she was under the impression that he was dead and that the world had granted her a gift she never imagined having until she saw those big baby blue orbs shining back at her and then, like some practical joke, it decided rip him from her trembling arms. But the world didn't and he was still there. He was still here with her, his heart still beating, breathe in his lungs and blood flowing through his veins yet the joy swelling in her own heart was drowning in the torrent of grief triggered by the realization that if he had in fact died, she didn't know what she would have done. She allowed yet another person in and again she almost lost them.

Undoubtedly, she had been through a hell of a lot in her life starting from the night the detective showed up at her home, bearing news of her mother's fate then there were the countless times when she almost lost her life. She had always thought that the terror which lingered after seeing her life play out before her eyes and the nightmares which plagued her unconscious mind, eventually working their way into her consciousness- were the worst types of fear anyone could feel. Or at least _she_ would feel. But then, of course, she was wrong and instead she had to watch as Dick Coonan held Castle at gun point. The feeling of losing a potential lead on her mother's killer was nothing compared to knowing that, with the pull of a trigger, it could have been Castle whom she was trying resuscitate, whose blood would have stained the precinct floor.

She'd prayed it would end there, the worry would subside and she would realise she was just being silly. It didn't and time and time again she came close to losing him. Whether under the gun of a hit man, at the mercy of a serial killer, possible exposure to high levels of radiation, almost freezing to death or about to be blown into oblivion by a dirty bomb, the fear remained. What's more, it increased along with the list of things she should have done- #1 Tell Castle how she felt- before it blew over and denial kicked in.

She wasn't supposed to care so much. Then again he wasn't supposed to care either and she couldn't help but think that the fact that he did just made it a whole lot harder. He was just supposed to be a charming, playboy writer who she happened to have a crush on but before she could blink or possibly think to impede the impending metamorphosis, he became a friend and later best friend, a source annoyance turned a source of pleasure, her confidant, and her partner. He was her hero, always guarding her back and protecting her, even when she wouldn't let him. Most of all, he was her silver lining, constantly brightening the dark, dank areas of her life and filling it with promise even if it involved _a mob hit, a spy or a mob hit of a spy_. His books were only supposed to be her escape, having aided her in her darkest hours. Instead, she found herself dreaming that the world he created was their own, that he was her Rook and she was his Nikki.

But nothing could prepare her for what transpired in those last few hours. Over whelming fear for the lives of those around her should have ended and even if it didn't, it shouldn't have been this strong or this crippling. Maybe then she wouldn't have had to lie and tell Rick that she'd be there in a minute so they could go ahead without her when her plan was really to sprint to the nearest exit then spend the next couple of hours focusing every last ounce of her attention and efforts on work.

If she hadn't though, Castle wouldn't have seen right through her and vowed even as he disappeared in the maze of corridors that come hell or pretty boy doctors, Katherine Beckett, the woman who loved his family more anyone else in the world had dared to and more than herself, was going to be his. _Always_.

Sitting with her knees together and her thumbs busily knitting away some imaginary pattern, she took a minute to be sure that she could make a clean break. She wasn't being cowardly, it was just… She could feel the cracks forming in her foundation. They were nothing like the moderately sized fissures left in the wake of Castle's departure that widened with the days of silence between them. These cracks were like chasms scattered all around her. If she took one step the earth might swallow her up whole, condemning her to a life of darkness or, if she was lucky, lying in the place of the endless sea of black would be the hot, bubbling lava of despair. It would be quick. She would feel the rush of pain all at once, wounding her deep to the bone, turning each cell, the very essence of her being to ash. Who knows how much time would pass but she would rise again.

Her feet began moving, propelling her out of the den of sick people and others waiting to hear if they would be seeing their loved ones alive again. Of course circumstances would have it that she ran into Lanie. Oh goody.

"Lanie, hi," her greeting couldn't have sounded more forced if she tried. She just hoped Lanie didn't pick up on the hitch in her voice.

She didn't.

"Honey, I came here as fast as I could," Lanie embraced Kate in tight hug then let her go before she could cut off her oxygen. "How is he?"

She sniffled, brushing away the moisture trailing her cheeks from tears she didn't know she had shed, "The doctor said he should be fine. There's still the possibility that he could," she cleared her throat, trying to surmount the will to say it, "that it could happen again but he'll be here so…"

Lanie said a silent thanks to God, relief washing over her. "Good. That's good. Where is everyone?"

Her expression sobered in anticipation of the question she knew would come any minute now. Lanie was too perceptive for it not to. "They're in the room," she paused and then added, "with Nate."

Hmm… They were there while she was apparently headed in the opposite direction which also happened to be where the exit was. Lanie eyed her suspiciously. "So why are you out here?" She was pretty eager to hear what Kate's response would be. If she was going to try to lie to her that is.

Kate didn't. She had known Lanie for long enough to know when she was testing her and honestly, there was no point in her lying. It demanded an interest and a certain vigour, neither of which she possessed at the moment. Right now the only drive she had left was the one screaming at her to head for the door before she broke out in tears in the middle of the hospital.

"You're running," the M.E said. It wasn't a question but an assertion and based on how her best friend was looking at her, it was more than true.

Kate bit her lip, watching her through clouded eyes, "Lanie I," there was a hick in her voice, "I can't."

Lanie took her by the arm and led her back to the row of seats. When they were seated she turned to face her. By her demeanour, Kate could sense a girl talk coming on. Good because she needed one.

"Kate, you run. That's what you do." She wasn't being mean. It was the truth and sooner or later she had to hear it. Come on, if someone had to tell Kate it should be her. "When things get serious you run-"

"-Lanie, that's not it."

"Just, let me finish." When she conceded Lanie went on. "The same thing happens when you feel cornered and even more when you begin to feel overwhelmed which, I'm guessing, is what just happened. But hun, at some point in time you're going to have to stop running. It's okay to feel-"

"-No it's not, Lanie." She didn't understand. "It's like someone dropped a tonne of bricks on my chest. I-" There was another hick in her voice, a sign that any moment now she might be in a corner somewhere with her feet to her chest and her body wracking with sobs, "I just… He almost died today."

"Kate, you live your life case by case. You can take on bad guys and crooked cops without even flinching; FBI agents with smart boards trying to steal your cases and not knowing if you will live to see tomorrow because it's part of your job but it's the everyday that scares you. Without your badge and gun to protect you, you panic. Take this thing you have with Castle for example. It took you three years, guys you had no future with, initial denial then avoiding your feelings to get to a place where you could admit to yourself that you felt something strong for him. Why? Because you were afraid of what would happen if you let those feelings in for just on second, that you would end up with a broken heart or that it would actually work out but you finally opened up and told him how you felt. Not that you had the decency to call and tell me but all things considering, I forgive you."

That was one reason why she loved Lanie. She knew when to push and when not to. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Lanie covered both of Kate's hands with her own and looked her in the eyes, redirecting the conversation back to where it was supposed to be, "When you decided that Castle was your future that also included his family."

"I know Lanie." As much as the concept of having a family had scared her before, a fear which was in no way thwarted by the things she saw every day- the Castle family always made her feel like she was one of them and as a result they held a special place in her heart. It was probably the one thing she admired about Castle's life. His family. That crazy bunch of people who loved each other. Perhaps, in some way, accepting them was easier than accepting her feelings for him.

"Well they lead a day to day life despite Writer Boy's occasional and might I say decreasing presence on page 6," better she add that point for good measure than spark doubt in her best friend's mind, "and in that life Castle might break a bone, Nate could contract chicken pox from another kid in nursery school or Alexis might come down with pneumonia and have to hospitalized. People you love get hurt and sometimes they suffer anaphylaxis and you almost lose them. It's a part of life you can't run away from. No matter how much you try."

She was right. Of course she was and Kate was well aware of that but although it granted her a sense of clarity with the knowledge that things like this were always bound to happen, it wasn't as successful in comforting her. Kate drew her hands away and resigned to slouching over, both of her elbows propped on her knees and her arms idly stretched out before her, "I understand, I do but I can't."

She kept saying that but Lanie still wasn't sure what she meant. "You can't do what, Kate?"

Kate brushed back the curls which had fallen over her face and straightened to look at the M.E, her eyes sparkling with a new round of tears. She sighed, "I can't go in and see him just…lying there." She wasn't doing a very good job of explaining herself. "I have this image in my head of him looking up at me with this, I don't know- odd sense of fascination and watching him play with my hair the way he always does. But then I think of him in that room, unmoving and-" She tried in vain to get the rest of the sentence out. The sob building in her throat made sure of that.

Lanie hugged Kate, rubbing soothing circles on her back. For once she was at a lost for what to say. She couldn't very well tell her to woman up and get in there. It would be cruel and she had every right to feel the way she did. And she doubted there would be any convincing her. Maybe she had had the right idea earlier. If so, Lanie settled on telling her the only thing she could and to do so she broke the embrace to look Kate squarely in the eye. "I'll cover for you with Castle but you have to promise me you'll be back before tomorrow."

Kate dried her cheeks, radiating as much honesty as she put into her words, "I promise."

* * *

><p>Beckett pushed the office door open, the sweet smell of vanilla tickling her nostrils. Sitting behind the cherry-finished sequel desk was an olive-skinned man with that exotic European glow. His hair, which was almost totally grey was flecked with a few remaining ebony strands and shaped in a business man's haircut. His neatly trimmed, traditional goatee and the $22 000 dollar suit he was wearing helped to cast an air of superiority over him. His pearl grey eyes however, and charming smile spelt warmth. Beckett had to admit, he was rather handsome for a man in his mid fifties.<p>

"Detective Beckett, it's great to finally meet you," the man said, flashing his pearl white teeth as he stood to shake her hand.

_Italian. Hmn…_ "Likewise, Mr Desmarais," Beckett replied, accepting the polite gesture.

"Make yourself comfortable," he motioned to the black leather chairs positioned directly across from him.

"Thank you."

"So how can I be of assistance, Detective, though I don't know if I can. I've already told Detectives Esposito and Ryan everything I know of Ms Montenegro."

"Actually, this concerns another one of your employees." She watched as a look of enlightenment washed over his face.

"Ms Dawson," he said flatly. He paused momentarily before asking, "You don't suspect her, do you?"

Well, if he knew who she was referring without hearing her say it and still had to ask, she was probably onto something. "We're currently exploring all avenues of the investigation."

He nodded perceptively, "I see. So what exactly do you wish to know?"

"Does Ms Dawson have any friends here at work? A particular group of people she socializes with?" She was hoping that the woman had been stupid enough to get one of them to get rid of the evidence for her. A pretty woman like her, no doubt there would be at least one guy in the group who would lick dirt off her shoes if she asked. If so, they would find the evidence in no time and she could finally end this stupid case. But then again, she was the type of person who would be surrounded by a bunch of friends who all secretly hated her or the type to have none at all.

He mulled over the question for a second then responded, "I can't recall seeing her with anyone but Ms Montenegro. Most of the time it would just be the two of them heading out for lunch, though…on one or two occasions, Pierre from the mail room had joined them." Pierre from the mailroom? Kate felt like she was in an episode of Ugly Betty. "However, I wouldn't exactly peg them as friends. A couple of months ago he came back in all flustered and, well that was the last outing for the three of them."

"Who do you think was to blame?" Maybe they had been looking in the wrong place and their killer had been in the mailroom the whole time.

"Certainly not Ms Montenegro."

"Why the certainty?"

"She wasn't the type to step on anyone's toes. Everyone loved her. The same couldn't be said for her '_company'_."

She bet. "What about outside of work?"

"I'm sorry, Detective. I'm afraid that's where my knowledge of my employees ends." He fixed his suit jacket and stood.

_Great. This was useless._ She followed suite then shook his hand. "Regardless, thank you for your time."

"My pleasure, Detective."

Beckett was a foot away from the door when her eyes caught a painting positioned over a small wine cabinet. If she had to bet, one bottle cost one month of her salary but the painting, oddly enough, it didn't seem to yell designer suits, golden pens, villas surrounded by a vineyards in Italy or chateaus in France like everything else in the room.

At the same time Mr Desmarais looked up from a stack of papers that magically managed to appear on his desk- obviously not one to waste time- in the time it took her head for the exit. "Beautiful, isn't it?" When he caught her attention he continued, "Ms Dawson may be lacking many qualities but she has an impeccable taste in art."

It was true. The woman was many things. But and art lover? She hadn't seen that one coming. Egotistical and a know-it-all? Definitely. Back-stabbing? Maybe. Art lover? Not by a long shot.

At the dubious look on her face which, to be honest, was no fault of her own…or anyone who would have the same reaction to what she was hearing- he continued. "Actually, she supplies most of the paintings we use in our model homes."

Okay, now she a little interested. Just a little. "And who supplies them to her?"

He gave a sigh, which amused Kate for a reason she couldn't say. "Sadly, all the resources at my disposal couldn't seem to answer that question. I even tried locating the artist myself but in in a city of thousands of AJ's, luck wasn't on my side. The Guggenheim didn't even have one employee with those initials working there."

"The Guggenheim? There are dozens of other museums in the city so why look there?"

"Ms Dawson and that gallery go way back and though she wouldn't tell me, I know she has a contact there."

* * *

><p>Kate felt herself relaxing as the warm water flowed over her. It did little to quell her exhaustion but it was enough to give her the push she needed to survive the rest of the evening. After leaving Mr Desmarais ' office an hour or two earlier she slipped down the hall to interview Mr Jener- or Pierre from the mailroom as his boss had aptly called him- despite her better judgement. Needless to say, that was half an hour of her day she couldn't get back.<p>

Being the thorough cop she was, she brought up the supposed 'falling out' he had with one of the women. She had expected the 'Gosh no! Helena was a sweetheart' she got when she asked if it had been their vic, even the slew of rather 'ripe' words he used to describe the other woman but God couldn't prepare her for the rant, no, the bitch fit she had to suffer through. Half of her energy and a good chunk of her sanity later, she was ambling out of the precinct and into her squad car. She couldn't exactly recall what happened after that, when she reached her apartment or getting into the shower. _One thing was for certain,_ she thought, glancing at the plain white clock mounted next to the bathroom vanity, _I'm late_.

* * *

><p>Castle rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms then worked his fingers along the dimple in his forehead because, who knows? Maybe it would even out the stress he had been privy to in the past 24 hours. His stomach continued its loud protests, rebelling against the owner who neglected to grant it subsistence since lunch in the earlier hours of the day. No number of pleadings on his part would do to persuade the organ against its rumblings. Drinking tons of water to fool his body into thinking it was full hadn't worked either. He just ended up having to go to pee a lot and certainly, by now, half of the nursing staff thought he had some sort of disorder.<p>

His stomach and bladder aside, his heart had suffered the most. He finally got the second child he wanted ever since Alex had gotten too old to watch Disney marathons with him under the giant forts they so artfully constructed out of pillows, blankets, cushions and whatever else they could find then even more so when she began to find the prospect of hanging out with her friends and…_boys_, more appealing than spending time with him- and this had to happen. A month had barely passed and already he found himself in the hospital begging God to save his son's life.

Watching the slow, timed rise and fall of the boy's tiny abdomen and the slight twitch of his fingers, he couldn't help but think he should feel…happier, maybe. Don't get him wrong. He was happy. It was just that today's experience made him wonder. Maybe he wasn't cut out to raise a child again. Quite frankly, he had no clue how he managed to raise the first one then have her turn out so damned close to perfect.

He swallowed a large breath of air and was just about to sigh but he stopped mid-breath, his nostrils picking up the sent which had become somewhat like his own brand of drug. There were so many words he could use to describe it: decadent, sensual, sweet, unique- but there was only one that summed them all up. Kate. She was back.

He turned, expecting her to be standing by the door but was stunned to find her directly behind him. Either reflexively or in a semi-conscious attempt on his part to create a sense of normalcy which didn't include his son almost dying and his ex-wife being the one to blame or, a quip was already on the tip of his tongue, one which involved ninjas and would have somehow led to her strutting or straddling- either suited his fancy- in tight, black leather. That was until her saw her troubled expression.

Kate stared at the child lying peacefully on the hospital bed, tubes trailing from his nose and left hand, needles disappearing under his soft, pink skin and her eyes began to sting. It was the first time she had seen him since he had been rushed away by a throng of nurses. She had particularly avoided seeing him for precisely this reason. She knew what it would do to her, the large chunk of her already wounded psych that would fall to the already crowded floor beneath her feet, joining the mountain of crumbled bricks and barbed wire that had once served to guard her heart. As much as she wanted to hold him and have his tiny fingers wrap around her thumb, to hear his musical laugh and see him smiling cheekily back at her, she couldn't let that much grief in and not when she had a job to do.

Castle watched her curiously. He could see the sadness playing on her features and for a second he allowed himself to get lost. Considering the rarity of the situation, how could he not? He could count on one hand the number of times her fearless, tough as nails front had faltered and he had bourn witness to the raw, emotion she had tried so hard to bury. Usually it had been unintentional; she had no clue that she let the illusion fall and when she came to the realization, before you could blink, the guard was back up. But this time, if she knew he could see her naked soul, she didn't try to hide it.

Oddly enough, Castle couldn't help but think that it was breath-taking because she was comfortable enough, no, she trusted him enough to let him see the real Kate who felt and hurt, the Kate who not only cared for him but his family. Quite frankly he couldn't picture a day in the near future or distant when it wouldn't astound him. Perhaps this feeling of astonishment could explain how, before he could register the action, he reached out and touched her.

Kate's sombre mood was interrupted by the sensation Rick's soft, idle hands brought as they alternated between playing with her fingers and lightly trailing patterns on her palm. She took a glance in his direction.

Castle peeked up at her, smiling with all the innocence of a child, "Hi,"

Kate's lips smiled but her eyes didn't. "Hi," she replied in that soft, somewhat hesitant voice he heard on the rarest of occasions.

She kept hold of his hand but her gaze shifted to the floor. Castle suspected that she wasn't going to say anything either because she didn't want to or because she couldn't. Judging by how tightly she was holding his hand and the way she swallowed heavily, he figured she really had no choice in the matter. Regardless, he was going to change that. He'd have her begrudging him on his childish antics in a minute even if, at the moment, smiling was as much of a task for him (or more so) as it was for her. One true smile, that's all he wanted, all he needed to convince himself that things weren't as bad as he thought them to be and maybe then he wouldn't think that this was all his fault. Maybe.

He tugged on her arm until she glanced up at him. "What's in the bag?" he asked, his new found curiosity at the item guarded in Kate's spare hand apparent in the way his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. Before she could meet his question with a response his lips were running again. "Wait, don't tell me. Is it an animal, plant or mineral?"

She raised an eyebrow.

He took it as a no. "Fine then. Does it have to do with a case?"

This time she gave him a pointed look while he rushed to recover his common sense.

"I guess not… Is it something you read?"

Another look.

"So that's a no. Okay…um…is it something you wear?" The second the thought left his lips, his mind went down the gutter. "Oh, is it skimpy?" He wiggled his eyebrows, "Lingerie maybe?"

That did it.

"Castle," she said in an astoundingly even tone. It was better to stop him before he got too far ahead of himself.

"It is, isn't it?" he half squealed.

Too late.

"Why detective, did you buy naughty undies to model for me? I don't know how long we have until mother and Alexis get back but I'm game."

Oh boy. She rolled her eyes, "Ever the perceptive one, Castle."

His eyes went wide like saucers, "Wait! So I was right?"

"No. What I brought is even better." She probably should have been clear before his mind wandered again.

"Are you going to model in nothing but six inch heels?"

Yup. She probably should have. "I would say get your mind out of the gutter but I've come to think that's its unofficial home." To be honest his mind went there so often, it was a wonder he didn't just pitch a tent and declare it a temporary residence.

She placed the bag in his sights, dangling it like a bone in front of a dog, "I brought you food."

He didn't hesitate before relieving her of the load. "It's like you read my mind. I'm starving."

"Yeah, I gather that," she threw him a sly look.

He tried to glower at her, "That's not what I meant." She gave him yet another look, this time as if to ask, 'really?' and Castle's faced turned pink. "Oh be quiet."

Kate shook her head in that 'tsk tsk' manner she always did then it suddenly occurred to her that two particularly perky redheads were missing, "Where are your mother and Alexis?"

Rick's eyes brightened, only remembering that they had gone in search of something to eat now that she brought them up. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, "They went to raid a cafeteria because there're only so many packs of Twizzlers one can eat before your stomach realizes that it's not actual food."

Coincidentally, on the first ring Alexis appeared in the doorway, bearing the ringing device. "Dad, is everything o-Kate you're back!" Alexis teetered over to the detective. It was clear at first that she wasn't sure whether or not to hug her but settled on doing so in the end.

"That depends on whether or not you're in the mood for Chinese," Castle stood, answering the question Alexis hadn't been fully able to put across. He lifted the bag to show her when the two separated. "Kate was kind enough to stop for some on the way here."

"Kate, you're a life saver."

Kate shrugged her shoulders, "It was the least I could do."

"Actually, your being here is more than enough. Besides, I was getting tired of hearing dad ask when you were coming back."

Kate smiled in light of the new information and glanced at Castle, "Oh, is that so?"

"Yup. It was between that and-"

"-Alexis, where's your grandmother?" Castle intervened before his cheeks could tinge any pinker. It was beyond him why all the women in his life were dead set on embarrassing him.

"She's waiting in the cafeteria. I kind of spent all my money on the vending machines and Grams said that you forgot to give her allowance."

Castle made an exasperated sound. "What? I gave her money yesterday."

Watching on the side-lines, Beckett bit her lip and swallowed a laugh. She honestly didn't know how they managed to say that with a straight face.

"We saw this adorable pair of earrings at the mall."

"But she bought jewellery only last week," and clothes the week before that!

"Yeah, well tonight she was supposed to watch The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway and they went with her outfit."

"You mean the outfit she _also_ bought yesterday? Why couldn't she just have worn something she had already like that _two thousand dollar_ bracelet I gave her for her birthday and that emerald green dress she bought to go to the opera with her friends before one of them got drunk and woke up hitched to a stripper in Vegas? What was his name? Harold? Humphrey?"

Beckett almost choked. Honestly, how were they keeping a straight face?

"Seriously dad?"

She thought it best to intervene before all her attempts to cage her laughter ceased to work. "Yeah, Castle. A girl can never have too many accessories…or clothes."

"Or money," Alexis added.

If only that line had worked when his mother used it on the people at the bank. And why were the women in his life always ganging up on him? All Castle could do was grunt and change the subject, "Just…can you call your grandmother, please, before she-" A vaguely familiar voice flowed from the outside corridor and into the room cutting him short. "-on second thought, never mind."

As usual Martha made her timely appearance. "Kate, sweet heart, when did you get back?" her eyes and face lit up as soon as she saw the only woman she and her son could ever agree on him possibly dating.

"Mr Castle." The marginally gruff sound of a women's voice came from the direction the door. Watching them with a hawk-like stare- or maybe just Castle- was a nurse who appeared to be at least sixty years old. She had reddish brown hair which was styled into an unflattering, slightly spiked razor-cut and her mouth looked as if it had worn a frown for so long it had permanently assumed that form. The deep line between her brows added to her aura of unpleasance which conflicted greatly with the rather lively red and blue scrubs she kept tugging at every two seconds like it was laced with some sort of personality altering chemical that would make her do something unspeakable like act as if she cared or pretend that she wasn't just forced to abandon the comfort of her post to seek them out. For a second she appeared to be considering addressing the others but then decided against it. It would make sending them away a lot easier. "Mr Castle," she began again, the writer's name sounding like acid on her tongue, "I'm told that you are staying. The doctors will come in a minute to relocate you and your son to the ward you requested. As for everyone else, visiting hours are over."

Alexis looked panicked while Martha's eyes sparked with a fire Kate had only ever seen her scorch Meredith with before it dwindled to smoke and was replaced by determination. "Thank you but we'd much rather stay," she said.

"I'm sorry but the hospital mandate is that only parents can stay with the child," the nurse responded in a curt, confrontational fashion. It was enough to set Martha off. Again. The woman didn't know what she was getting herself into.

"Well can't you make an exception?" Alexis asked hopefully.

The women looked fazed momentarily, probably by the sincerity of the blue eyed girl and the effectiveness of her dimples- but only momentarily. "We don't make _exceptions_ here. I'm sorry." At least her apology sounded sincere that time.

"Listen dear," Martha took a step in the direction of the woman who took an unexpected step back, "I think you misunderstood me. What I meant to say was, we are staying regardless of what you or your superiors say. My grandson needs his family and here is where we'll be. Surely, you understand that."

Watching from the side-lines, Kate couldn't settle on if she should feel awkward or revel at the way Martha tore the women apart. She would hate to be on the receiving end of that. Ever. All the poor woman could do was leave quietly. As she turned to storm out the room, a figure appeared in the doorway, blocking her exit. She looked up at the man in the doorway who easily doubled her in height but wasn't quite half her age. Feeling a sudden reassurance at the presence of her superior, she stepped back into the room, arms folded across her chest and a satisfactory grin on her face. Sadly for her, a moment of silence on her part was enough to squash the measly advantage and the ounce of her pride she had just managed to win back.

"Rick Castle!" the doctor exclaimed loudly enough to prompt the visiting party, who appeared to be planning some damage control, to whip around but not so as to possibly disturb the bed's occupant. He embraced Castle in a hug then stepped back and turned to Martha, smiling cheekily, much like a certain pretend cop always did. Former pretend cop that is. "Mrs R. Do you remember me?" he asked comically, examining her with a narrowed gaze.

"Young Waterman," Martha replied, her a hint of amusement, "What parent could forget you?"

The doctor made a face, "Still angry about that fur coat, huh? Regardless," he gave her a kiss on the cheek, "you look lovely."

Martha, who under normal circumstances would have laughed, gave him her famous 'oh stop it, you're being too kind way' wave and proceed to explain how difficult it was for a woman her age to look so youthful, simply blushed. "Why thank you dear."

"And speaking of lovely, who are these two beauties?"

"Oh right." Castle went on to introduce them after having been distracted by the fact that his mother and childhood best friend were actually getting along. Age can do some strange things to you. "Eric this is my daughter, Alexis."

"_The_ Alexis Castle I presume. It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard great things from your father," the doctor said, shaking the young girl's hand. "Brilliant and astute…everything Rick and I weren't at your age."

He couldn't argue with that. "And this is the one and only Kate Beckett."

"The detective," he said thoughtfully. He glanced between his friend, the author and his 'friend', the NYPD's best and muse if he recalled. He wasn't ignorant to the way the two watched each other or the special introduction. "The one and only, huh?" he mused out loud, shaking Kate's hand.

Kate smiled politely. It dawned on her that Rick had been talking to his friends about her but up until then she had been marvelling over how similar the two men were personality and mannerism wise despite the obvious differences in their appearances. He and Castle stood shoulder to shoulder yet whereas the latter had navy blue eyes, the doctor's were a stunning amber, contrasting greatly with his dark hair and, at the same time, appeared to absorb then reflect every ray of light in the room. Unlike his friend's bed head styled hair which may have been under Kate's influence, he graced a classic peaked cut. Despite all of these differences it was like she was interacting with a slightly more tanned version of Castle. It was a little…_odd_.

"And this guy, who only wishes he had my ruggedly handsome looks and charm, is Dr Eric Waterman. He was my first friend and partner in crime during the torturous years I was subjected to in boarding school."

"Still with the ruggedly handsome thing?" Dr Waterman shook his head, amazed that the man standing to his left hadn't much.

"Oh, so it isn't just a recent thing?" Kate quipped, throwing a glance Rick's way. It wouldn't take anyone who knew her more than a minute to see that she was really trying to keep up her usual, playful mien.

He chuckled, "Oh, I like her."

Castle played along. He shrugged cockily, ignoring his friend, "Well if the shoe fits."

"Before we spend the next half an hour arguing over who is more handsome," he broke his line of thought to cough the word 'me' and then proceeded, "how about we agree to disagree, _for now_." He adjusted his hold on the clip board in his hand and suddenly he was in doctor mode.

Noting the instantaneous change, the nurse, who had been waiting impatiently for the meaningless conversation to end- choose the opportunity to state her own case. "Doctor, visiting hours are over-"

"-and we were wondering if you could find a way for the rest of us to also stay-" Martha interjected for as long the other woman's shock allowed.

"-which you can't do because hospital rules mandate that-"

"-Nora," her superior said calmly, obviously accustomed to her tangents and effortlessly calming her. It was probably for the best considering her head looked like it was going to explode any minute now. His attention was on the four other people again. "What Nurse Quigley is trying to say it that only the parents of minors are generally allowed to stay, an unfortunate detail in this circumstance- but given that it is only Rick, I think I can at least allow one other person to stay." Behind them, the Grinch in scrubs began to protest, however, he made quick work of sparing their ears, "Nora, can you find doctors Ross and Taylor?" Of course another protest was on her lips but safe to say he was ready. "Now please."

This time, without anyone to get in the way, she marched straight through the door. Still inside, Martha and Alexis were trying to decide who should stay. Martha suggested Alexis given that there was no way she or Richard would be happy with her staying in the loft alone.

Alexis considered accepting but she couldn't leave her Grams in the solitude to deal with the events of the day and it wouldn't exactly be ideal if she was forced to rush out of the hospital in the morning to visit her in lockup for attempting to or succeeding in killing her mother. Besides, whoever stayed should also be able keep an eye on her father and stop him from getting into any trouble. "Maybe Kate should stay."

Kate was-she was… Well Martha was thrilled with the idea, she voiced as much; the doctor was smiling, finding it an excellent proposition after all he'd heard about Kate, the detective; and Castle was happy but at the same time he worried that they were being too forward in asking such a thing of Kate and even worse, that she might cut and run for the hills. As if they needed anymore setbacks. He thought to do something to get her out of the act his daughter and mother had boldly committed her to. Perhaps he could-

"Sure. I mean if Castle doesn't mind," Kate responded.

He looked taken aback. _She said sure, right?_ He was probably hearing things. Maybe his hunger was messing with his ability to hear if that was even possible. It might have been considering that for the last hour or so, clearly audible in his ears had been the echo of his stomach's rumblings. Boy was he hungry. He was also going off again. _Focus._ "Really?"

She shrugged nonchalantly, "Yeah, well it's the least I can do." Who was she kidding? She was secretly hoping the offer would come up so she could say yes. The overnight bag in her trunk was testament to that. Then again she wasn't one to impose. "And who else is going to protect you from Nurse _Quigley_?"

Rick scowled, "She has it in for me, doesn't she? Not that my mother scaring her helped. It's not like I meant to call her a guy. It was an honest mistake." At least if Beckett was going to be sleeping with him tonight he wouldn't be compelled to sleep with one eye open. Wait, Beckett would be sleeping with him. Beckett would be sleeping _with_ him. Damn. Maybe they hadn't thought this through. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't even wearing his best underwear.

"Don't worry Richard, I'm sure she gets that a lot," Martha said, clearly still annoyed with the woman. "Now onto less unpleasant matters, is there anything you will like us to get for you while Alexis and I are at the loft?"

He hesitated, fidgeting as he peeked a glance at Kate. He wasn't exactly comfortable with saying it while she was watching him so intently. "Yeah, I'll…I'll text you a list."

"Have it your way son but just so you know, Katherine's bound to find out whatever it is you're trying to hide."

"Mom!" he exclaimed like a teen after being kissed by his mother in the middle of the school yard.

Kate suppressed a grin. She should feel embarrassed really, if not for Castle then at least for her but even with the doctor she had only just met in the room, she felt strangely comfortable. She should probably save Castle though. He couldn't become any redder if he tried. "Can I give you two a ride home?" she asked Martha and Alexis. "I can collect Castle's bag the same time."

"That'll be lovely dear. You can help me tick a few stuff off Richard's list."

"Mother!"

"Relax," she waved away his worries. "I'm just kidding. Well, see you tomorrow." She accepted the kiss he gave her on the cheek, "Be a dear and try not to get into too much trouble while we're gone."

He hugged Alexis, also pecking her on the cheek, "I can't make any promises."

8:58 came around and Kate was finally ambling up to the nurse's station, dragging Castle's unnecessarily large suitcase with one hand and her overnight bag dangling off the other. It was just in time too. Her eyes were beginning to feel heavy and each step was a task. Standing in front of the station was a nurse she had never seen before, who, if she considered the 'Kate Beckett?' she received, must have been awaiting her arrival. After introducing herself as Dr Ross, she led Kate up to the room. Kate followed patiently, never mind she was certain they missed the room two floors and several turns ago.

Luckily, before she could give up on walking and resign to resting indefinitely somewhere on the floor, she was being ushered into what she gathered to be a private room, occupied by two very special and very unconscious, blue-eyed boys or at least a boy and a man-child. She knew there had to be a reason why the stream of texts to Martha's phone asking to pack yet another item he claimed to need had ended promptly.

Kate had every intention of surveying the room- it was certainly more modern and probably more expensive than any she'd been in before- but by the time she found her way in and out of the bathroom, breath smelling of peppermint, make up free and wearing her favourite 1D t-shirt paired with shorts, she had barely enough energy to kiss Nate on the forehead and sink down in the empty space next to Castle. The second her head hit the pillow she was out.

What felt like a few seconds later, her mind was flooded with the rapid beep of a beating heart sounding through the heart monitor on the other side of the dimly lit room. With that, the sense of tranquillity sleep brought her was gone and she was wide awake. She began shaking Castle roughly, screaming his name. By the time he was up and standing, bent over his son, she had already pressed the nurse call button a dozen times over and yelled for help until her throat began to hurt, her cries muffling the sound passing her lips until she could barely hear her own words.

Soon the room was a flurry of activity. Kate had been cradling one of Nate's hands in her own, tears flowing freely from her cheeks and alternating between meeting Castle's fearful gaze and watching as the lights in the infant's eyes slowly dimmed. Now she was being dragged away, losing sight of him in the mix of scrubs and white coats. Castle, having also been ushered away to make room for the people who could save his son's life- stood in the outside the room, with his arms around Kate, his eyes a red and glistening.

Kate buried her face in Rick's chest, murmuring words of reassurance to him or perhaps to them both. "He's going to be okay, Castle. He has to be." He has to be.

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><p><strong>As usual, I hope you all like it. Also I apologize for any grammatical errors you may encounter. If anyone has a problem simply send me a pm and I'll correct the errors then re-post it. <strong>

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